Page 40 of Ly to Me (Devils of Alliston Springs #1)

Carver

The Cross-Ties

T he ride home had been full of inner-turmoil.

I didn’t once truly think she’d try to trap me. That wasn’t her M.O.

She preferred leaving after she got what she needed, and something told me a kid wasn’t in her pile of desires at the moment. I also wouldn’t consider it a trap.

Not with her.

Why she couldn’t just tell me she had an IUD or something still shook me.

Plenty of women had them, but they were also vocal about it with whoever they slept with.

I’d know, because most of the women I’d slept with before offered themselves up to me by stating they were on it, like it would coax me into their arms and prevent me from wearing a condom.

I didn’t lie to Lyra when I said I’d never not worn a condom before. I had a few kinks. Knocking women up had never been one of mine, but the thought of Lyra leaking my cum all day long was spurring me on. If that ended in a kid or two, or ten, I wouldn’t exactly be opposed to that.

I was careful while securing the ropes around her in the barn, just in case she was carrying our child, and like I’d said before, I didn’t want to hurt her.

Leaving her like that, I walked back into the house, focusing on getting back to her while plotting out the questions I’d ask her in my mind.

I sat on the couch in only my jeans and rolled a blunt.

It was nothing like the work of Lyra’s meticulous fingers, but it would have to do to keep me from spiraling further.

Her lies were easy for me to distinguish, but her silence…it was fucking killing me. I just wanted her to talk to me, and to get Lyra to do anything—well, the measures I was taking were necessary.

As I walked down the porch stairs toward the barn, I could see her through the doors I’d left wide open, analyzing her surroundings like she planned to figure a way out that would cause me to chase her again.

A smirk lifted my lips at the thought of catching her and fucking her raw in the mud, in the stream, on the barn floor, up against the railing—

Everywhere.

It wasn’t helping the whole spiraling issue.

“Figure a way out, yet?” I drawled as I walked in and slid the barn doors closed behind me.

Her brow arched. “You offerin’ to let me run?”

I leaned against the closest stall door and pulled the blunt from above my ear. She watched intently as I settled it between my lips and lit the end.

“Nah,” I said before taking a deep hit. Holding in the smoke, I added, “I think I like this better.”

I made a mental note to get some chains for the cross-tie rings, then made another to make sure that was safe during pregnancy. Probably needed an entire book on what was okay and what wasn’t, but the thought of her dripping in metal and cum—

Fuck.

She scoffed as I angled the smoke away from her, letting the fan whip it up and take it away. Her eyes rolled dramatically. “And how long will you keep me like this? Until I let you fuck me?”

“Sweetheart, you will be begging me to fuck you when I’m done here.”

She narrowed her eyes on me, but even that look didn’t have the same heat behind it as it did those first few days. “What do you want, Car?”

“You know, I’m glad you kept using that name like you just couldn’t drop it from your pretty lips. Makes me think you were thinkin’ ’bout me for all those years. How great we were together.”

Lyra made a non-committal sound. It wasn’t what I needed to free her from the ropes, but it was something other than backlash. I took another hit and blew it out as I moved to stand in front of her, spreading my legs wide.

“That wasn’t a ‘no.’”

“It wasn’t,” she admitted, so low I could barely hear. She almost looked…defeated.

I didn’t like the twisty shit my gut was doing, but I wasn’t surprised. Of course, she could come back into town and steal every piece of me all over again, like it never truly left her to begin with. Hell, maybe if she knew all of my broken pieces, she’d be more willing to share hers.

“You’re the only woman I’ve ever shared a bed with, did you know that?”

“You’ve slept with Lord knows how many women.” She sighed in exasperation. “I know that’s a lie.”

I gripped her chin, guiding her eyes back to me. “It’s not a lie. The only woman I’ve ever held all night long is you.” I released her chin and her lips parted. “I thought I hated you for leaving, but really…I just hated that you left. Not you. Never you, sweetheart.”

She bit down on her full bottom lip, and my heart dropped, thinking she still wouldn’t speak. But then, she said, “I think I need to be high for this.”

