Page 27 of Lovesick Titan (Lovesick #2)

“I usually took two. At the same time. The other night, I…I took two before bed after I’d already taken two in the morning. I just wanted to sleep .” He looked up, feeling even guiltier, like Lynn must be ready to berate him, but she had this sad, condolatory smile on her face.

Reaching over, she took his hand. “I’m glad you told me, Danny. I’m glad you never took more than that. I’m glad you threw them away just now instead of giving in to the temptation. I’m glad you’re here, right now, with me. And I am so sorry I lied to you, even if it was to protect you.”

“What?” Danny sat up straighter. “What do you mean? The pills, taking too many, it’s been making me worse, hasn’t it?”

“No, Danny. They wouldn’t be able to do that. All they can do is what you believe they can.” She squeezed his hand once more, then let go as if expecting he’d be the one to pull away. “They’re placebos. They’ve always been placebos. They were never real.”

Danny gaped at her because that couldn’t be right. That couldn’t be right .

“The truth is there’s no way to create medication for you that doesn’t first compromise your immune system. It was too much of a risk. I shouldn’t have lied, Danny, but I was afraid that if you heard one more thing wouldn’t work for you, it would push you that much harder toward…”

“Where I am now. But they have to be real. I thought I was making myself worse by taking too many, that’s why I’ve been seeing …” He clenched his eyes shut at the memory.

“Seeing what?”

“ Me ,” he said, safe in the darkness behind his eyelids. “My reflection. I thought it was Ludgate torturing me, but I don’t know anymore…I don’t know. Maybe I’m just crazy.”

“Danny…” At the gentle touch of Lynn’s hand again, he opened his eyes.

He couldn’t be angry at her for what she’d kept secret.

Part of hi m was relieved to know that if he had given in and downed the bottle, nothing would have happened.

“I wish you would have told me about what you’ve been seeing, but you’re not crazy.

Ludgate wants you to second guess yourself.

The only vision you’ve seen is your reflection? ”

He nodded.

“Then I promise you, it really is Ludgate, and you shouldn’t leave yourself vulnerable for him to keep doing this to you.

You can stay here tonight, okay? Stay as long as you need until Andre sets up his machine in your house.

” Reaching for his face again, she brushed the tears from beneath his eyes.

The gesture made Danny feel like he was ten years old after a nightmare and his mother was trying to calm him.

“Tell me, Danny,” she said. “The pills? Did they ever feel like they were working?”

“I…I think so? No, I know they worked sometimes, even if they weren’t real. They helped me take a breath, calm down, helped me sleep.”

“Think about that, alright? Even if a pill could never help you chemically because of your metabolism, that doesn’t mean there isn’t hope. You just can’t expect to be fixed overnight. There were times these past few weeks when you were the Danny Grant I remember first getting to know.”

“You’re right…” Danny had to smile because there had been good days, really good days, when he stopped trying to push himself so hard. “I was getting better. I was finally starting to let some things go. With Mal…”

Lynn nodded somberly. “Then you can get back to that, Danny. With or without him.”

It stung to imagine being without Mal, even though Danny doubted he could have him back in his life. He wanted to prove to Lynn that Mal was worth loving, worth forgiving, but he knew she was just trying to protect him.

She held him and again he thought of his mother because the center of his lowest points had always revolved around losing her and Rick. Danny clung to Lynn until his sobs stilled and his chest didn’t feel as tight.

“I promise I won’t,” he said softly. “I won’t . It’s just that…sometimes… ”

“I know, Danny. Believe me,” she pulled back enough to meet his gaze, her eyes holding as much dampness as his own, “I know. I lost the love of my life. I know . But killing yourself isn’t the answer, and letting yourself die without a fight is no different.

We can beat this another way. You deserve the chance to be happy again.

” She smiled sadly, and Danny knew she meant it as more than simple empathy but comradery in that feeling of having no way out.

He was glad she hadn’t minced words but called out what he sometimes wanted to do as exactly what it was.

He’d sought destruction at his lowest; Lynn buried herself in work.

But it gave him strength that she smiled now, when once upon a time the loss of her husband had made her the woman who never smiled.

“You should sleep,” she said, an ease between them with everything out in the open and no more tears to be shed—for now. “You need rest. I’ll stay tonight too so you aren’t alone. Is there anything else I can do?”

There was a weight gone from Danny’s chest that had never quite lifted before.

Almost with Mal, many times, but this had been the last secret he hadn’t been able to share with anyone.

Sharing it with Lynn felt more freeing than he expected.

It made him wish he could tell Mal too, without seeming like he was trying to garner sympathy.

What he really needed was to figure out how to protect himself and Mal from the perils they still faced.

Ludgate. Each other. The investigation looming over Danny that he wasn’t so sure he shouldn’t fight anymore.

There was more he could do. There was so much he could do rather than stand still and let life happen.

And there was one person he’d still been hiding from, who he’d avoided tonight and left in the dark—his father, alone in that house with Joey when Ludgate could be watching them right now.

Danny owed John the truth. If he’d been able to admit all this to Lynn, even the darkest parts, and come out feeling lighter, maybe the same could be true with his family.

“This is good,” Danny said, looking at Lynn, the two of them sitting in the hallway with dozens of pills littering the floor. He reached for the cell phone that had slipped from his fingers. “But I think there’s one more person I need to talk to tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll be in the lounge when you’re ready,” she said and, with a supportive smile, slowly stood to move out of the hallway. When she paused to look at the pills, Danny shook his head. He’d clean them up himself. It was his mess. And it was time he tried fixing things without running.

Taking a breath as he sat back against the wall, Danny dialed a familiar number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dad. No, I’m fine, I just went to the morgue for a while. I know it’s strange to call like this and it’s late but…can we talk?”