Page 15

CHAPTER 15

T hat was a good question. But one Pan couldn’t answer and didn’t want to think too deeply about. Because then he’d remember the selkies, and he didn’t need the nightmares. Though he was going to have them, anyway.

“Are they stuck underground?” Noah whispered as though too scared to voice the fear.

Pan winced. It had been easier to ignore when it was only a passing thought. “I’ve been trying to avoid that possibility. It’s possible, given that some buildings appear to have pushed out of the ground. But other others seem to have dropped. I’m pretty sure I was dropped, along with the people I was with.”

“And where are they?”

“They are dead.” And now thoughts of skin-less selkies were going to fill his head for the rest of the afternoon. They’d lost their skin. Vampires had lost their beauty. How had others been impacted?

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry if you’re not going to take any actions,” He snapped. He shouldn’t argue with Noah when it wasn’t as though he could take any action. Without magic, he was as useless as a human.

“I said I’d help find the dragon. I don’t know what else to do.” He scuffed his shoe on the footpath and stared at the ground. “The authorities are ordering people to stay home, if possible, unless they are volunteering. Because my uncle and aunt are busy, I’m supposed to be watching Nan, or she’s supposed to be watching me. It’s like they expect one of us to do something stupid.”

“And what would they define as stupid?”

Noah smiled. “Looking for a dragon.”

“So they are correct.”

Noah glanced at him with one eyebrow lifted. “You’re taking their side, even though I agreed to help you?”

“I’m not taking their side. Looking for a lost dragon is stupid. However, you said they expected you to do something they considered stupid. Meaning you have proved them correct.” He shrugged as though it was the obvious conclusion.

Noah’s expression turned to puzzlement. “Sometimes, when you talk, I’m not sure I want to help you.”

Pan opened and then closed his mouth. Erring on the side of not saying anything. He’d said nothing that should upset Noah, yet he had. They turned and retraced their steps, making their way back to the palace. He needed Noah, which meant he needed to appease him.

He wasn’t used to appeasing anyone; it was supposed to be the other way around. Centuries of being on the other side gave him the words to say. “I did not mean to upset you. That was not my intention.”

Noah kicked a piece of rubble. “It’s usually me upsetting people.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“That’s because you haven’t met my parents.” Noah stopped in the middle of the street. “Shit. There’s a cop car out the front of the pub.”

At least the car wasn’t flashing and wailing. “What does it mean, and why is it bad?”

The cops were helping people, weren’t they? Or were they only helping humans?

“It means Aunt Meredith is here, and Nan has told her everything, and I won’t be allowed to look for the dragon. I don’t know what it means for you.”

The way the last couple of days had been, nothing good. The ring on his finger was heavy, and he couldn’t help his people on his own. He needed humans, and while Noah had agreed to help, he was a no-one as he had no authority.

He had something more valuable, a glimmer of magic.

Pan needed both, and he didn’t like needing anyone. Everything was much easier with magic. Though if he had magic, he’d be able to hear all the prayers and the calls for help, and they’d be rather deafening given the mess.

“We cannot avoid your family, and I need to speak with those in charge.” He took a couple of steps, then turned when Noah hadn’t fallen into step beside him.

Noah had his hands shoved in his pocket. “I don’t want to go home and wait to be told it’s safe to go out. I want to do something…” He sighed and glanced at the gray sky. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to you.” And it was something other than being sent home that bothered him. Pan didn’t need magic to see that. He felt it, a longing that he didn’t understand and couldn’t name because he didn’t have magic. “What do you want to do?”

“Something that matters. Like, I’ve always believed there’s more to life than getting good grades and turning up to work. And, I don’t know, I came here hoping to find it and thought meeting Liam and Web and learning about Wicca and stuff was it.” He shook his head. “Then this happened, and what are the odds that the palace would smoosh together with the pub?”

Pan stared at the human man and attempted to decipher the ramble. Even if he didn’t understand word for word now, he understood the issue. “You are seeking a reason for being.”

Noah shrugged and returned to staring at the ground as if studying the cracks and ripples might provide the answers he sought. “It’s stupid. Mum said it was stupid. Life is about working and buying shit that made you happy.”

“And for some people, it is. Some people are very happy working hard and buying pretty things. And others are very happy making pretty things for them to buy. A smaller number of people need more, seek more, even though they cannot name it. They flit from thing to thing, trying to do what is expected, seeking a fulfillment that doesn’t exist for them in the places where others find joy.”

“So I’m doomed to endlessly seek?”

