Page 46 of Lucky Shot (Moonshot Hockey #1)

RUBY

“What a mess,” I mutter under my breath.

The room. Me. Everything.

My sister is on her way over to our parents’ house to help me pack before the convention and it looks like my closet exploded. I could make some parallel to my heart having also exploded but I think shredded is a better description for the way I’ve felt since leaving Moonshot.

“Aunt Ruby!” Greer yells as she runs through the living room to my open bedroom door. She has a brownie in one hand that she holds out to me.

“For me?”

She nods. “Gigi made them.”

“Thank you.” I hug her to me as I take a bite and groan. My parents might be the chefs in the family, but my grandma Gloria makes the best brownies.

Greer giggles as I take another giant bite, moaning and throwing myself back onto the bed with great exaggeration. It really is that good.

Olivia walks in and her eyes widen. “Wow. It’s worse than I thought.”

I sit up and look around me. My sister is glowing with her cute baby bump, even through the distressed expression currently on her face as she takes in the state of my room. Then, she looks to the TV.

“Are you watching SportsCenter?!”

I search around for the remote, which is likely buried somewhere under my clothes. “I turned on the TV and that’s what was on.”

She cocks one brow, silently calling me on my bullshit.

“Shut up.” I toss the first thing I grab, a bra.

She catches it, then holds the lacy red material up in front of her. “Pretty. Sadly, this won’t fit me.”

She tosses it back on the bed and then looks at the mess again. Her cheeks puff and she lets out a slow breath. “Are you planning to take every piece of clothing you own?”

“No.” I laugh lightly. “I did laundry when I got back, and I haven’t put it away yet.”

She reaches for Nick’s jersey. That article of clothing hasn’t been washed. I may or may not have been sleeping in it nonstop. I know it’s not possible after days of being home, but I swear I can still smell him on it.

“I think you should wear this. Pair it with some cute sneakers and then you’re good to go. You’re the new sporty Ruby Madison.”

I swipe it back from her and hold it protectively to my chest.

“Have you heard from him?” she asks, clearing a spot on the bed and sitting.

“Can I go help Grandma and Grandpa in the garden?” Greer asks before I can answer Olivia.

“Yeah. Go ahead,” Liv tells her. “But no more brownies.”

Her little face is crestfallen for only a moment before she shrugs and rushes off.

When she’s gone, Olivia starts to fold and organize the clothes around her.

I move the suitcase over and sit on the other side. My sister looks up, as I say, “Yeah. We’ve been texting.”

Her mouth quirks up at the corners. “And?”

“And…that’s it.” It’s hard to look her in the eyes. I resist squirming as discomfort vibrates through my body. I have felt every emotion possible this week. Sad. Grateful. Happy. Nervous. Excited. Scared.

So many things are happening. Molly has emailed no less than a dozen times with more meeting invites and schedule updates for the convention.

The pitch I wrote for my new book hasn’t even gone out on submission officially and we have two publishers interested in making an offer.

It’s all the things I was so eager for just months ago and now…

it feels hollow. Like maybe for the first time, I’m realizing that it’s not enough.

The job, the career, all of it. I want it, but it’s no longer the only thing I want.

“December is so far away.” It’s only been a few days. How am I going to make it that long without seeing him?

“Any chance you can see him before then?”

“Maybe. Once the tour dates are confirmed, we’re going to compare schedules.”

She looks hopeful and I want to feel that too, but I get the feeling he’s purposely holding back. Maybe he’s just being realistic about the possibility of a future between us. As in, it isn’t much of one if we only see each other twice a year.

It sucks. I miss him so much.

“Can I tell you something and you won’t think I’m dumb or na?ve?” I ask her, finally glancing up.

“I would never,” she says, sounding personally affronted at the insinuation.

My heart squeezes. She’s right. Not once has she been unsupportive of even my wildest dreams. Even as kids, she would act so excited every time I let her read something I’d written. I don’t know if it was genuine or not, but it didn’t matter—it inspired me to keep going.

“I thought he might ask me to stay. I know it’s new and logistically it’s messy. We live in different states, and he’s got a lot with his job and his kid, plus caring for his dad…He can’t change the fabric of his life for me.”

“You’d have to be the one to make the jump?” she asks, nodding like she already knows that’s true. “Would you have stayed if he asked?”

“I don’t know.” It’s a question I’ve asked myself at least a thousand times.

It would be a lot to give up. I like living close to my family.

I love that I’m able to watch Greer grow up and be part of her daily life.

