Page 60 of Ly to Me (Devils of Alliston Springs #1)

Carver

The Reason

A flash of metal caught the corner of my eye as Lyra returned home. I dusted off my hands, dirtied by the flakes I’d filled both horses’ troughs with, swiping them over my jeans, then called out to my wife.

When she didn’t turn, I cupped my hands around my mouth.

I was just about to repeat the action and took in a large breath.

The second she turned around with her hand on the door, my heart sank. She didn't look like herself. She looked like the life had been drained from her.

I bolted from the barn and ran with long strides to where she remained frozen in place. As my arms wrapped around her, she buckled in my hold, threatening to fall to the ground.

I scooped her into my arms, whispering that everything was going to be okay. That I was here. That I loved her with every piece of myself I had to give.

Kicking the door to our bedroom open, I laid her out on the bed and finally took her in. Lyra had never looked small to me. She’d never looked defeated or paled over. Not to this extent. Pressing a palm to her forehead, I checked for warmth.

Heat. A fever?

No.

She curled in on herself as my hand slipped down, checking her pulse.

That was fine, too.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I asked on a fading breath, my lungs struggling. “What happened?”

Her focus didn’t shift from the window as she said, “Jeans are in the truck.” She sounded robotic.

“Jeans are in the truck,” I repeated, breaking each word apart like that would tell me why she returned home looking more dead than alive. “You want me to go get them for you?”

She didn’t move. Just blinked.

“Alright, sweetheart. I’ll be right back.”

Leaving her like that felt wrong. I gathered her purse and bag from the passenger seat and ran back inside. Holding up both, I stepped into her view, blocking the window.

“Got it.”

She blinked again, acting like she could see through me to the window she’d become transfixed by. I turned and looked through it, seeing nothing beyond the truck and the front porch.

I set the bags down on the desk then did the only thing I could think to do.

Pulling out my phone, I started playing a song—one I thought I hated, but really, it just hurt to listen to.

A song I’d heard Lyra humming on more than one occasion while she showered.

A song my mother used to hum throughout the house.

Lyra’s swollen eyes met mine not two seconds into the melody, and that’s when she started breaking down further. Her lips quivered as she scooted back on the bed, appearing to make room for me.

I settled in beside her, accepting her small frame as it burrowed into mine. My chest cracked as I wrapped an arm around her.

“Shhhh. It’s okay. I’m right here. Let it all out, Ly. I’m here.”

Her tears marked my chest, nails digging into my arm as her cries became wails I didn’t know how to fix. The Dolly Parton song finished playing, and she started to quiet. Thinking she’d nodded off, I shifted to look down at her, only to find her red-rimmed eyes already on me.

“I want to take whatever or whoever hurt you and strangle it to death,” I said.

“I’m…I’m so sorry.”

I lifted her chin and kissed her tear-streaked cheek. “You have nothin’ to be sorry about.”

“That’s not true.”

“What’s in the past is in the past.” I pulled her closer, tucking her head beneath my chin. “I won’t let it ruin our future.”

“It won’t stay in the past, Car. I keep tryin’ and it somehow always finds me and I…I can’t. I can’t get it to stop. To make it all stop.” A choked cry left her lips.

I squeezed her tighter. “Then let me take whatever it is and make it right. I’ll make it all go away. Just tell me what I need to do to make this go away and never come back.”

“How is it that everything went so wrong so fast?” she asked low, murmuring the words almost to herself.

I nearly blanched back, thinking she was talking about us. But if she was letting me hold her like I was, I had to believe I wasn’t the cause of her pain. Whatever this was went a lot deeper than us.

“Let me help. Please, sweetheart.” I kissed the top of her head.

She pulled back, blinking up at me. “I don’t know where to begin to explain. How to tell you wh-why I left.”

My brows dipped, heart racing out of control.

For years, all I wanted was to know that very thing.

Spent so long fixating on it, I’d lost sight of what was important.

“Start with what happened after I kissed you and told you when I’d come for you.

When my parents got pictures of us together.

” Our last picture together, right after we left the auditorium.

She nodded, then began.

Everything sounded light. Easy. She was packing, filling a bag with her clothes.

Until she wasn’t.

Until—

My hand curled in on instinct as red covered my vision.

She explained how Noah stopped by and threatened her, telling her about the bet, saying he’d be next in line.

If that motherfucker hadn’t skipped town after he knocked up some girl and didn’t want to take responsibility, I’d go to his house and shoot him between the eyes.

