Page 17

A lina

It’s as if my words have landed like physical blows.

I will never be part of your family.

Each word caused him to flinch as if I had flung a handful of knives in his direction.

A trickle of guilt flows through me, and I force it back down. It’s not real guilt. It’s just a result of the Mating bond, which would urge me to never purposefully harm my own Mate.

But, as I’ve been trying to remind myself constantly these past few days, Rowan isn’t really my Mate. The rejection is still a palpable ache between us. And if he rejected me, and continues to uphold that rejection, how can he possibly throw around words like family?

Even so, the flicker of pain that breaks through his stony features leaves me slightly breathless. I’ve hit a nerve, and I don’t understand why.

Rowan clears his throat lightly. “If that’s how you see things, I understand.

But I need you to listen to me, Alina. If there is mutiny among the Whiteroses, then this territory isn’t safe.

And given that Noah was born a Greenbriar Alpha, whether you’re willing to acknowledge that or not, there is a target on his back. ”

Deep down, I know he has a point. God knows the wolf inside me agrees with his side of things.

He’s yours. You are his, the wolf argues. Together with your son, you are one unit. You are destined. A mighty family, indeed.

It’s nonsense.

“He’s at a fucking sleepover, Rowan. If there’s a target on his back, I’m almost certain that it’s something we can deal with in the morning when I go to pick him up.”

“Alina—”

“He’s just a child!” I snap. “He deserves to have a normal life! And he’s been perfectly safe for the past nine years, by the way. It’s only now that you’re back in my life that problems have apparently arisen.”

Rowan opens his mouth, maybe to argue, but then he closes it again. He crosses his arms. Uncrosses them. Takes a deep breath. Glances down at the floor. Works his jaw.

All in all, in the span of just a few seconds, I swear he’s fighting some kind of internal demon. Or maybe his relationship with the wolf inside is just as fraught as my own.

He takes a step toward me.

“You have done an amazing job as his mother, Alina.”

I blink numbly at him. That’s not what I was expecting.

“Yes, I’m aware of that.”

“He’s a good kid. He will be a great wolf. It’s all thanks to you.”

“Well, your blood runs in his veins, too.” I’m surprised by my own concession.

But it’s true. Over the years, I couldn’t help noticing the ways that Noah has mirrored his father.

In countless painful ways, my son reminded me of the boy that I used to know.

The soft, sensitive kid who hadn’t yet grown into his full Alpha nature.

The patient, polite boy who my parents always spoke highly of, even when other elders questioned if young Rowan had any potential at all.

Noah isn’t extroverted. He isn’t bold and daring.

He’s not even particularly adventurous. Although I’d tried to coax him out of his shell, he has always preferred to have quiet and solitude.

But there is a steadiness in my son, and a sharp intellect to go with it, that speaks to who his father is and the leader that he is capable of becoming .

I may have been the one who raised him, but there is so much of Rowan in Noah. I can’t deny that. I can’t ignore it.

In fact, when I really think about it, I’m not even that mad about it.

Rowan swallows hard. “I want you to know…I looked for you.”

“What?”

“After you left the pack. Ten years ago. I looked for you. I wanted to find you.”

I stare at him. “You…why?”

“Why?”

“Yes. Why?”

Rowan gapes at me. “Because you’re my Mate, Alina. Why wouldn’t I search for you?”

“Because you rejected me?”

“That doesn’t mean we couldn’t—the rejection was a moment of panic. I was young. We both were. The prophecy was running through my head, and I freaked out.”

I stumble back a step, as if there is a physical force behind his words.

There’s a part of me that refuses to believe them.

He’s just sweet-talking me. He’s using his Alpha influence, or tugging on the Mating bond, to sway me in his favor.

This is how he’s choosing to argue with me from now on, by making himself seem like an altruistic savior.

Eventually, I’ll give in. That’s what he thinks.

It doesn’t matter that, honestly, the Rowan I knew was nothing like that.

This is what I tell myself so that this grand realization doesn’t hurt as much.

I exhale shakily. “So, you’re telling me that, after discovering that I am your Mate, if given ample time to think it through, you wouldn’t have rejected me? You’re telling me that you don’t believe in the prophecy?”

Rowan’s pause is long enough that it gives me exactly the answer I expected. Of course, he’s believes in it. And of course, he would have rejected me no matter what .

“Right,” I say, slumping back against the edge of the counter. “That’s what I thought.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” he murmurs, taking a step toward me. “I still don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t you go ask Kseniya? Maybe she can offer you another prophecy to point you in the right direction.”

He sighs at the venomous sarcasm in my tone.

Then, just like that, something else occurs to me. For some reason, it causes me to bark out a laugh.

“They don’t even know, do they?” I ask.

“Who?”

“The pack, Rowan. Your father, the Alpha. Kseniya. The elders. They still don’t know I’m here. They still don’t know that Noah exists. If they did, they would have sent others to try and take him home. But they’d leave me alone, of course, because they don’t want me to ruin you.”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that the pack would welcome me back with open arms.”