“If you’re pregnant with our child, then absolutely-fuckin’-not.”

“I’m not,” she replied quickly, and I folded my arms, making some ash fall to the floor.

“You’re not just lyin’ to me so I’ll give you what you want, set you free, and then you’ll end up repeating today all over again, only this time I won’t find you?” I knew she wasn’t. She’d maintained eye-contact the whole time she spoke.

“You really don’t want me to leave again, do you?” Her tone wasn’t mocking, it was full of vulnerability.

I stepped in closer and swept my palm up to cup her cheek. “No. I don’t want you to leave.” She watched as I took another hit, and when my lips fell to hers, I pushed the smoke into her waiting mouth.

It took everything in me not to slide my tongue against hers, to release the ropes and take her right there on the floor. To make ravenous fucking love to her for the rest of the day and long into the night. I spent one night inside her, and I never wanted to go back.

I wouldn’t.

I fucking refused.

Lyra Roland was made for me. Now she just needed to own up to that so we could put this shit behind us, for good.

Ly started coughing softly, small plumes of smoke leaving her mouth in short bursts.

“You believed me?” she asked.

“I know when you’re lying. You saying you aren’t pregnant must mean you have some form of birth control that isn’t a pill. Correct?”

She hesitated, then nodded. I took another hit and pressed my lips to hers, passing it to her. She readily took it in, like she needed it to continue. Hell, I did, too. I pulled back, still cupping her cheek. She didn’t move as the smoke left her lips with more control than before.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, hoping the high she asked for would be enough. “We need to talk about what happened all those years ago.”

“Car, please.” Her full, bottom lip quivered. “I still…I just can’t.”

“Your past doesn’t have to be your future. You don’t have to keep runnin’.”

Her wrists twisted in the ropes. “And what about you?”

My fingers turned cold against her skin. “I’m not running anywhere. I’m right where I’ve always been.”

“You’re not running, but if you think your past hasn’t been dictating who you became, then you’re either lying or blind.”

My molars clenched as I tucked her hair behind her ear. If I thought tying her up to get her to talk wasn’t gonna come with backlash…well, I wouldn’t be the man she once loved. Possibly still did, somewhere deep down.

“Go on,” I said, knowing only her words had the power to ruin me, but they would never ruin how I felt about her. Nothing would.

Lyra’s eyes narrowed to fine slits. “You’re bitter. Cold. And you either pushed everyone away or they left long before you could because I’ve yet to see someone you grew up with come around.”

“Hard to push away dead people,” I said flatly.

She went still, her eyes widening a fraction. I could see her thinking about those who were closest to me, and saw the moment she chose to bite her tongue from asking about the only one who gave her a chance back then besides my parents.

“What happened to your parents?” We both knew she knew they were dead. It was part of the contract she skimmed over. Hard to miss the word ‘will’ written at the top of each paper.

My thumb stroked over her jawline, my body refusing to let her go. “Car accident. About a year after you left.”

Her head tilted in my hand, all that sadness from before returning. “I’m so sorry.”

The things I left out surrounding their death faded into the background with those three words. I spent years blaming her for their deaths, thinking that if she had just stayed by my side, they would still be here.

But constantly staying stuck in the past, trying to picture the way things could have been, fixed nothing. It just trapped you. Kept you in a spiral, like the one I was finally ready to see the end of.

“I was ready to drop everything for you back then, Ly. So, why’d you run? Why leave me without at least tellin’ me we were over?”

“I know about the bet,” she whispered, her eyes now looking straight past me toward the barn doors.

I dropped my hand and took a step back. “Who told you?”

Her chin lifted. “Doesn’t matter, does it?” Her gaze cut back to me, full of sharp knives and fire. “You made a bet with your friends and you won that bet, didn’t you?”

“I—”

“Didn’t you?!” she shrieked, the sound echoing through the barn, yet somehow trapped in the confines of my ribs.

“Yeah. I won.” No use beating around that. “And I’m glad I did.”

She laughed. “Justifies me leaving more now, doesn’t it?”

I cupped the back of my neck. “You’re right.”