What he got in the past hadn’t been nearly enough, it seemed.

But Lyra wasn’t done.

I took deep breaths as she continued, stopping here and there to cover her face as if she was the one to blame for what had happened next. What Chet Walker did to her. Her tone turned flat, details missing as she loosely recounted being attacked.

Pain lanced through me as grief mixed with rage. Blinding fucking rage.

I’m going to kill him. I’m going to cut off his fucking hands and force them down his throat for hurting her.

I could barely form the words as I asked, “He touched you?”

She nodded.

My throat tightened. “Did he…did… fuck.” Memories of taking her phone and Lyra using her safeword on me forced my arm to tighten more around her. What if I hadn't been her last, and he was? And then I all but forced her to be touched again.

Fuck, I had so much to fix.

“Did he rape you?”

Her forehead swept side-to-side against my chest.

I thought that would make it better. But it didn’t.

He fucking touched her. He touched what was mine and tried to hurt her.

No.

He did hurt her, because here she was, years later, still affected by his actions.

“He doesn’t still live there, does he? Is that why you felt safe enough to come back?” Her body shuddered. Not an answer, but pressing her for one was wrong. She needed more time, and whether he was there or not didn’t matter. She’d be safe here with me.

“Listen to me, sweetheart. What he did”—my teeth ground together—“was wrong. What he did should have never happened. I can’t take away that day, can’t go back and show up earlier before Noah and Chet—” Even saying his name was putting a heavy shade of crimson over my eyes.

I blinked until it faded. “What I can do is be here for you. Love you. Make sure no one else will ever put their hands on you again.” I pulled back and gripped her chin once more, pulling her gaze back to me.

“You ever feel small like that again, you come to me, and I’ll do whatever I can to make it better. ”

Her head bobbed in my hand. “Okay.”

My thumb smoothed over her bottom lip. “Noah was lying.”

“I know.”

“You know that now, but you spent years believing it was just as he said, that you were only a bet, and I understand why. I spent years believing you only wanted my money.” And another few wondering if what that fucking snake also told me that night was true, too.

“I never wanted your money. I only wanted you. Why would you think that?” she questioned, a deep scowl of confusion pulling at her brows.

“One of the last things you said was, ‘Is that enough?’”

“Enough to make you happy.”

“Fuck.” It’d never been about the money. She didn’t think she was enough. “You were the only thing I wanted. You’ve always been more than enough.”

She nodded slowly.

“I’m so fucking sorry I was late, but I was coming for you, sweetheart.” I exhaled deeply, piecing together that night. “But when I got there, and you weren’t there...” I searched her eyes, wanting nothing more than to not explain this, but she had to know. “ He was the one who told me you left.”

TEN YEARS AGO

My mom and dad were waiting in the kitchen, my dad’s arm around mom’s shoulders as happy tears lined her cheeks. With one look at my suitcases, she straightened, though my dad didn’t release her.

“Toothbrush?”

“Check,” I replied quickly.

“Wallet?”

“Check.”

“Underwear?”

I laughed. “No, ma, I forgot those. Let me just—” I pretended to turn toward the stairs.

My dad didn’t find my reply as funny. “Don’t be a smartass with your mom in this state, son.”

I exhaled, long and slow. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Nervous?” my mom asked, watching my hands flex at my sides.

“Yeah. A little. But excited all the same.”

“Call us when you get there. Or emails. Those work, too.” She acted as if cell phones weren’t widely used by now. By most, at least. Lyra still didn’t have one. I’d have to fix that soon.

“We’ll be a little over an hour away. We can come see you next weekend after we find a place. I’ll need to grab furniture from my room anyway, and she might want to do the same.”

“Oh, my boy. Growing up so fast. Making such big moves.” My mother swept another tear away from her cheek.

“Thank you. For supporting me. Always.”

My dad’s brows scrunched together. “Course, son. You’re a man, now. Capable of making your own choices in life.” He sniffled a bit. “I’d like to think you learned what every parent can only hope for—how to be a good person.”

“Oh! I almost forgot.” My mother bolted from the room. When she returned, she was carrying an envelope.

She pushed it into my chest without warning.

“What—”

“It’s not much, but with your savings and whatever she has, it will get you guys somewhere with a little more room.”

My dad’s brows shot up. “Does your mother know somethin’ I don’t?”

“We’re not havin’ a kid, dad.” I faced my mother, taking her in as if I wouldn’t see her in a week. “Thank you for this. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Both of you.”