“Some live for the seeking.” But he did not think that Noah was one of them. Those people quested for knowledge, or ideas and inventions. They were dreamers who spoke to the gods not with asks for help but for greater wisdom. There was a fine line between them and madness—the latter was what they were called if the nature of their quest became destructive. “Others have a calling that has yet to find them. That is a hard path.”

“Thanks for the un-motivational talk.”

“It was helpful. After all, if you can name the problem, you are closer to solving it.”

Noah lifted his gaze and glared at him. “How the hell am I supposed to find a calling when I don’t know what the calling is?”

He doubted Hel would offer her assistance as quests and callings weren’t her thing.

Usually, he’d say speak to the gods, but Noah was already doing that, and without magic, Pan wasn’t able to help him. He frowned. That wasn’t entirely true. “What do you like about magic?”

“I never said magic.”

“You said Wicca. Witchcraft? The old gods and rituals? Is that not magic?” He fucking hoped it was. What if Noah was the key to magic returning? That little taste of sweetness when Noah whispered his name in prayer was a glimmer of his true power.

When was the last time a human witch had truly held magic? Out of habit, he reached for magic to find the answer, but there was only the hollow, raw wound.

“I guess. Not that we ever achieved much beyond some free beers or concert tickets.”

“You asked and received?”

Another shrug. “Yeah… Lots of people manifest things.”

So there was some form of magic still in this world. He needed to seek the glimmers that vanished as fast as they formed. Threads too tiny for him to see.

“Interesting.”

“It’s not.” Noah shook his head. “It’s mostly luck, being in the right place at the right time, and being open to ideas.”

“That is more of a skill than you realize. When we find the Strega, she will be able to help you. She can read the fate lines. In the meantime…” he threw up his hands as if scattering magic. “Manifest the missing dragon.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

Pan tapped each finger in turn, marking off a to-do list. “Pray to Pan. Convince your aunt that it is the right thing to do so the dragon behind the palace doesn’t start burning buildings and eating people. Gather your friends and…I’ll come up with something else.”

“And what are you going to do?”

“Much the same to start.”

“And why are you so obsessed with Pan? There are other gods and goddesses.”

Pan opened his mouth, but he didn’t have a good lie. And as soon as he met with other Tarikians, they’d take one look at his curly horns and realize he wasn’t an incubus. When Noah met the vampires, he’d learn the truth, and the lie would fester between them.

Noah took a step closer, his gaze narrowed. “Nan said you aren’t an incubus and that you’re hiding something. And the vampire lord put you in charge, a supposed traveler he’d never met before? You also speak Dragon?—”

“It’s not that hard to learn. They have a limited vocabulary.”

“And you can speak English.” Noah was now the one counting off a list on his fingers.

“Again, not that hard. I’ve always had a gift for languages.” He held Noah’s gaze, torn between telling him the truth and wanting to see if he figured it out.

“You know an awful lot about this world, yet you only look a few years older than me.”

Pan smiled. “I am much older.”

“How much older?”

“I’m not sure.” That was the truth. At some point, centuries and millennia all blended together.

Noah took another step closer, his stare defiant as though daring to challenge a god. “I pray that Pan will reveal the truth to me because I don’t keep friends who lie.”

Ah, there it was. That flutter of magic, a sweetness on Pan’s tongue that left him craving more, and it vanished before he had a chance to use it

“Ha!” Noah stepped back and pointed at him. “Why do your eyes do that when I pray to Pan?”

Pan tilted his head. “What do my eyes do?”

“Flicker with gold.”

He gasped. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it happened before. I thought it was the light…” His lips twisted into a grin. “You’re him. Pan.”

Pan put his hand over Noah’s mouth and lowered his voice, whispering in his ear. “Do not say that again.”

Noah licked his palm.

His tongue tickled, and Pan laughed. “I would rather you lick elsewhere, but you may worship my hand if you choose.”

Noah pulled a face.

“You are correct, and I really do love hearing my name on your lips. It is also the only way I get even a glimmer of magic. I have none. I am currently mortal, which is as horrifying as it sounds. My people need help, and I am impotent, yet if they lose faith in their gods, then magic may not return. And I hope you agree that a world without magic is a terrible place.” He removed his hand and swallowed, trusting that he hadn’t revealed too much of the truth. “I pray you understand my need for the deception.”

Noah glared at him. “So you only like me because you’re jonesing for magic, and I’m your hit.”

Pan lifted an eyebrow as he processed the words and the intent behind them. “No. Maybe. You are also very pretty, and you want to help me search for the dragon.”

“Do I?”

“I’ll introduce you to the Strega.” Assuming she was alive. He’d need a new plan if she wasn’t, and he could only plan so far ahead. “For the moment, all I ask is that you do not reveal the truth to others.”

