Page 93 of Mafia Daddy's Christmas Bride

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," I say, feeling like maybe there’s more to Elena’s desires in life than she’s letting on.

“I know for women this world can feel small and suffocating, but we’re not without choices. And sometimes, we have to live with those choices.”

I can’t decide if she’s talking about me and my choice to talk to a federal agent that led me into a marriage with Roman or something about herself.

“I once thought I had love in this life. I don’t know, there’s a part of me that thinks an arranged marriage would be nice. No risk of heartbreak, right?”

If that were true, why does my heart feel broken?

"I'm sorry," I say, and I mean it.

"Don't be.” She smiles. “I’ve got my kids. Dom is like a brother to me and a father to them. I’m safe. I’m quite content, although it would be nice to have sex every now and then.”

I sputter into my coffee.

She gives me a small smile and shrugs. “Surely, even arranged marriages have sex.”

I’m now very curious about her situation. She’s never been married but has three children, indicating she had sex without marriage, a no-no for women in my world.

Who is the father of her children? Is he dead, killed by her father or Dominic?

Not wanting to share my sex life with her, I act coy and sip my coffee. “It might not be worth it. These men might have big…well, you know, but they also have big egos that are difficult to manage.”

Elena laughs, a genuine sound that transforms her face. "God, yes. The egos! Sometimes I wonder how they can stand upright with heads the size of Mount Everest.”

I nod. “It’s odd because they control everything and yet, Roman thinks I've been manipulating him," I confess, the words spilling out before I can think better of saying them.

“That’s nuts. Men in power can't imagine being outmaneuvered by a woman. Who’d admit that?” She tilts her head. “Interesting that Roman would admit it.”

I shrug, not sure how to respond to that.

“I’ve always wondered about him, Roman.”

“Really? About what?” To me, Roman was the man you never wanted showing up at your doorstep.

Sure, I’ve seen other glimpses of him, but not enough to forget how lethal he is.

“He’s the only one I’ve ever seen totally gaga over a woman. I’ve always wondered if push came to shove, who he’d be more loyal to, Marco or Emilia.” She sighs. “Of course, now I’ll never know. Such a tragedy.”

My stomach tightens at the mention of Roman's first wife. "They were in love?"

"Deeply. It wasn't arranged. Roman took one look at her and he was gone.” Elena dunks her cookie into her coffee. “You remember her, don’t you? Her father worked for Marco’s father and later, Marco.”

I don’t remember. “My mother always had me in other activities, so I didn’t spend time with you all.”

“Right. Anyway, Roman was different then."

"Different how?" I can't help asking, picturing a younger, softer version of the hard man I married.

"Lighter. He smiled more." Elena's eyes grow distant with memory. "The way he looked at her, like she hung the moon and stars. And she knew exactly who he was, what he did, but loved him anyway. If anyone could manipulate or control Roman, it would have been her. Not that she would, but…” She bites her lip. “I’m sorry, this is so insensitive of me.”

I shake my head like it’s nothing even as each word is a small knife twisting in my chest. I'll never have that with Roman, especially not with the suspicion and resentment he holds of me.

"It’s fine. What happened when she died?"

"He shattered." Elena's bluntness is almost cruel. "Threw himself into work, became the monster everyone fears now. The only softness left in him is for Angelica."

Elena's words about Roman and Emilia linger in my mind, my thoughts circling around Emilia.