“Why does he need more room?” My dad asked, directing the question at my mother. Clearly, my answer hadn't been enough. “We’re too young for grandkids.”

“Oh, stop it. More room, more furniture, whatever he needs. Don’t act like you didn’t know I went to the ATM a few days ago for this.”

My dad pinched the bridge of his nose. “Don’t make me a grandfather yet, for the love of the Lord and all that is holy, Carver.”

I laughed, wrapping my arms around them both. “Thank you,” I repeated.

We talked for a few more minutes, my mother asking me if I’d forgotten nearly a dozen other essential items before my dad gave her a pointed look. He helped me load up the truck he let me borrow for the trip, and before I knew it, I was on my way to Lyra’s.

Only, when I got there, her new car wasn’t there.

I got out of the truck and made my way to the front door. As my booted foot landed on the porch, the front door swung open, and out stumbled a man so drunk, I wasn’t sure he was fully awake.

His swaying body finally settled against the railing, his head cocking loosely. “And who the fuck’re you?”

I glanced between the open door and the man who probably had no clue his belt and jeans were undone. “Carver Roland, sir.” Assuming this was the man she lived with, I shot my hand between us. “Nice to meet you.” He glared at my hand before I gave up and fit it into my pocket. “I’m here for Lyra.”

“Too late for that. Bitch ran off.”

My jaw worked. “What did you just call her?”

“Bitch. Said that bitch ran—”

I didn’t give two fucks who he was to her. I raised my fist and sent it flying into his nose.

The guy stumbled back, wiping a bead of blood away. “Git the hell off my property ‘fore I call the cops.”

“Where is she?”

He laughed. “What’s it to you?”

“Where is she?” I repeated, raising my fist in warning.

“She packed her things and left.”

“When?” I stalked up to him and gripped his shirt, shaking him. “When did she go? What direction?”

He laughed more, spittle landing on my arms as he looked out at the sandy lawn. As his eyes lolled, I realized even if he did tell me, I couldn’t trust it. He was too drunk to focus.

I released him, sending him on his ass before bolting back to my truck. The amount of tracks—some too wide to be from her small sedan—covering the sand were too many, and too hard to follow.

I beat my palms into the steering wheel, then went with my gut and drove back to my house.

She wouldn’t leave me.

She wouldn’t.

She wouldn’t.

I drove down my street, and saw no Crown Vic.

I drove through town as all the street lights came on, then by the school.

No Crown Vic.

My hands shook as I tried somewhere we talked about going, checking the street and driveway where the grad party was taking place.

No damn gold Crown Victoria anywhere.

And I had a gut feeling whose fault it was as I stormed past a parked truck on a streamer-covered driveway and made my way inside the house.

“Hey. Glad you came.” Jared clapped his hand on my shoulder as I entered the living room, but my blinding anger made it hard to focus on him. “Where’s Lyra?”

“Don’t know.” My fury-filled gaze darted around the room. “Where the hell is Noah?”

“What’d he do now?”

“I don’t know, but I know he’s the reason.”

“Reason?”

My jaw clenched. Hard. “Where is he, Jared?”

My best friend sighed. “He went upstairs with some—hey! Don’t do it, Carver!” Jared’s voice faded as I ran up the stairs, kicking in the doors until the last one gave me what I wanted.

A girl shrieked and ran topless from the room, but Noah—he was smirking from the edge of the bed.

“Look who showed up. What happened? Not leavin’ town no more?”

My blood boiled. “What the fuck did you do?”

He shrugged. “I dunno what—”

I punched him in his gut as he stood, sending him back down.

He forced a laugh out through a fit of coughs. “Come on, Carver. You thought she wanted you?”

“What. The fuck. Did. You. Say?”

“She seemed to think you were comin’ with money, but we both know you don’t have a dime. Why else would you need my money?” He cocked his head and I wanted to twist it off his neck.

I raised a pointed finger instead. “I won it for her, you fucking idiot.”

“And, what? You’ve got magical savings? Or do your parents hand you whatever you need? Maybe it was them who wouldn’t approve of you with her, so you had to go and take my money to run off with instead?”

They love her.

“I don’t need to explain myself to you, asshole. Where the fuck did she go?”

“You mean after I fucked her, or before? Pretty sure she came—”

The rest of that night turned into a murky blur. Jared had been behind me the whole time, but by the time he grabbed me, I was too far gone into the blackness.