“How can I be sure it’s the truth when you lie so easily?”

The words stung. He was a god, and he didn’t owe anyone anything. He didn’t plead for favors. Or he hadn’t. Everything was different now, including him. Now he was the petitioner, asking to be blessed by magic.

He didn’t drop to his knees, but he voiced his request as sincerely as possible without sounding desperate. “Please. I will be in your debt if you could find it in your seeking heart to assist me and my people.”

“And pray to you. Do you know how weird that is?”

“No.” Pan shook his head. “That’s what happens. People pray to me, and I use magic to help them. Sometimes I show up, and we have a… party .”

“Party?”

“There are more fun ways to worship on your knees than prayer.”

Understanding and heat flickered in Noah’s eyes. “Since I have more magic than you, perhaps you should be worshipping me.”

Noah smiled, and Pan wondered if he also looked that smug when he reached a great conclusion or did grand acts of magic. He brushed past and walked toward the dark wooden pub door.

Pan watched with his mouth open. The nerve. The audacity. No one refused him. People begged to serve him. But Noah had a point—if they were comparing magic, which they weren’t—worshipping Noah might create more magic. “Fine. I will.”

Noah stopped on the footpath out the front. His nose was pink from the cold, but his eyes were bright. “What do you mean, you will?”

“Exactly that.” Pan walked over and placed his palms against Noah’s cheeks. He drew in his breath and closed his eyes. He’d never prayed to anybody. Never worshipped anybody. But he knew how it went. That for it to mean anything, the ask had to come from the heart. And given how incredibly mortal he was, he was very aware of the beating of his heart and the blood rushing through his veins. It was quite distracting at times. Like now, as he touched Noah, his blood rushed to his dick which hardened and demanded attention which it wasn’t going to get since he was the one doing the worshipping.

This was kind of fucked.

This was beneath him.

No, he was mortal, and Noah had more magic in a single word than he had in his entire body. It was almost as if the old gods, the ones who no longer existed or who no longer troubled themselves with such puny matters, were doing this deliberately.

“Noah of the seeking heart, please show me the way forward so that I may return to wholeness. Let me be your servant.” This was killing him. He wanted to snatch his hands away and demand that Noah pray to him. Noah should be begging to be blessed by him. A god humbling himself to a human was unheard of. It was needed if he ever wanted to reconnect with magic. “Allow me to bask in your benevolence and blessings. I beseech thee to turn your loving gaze on me and turn your magic to my plight.” He was close enough now that Noah’s breath whispered over his lips. “And now you respond.”

“Do you respond to everyone who prays to you?”

Pan opened his eyes. “No, because that’s rather a lot.” Did that mean Noah wasn’t going to respond to him? “But I hear their prayers and sometimes send magic.” Which made him sound like a wet streak of mermaid shit. “And sometimes the act of asking the gods for help is enough to stir up the magic so that I didn’t need to step in. Magic is unpredictable and doesn’t always help.”

“Yet you want it back.”

“It is part of me. I am without a limb, without a sense, and unable to help my people.”

“You seem to be doing okay, having already agreed to help a dragon and a vampire.”

If he had magic, he’d have already found the dragon. “Did you sense anything when I prayed to you?”

“Um… yes…” His cheeks turned pink. “Though I wouldn’t call it magical.”

Pan leaned closer. “You might be surprised by what is considered magic.”

Noah’s tongue flicked over his lower lip. “Uh-huh. Why don’t you show me?”

He didn’t need a second ask. He closed the gap between their lips, tilting his head as if he were a supplicant, but it was Noah’s lips that parted first as he gave the blessing.

Time ceased to exist.

Pan wasn’t sure if his heart was beating or if his lungs were working. None of that mattered, though, because there was magic on Noah’s tongue, even if it wasn’t flowing through Pan’s veins. There was a sharpness in the air they shared. And he made damn sure to worship Noah’s mouth as if he’d never get the chance again.

The pub door opened, and the spell was broken. The tiny shimmers of magic faded away. Noah gasped, and Pan stepped backward, letting his hands fall away even though he missed Noah’s skin on his palms immediately.

It wasn’t Linda standing in the doorway, but a woman in dark clothes and a tight bun. Her eyes were the same green as Noah’s, but she held herself with authority. This must be the aunt.

Her gaze flicked between the two of them. “Is there a problem, Noah?”

“No. The incubus was a bit hungry, so I let him have a snack.”

If he was an incubus, that would’ve been a delicious snack. Instead, magic was edging him mercilessly.