I’m close with my grandparents, who I know won’t be around forever.

If I were ever to get married and have my own kids, I’d want them to have my family around too.

“You still wish he would have asked though, right?”

“Yeah.” I feel bad even admitting it. “Is that selfish?”

“No, it’s human.”

“Sometimes being human really sucks.”

She laughs, shoulders shaking with the boisterous noise that loosens something in my chest. Admitting it out loud and having her reassurance does make me feel better.

“Ooh.” She winces and presses a hand to the middle of her stomach.

“What?” I ask, concern taking hold of me. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. The baby either loves or hates it when I laugh. She’s kicking the crap out of me.”

A smile spreads across my face. “Can I feel?”

She nods and moves closer. When I stretch out my hand to her bump, she guides it to the correct spot and then we wait in silence until the baby kicks again.

“That’s so weird and cool at the same time,” I tell my sister.

“It really is.”

“Hi, baby girl,” I croon to my niece. “I’m your aunt Ruby and I can’t wait to meet you so I can spoil the shit out of you.”

Olivia laughs lightly and the baby kicks a little harder.

“You’re right. Loves or hates it,” I say.

When I finally move my hand away, I look up at my sister filled with awe. “You’re remarkable.”

“Me?” She laughs then winces and rubs her belly again.

“Yeah. You’ve created this beautiful family. You’re badass at your job, and you still have time to show up for me and help me organize my life.” I wave a hand around the messy bed. “I’m supposed to be the older, wiser sister, but you are continually showing me the kind of person I want to be.”

Her eyes widen, then fill with tears, then she smiles and another small laugh escapes. “Oh my god, stop it. You’re making me cry.”

She wipes at the tears falling from her lashes.

“Sorry.” I smile back.

She waves a hand in front of her face. “Stupid pregnancy hormones.”

I pick up a dress from the clean laundry pile. I wore it the last night Nick and I went out on the boat. I wonder what he’s doing right now. Probably at home, listening to Aidan practice guitar and pretending to be annoyed with his dad.

“Okay.” Olivia swipes at a few more tears and then looks back at the suitcase with determination etched into her features. “Let’s tackle this mess before I run out of energy. I swear by eight o’clock every night I’m so tired I can’t function.”

For the next thirty minutes we work in companionable silence. Olivia folds everything and puts them into piles, and I pick out what I want to take to the convention and put the rest away in the dresser I’m using while crashing at my parents’ house.

“Last item.” Olivia hands me Nick’s jersey.

“Wow. You’re good.”

“We’re a great team. I’m organization and purpose. You’re chaos and creativity.”

I snicker.

“What time do you leave tomorrow?”

“My flight is at eight.”

“Oof.”

“Yeah. Molly has a full day of meetings scheduled for us.”

“I wish I could be there to watch you be a rock star.”

“Me too.”

“Are you nervous about seeing Matthew ?” Ever since we broke up, she’s refused to call him Matt like she had before.

“Not nervous as much as dreading it.”

“I’d love to have a few words with him.” Her gaze narrows and she glares as if picturing him. My sister is sweet as can be ninety-nine percent of the time, but she is not afraid to throw down for the people she loves.

“Will Lily be there?”

“No.”

“I hate that you’ll be alone when you face him. I could send Flynn.”

A real honest laugh bubbles up in my chest and spills out. “I would love to see Flynn take out Matt.”

“No contest, right? Flynn would destroy him.” Her eyes light up.

“I appreciate you offering up your tall, muscular husband, but I’ll have to face him on my own eventually.”

“We’ve always got your back.”

“I know.”

“That goes for everything,” she says, nodding toward the jersey still in my hands. “No matter where you live or how fucking much I’d miss you if I couldn’t see you every day, I’ll always be there for you.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I do.” I nod. But that just makes it all that much harder to think about leaving.

“We’d all come visit you and we could video chat every morning. Maybe we could take up letter writing like the old days.”

I huff another quiet laugh.

“My point is you should follow your heart. Wherever that leads you.”

What if my heart is in two places?

“Okay.” She stands and holds her arms out. “Give me a hug. The next time you see me, I might be too big for you to wrap your arms around me.”

I toss Nick’s jersey back on the bed with every intention of sleeping in it again tonight.

“I love you,” I say as I hug her tight. “Thank you for being the best sister ever.”

“Right back at you.”

When my flight arrives in Denver, Molly is waiting for me at baggage claim.

“Hi!” She hugs me then takes my backpack from me. “Ooh. What do you have in here?”