“I—”

“Tell me they’d happily overlook the prophecy, Rowan. Tell me that, if I came home, I wouldn’t be ostracized by everyone.”

“Alina…”

In time, the Greenbriars would probably teach Noah to hate me, too. My son would grow up suspicious of me, constantly on edge about the fact that his mother is fated to ruin his father.

As if he can read the thoughts on my face, Rowan takes another step closer.

“The Greenbriars do not hate you, Alina.” His voice is soft and calm, but there’s a note of ferocity that runs like an undercurrent underneath the words.

As if he’s desperate for me to believe him.

“It is true that many approved of your decision to flee, but it is also true that many more lamented the loss of a strong, smart wolf. Your parents were highly respected, and so I’m sure you know that the other elders always thought fondly of you. ”

“Fondly, yes, but not enough to forgive me for what’s stated in that stupid prophecy.”

After that conversation with Zahra, it hits me again just how ridiculous it all sounds. An old woman spun out a vague poem, and then a Fated pairing was suddenly and irrevocably doomed. No reasons given. No evidence.

Rowan comes closer, and I have nowhere to go, backed as I am against the kitchen cabinets.

Yet, at the same time, that old urge to escape his proximity is nowhere to be seen. Not in this moment. Fighting the way I crave his closeness is exhausting, and I don’t have it in me right now.

“When the prophecy was given, I don’t think anyone ever expected that it would come to fruition,” Rowan tells me, tone smooth and pensive.

“It was a vague enough warning that I think most members of the pack assumed wouldn’t become a real issue.

Maybe I’d never meet my true Mate. Maybe my Mate belonged to a pack on the other side of the country, and our paths would never get to cross in this lifetime.

Maybe I’d simply fall for a suitable female in the pack and she’d become Luna by proxy. ”

“Maybe, maybe, maybe,” I mutter.

“The point is, Alina, that for eighteen years, everyone was in a very intense state of denial. Including me.”

I frown up at him. “But then you did meet your Mate.”

“I did.” He nods. “And then you ran away before anyone got the chance to really process what that meant.”

“You—”

“Because I rejected you, yes. That is my fault. That is the mistake that I have carried with me for the past decade.” Rowan sighs.

“And after it became clear that you were gone and never coming back, people figured there was no point in worrying about what could have been. They moved on. Not out of hatred, but out of necessity.”

I huff in exasperation. “What is even the point of telling me this?”

“Because I want you to know that I never moved on,” he says. “I have never recovered from rejecting you, and I can’t imagine that I ever will. So when you tell me that we’ll never be a family, Alina, believe me when I say that the truth of that has ruined me more than I think you ever could.”

His words cause a fissure to form in my heart. I shouldn’t have sympathy for him, but it’s hard not to when he’s so obviously speaking from his heart.

“Thank you, I guess,” I whisper. “For being honest with me.”

Rowan nods. “I’d like to go with you in the morning when you pick up Noah, though.”

“Fine.”

He smiles tenderly. There is something that almost resembles affection in his eyes, as if my stubbornness is appealing to him.

When he lowers his head toward mine, I freeze. Rowan presses a chaste kiss to my cheek, then steps away.

“Goodnight.”

I remain standing there as he turns and lets himself out of the house. My ears prick as I listen to the crunch of his boots in the driveway, the rumble of his truck’s engine, and then the sound of him driving away.

Only when he’s long gone do I slowly sink onto the floor and start to breathe normally.

For the first time, I’m seeing something that I was never willing to accept before.

I don’t hate Rowan. I’m not angry at him—not anymore.

I’m angry at the world. I’m angry at fate. I’m angry at myself.

The rejection was a moment of panic. That’s what he said. It wasn’t done with definite intention. It was a gut reaction. A fear response.

And I think he might regret it.

But we can’t go back in time. What’s done is done.

Later that night, mere minutes after climbing into bed, a deep sleep brings me a dream.

It starts with a touch. Just a flutter along my collarbone, like the barest brush of fingertips. I can hardly see anything at all, but I know whose arms are cradling me close. I know that scent tickling my nostrils.

Rowan’s touch is gentle and insistent, gliding down the center of my chest and ghosting across my abdomen.

I am naked, but the dream version of me doesn’t care.

In fact, the dream version of me is relieved that there are no barriers between our bodies. My wolf side has come alive while the rest of me remains unconscious, and it is desperate for Rowan’s tender caresses.

His touch slips between my thighs without preamble. I am trembling, whimpering. My nails sharpen into claws that I dig into his shoulders, and that earns me a delicious growl that rumbles right down to the base of my spine.

I am molten. I am on fire. I have never wanted anything more in my life than to feel him inside me, to entwine myself with him and never let go.

Holding me close, still nothing more than warmth and shadows, Rowan moves his fingers in rhythmic circles against my swollen, damp center. I writhe, panting for breath. It’s so hot, I swear I might actually be burning.

But just when I’m on the edge of my climax, there’s an odd, faraway thunk that jolts through me like a vibration.

I startle, blinking open my eyes, jerking upright in bed. My gaze flits to the window across the dark room, where a hulking shadow is illuminated against the moonlight.