Page 34 of Lovesick (The Minnesota Mustangs #1)
POST-DRINK CLARITY
THE brOTHERSHIP
SUTTON
If I mix a raw egg, Worcestershire sauce, and Tabasco, do you think my hangover will go away?
FOSTER
There’s only one way to find out.
HARLAN
Um, no. Don’t encourage him. What are you even talking about?
SUTTON
It’s called The Prairie Oyster. One in four doctors recommend it.
HARLAN
That definitely isn’t right. Fuck, even I wouldn’t recommend it. Unless you want to get salmonella.
SUTTON
Eh, I’ve had worse. Some girl gave me chlamydia and mono at the same time.
HARLAN
Jesus Christ. What the hell were you doing?
SUTTON
Well, Harlan, when two people like each other very much…
HARLAN
I’d rather drag my cock over a hot Blackstone griddle than visualize you doing the devil’s tango.
FOSTER
I think I blacked out last night. Please tell me I didn’t do anything embarrassing.
AXEL
Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember when I was young and impressionable.
HARLAN
You’re literally the same age as us.
FOSTER
Where were you last night?
AXEL
Being responsible, obviously.
FOSTER
And where did C go? Has anyone heard from him? Should we put out an Amber alert?
KNOX
If I get an Amber alert about Crew Calloway, I’m silencing my phone.
SUTTON
How the hell do you have access to this group chat?
KNOX
Frankly, I’m offended you didn’t add me in the first place.
HARLAN
Yeah, where is Crew? Last I saw him, he was walking out with…
SUTTON
Oh.
FOSTER
Oh.
AXEL
Wait, what am I missing?
KNOX
That son of a bitch. You’re telling me he’s getting his ass ate right now and I’m not?
AXEL
I don’t think that’s remotely happening. At all.
SUTTON
What the fuck?
KNOX
What? Everyone knows that the male G-spot is in the ass.
FOSTER
See, usually we call that an “inside thought.”
AXEL
Is it true?
KNOX
About the male G-spot being in the ass?
AXEL
No, dipshit. Did Cap really get tied down by a girl?
HARLAN
Oh, yeah. Dude is a goner. He practically had hearts popping out of his eyes the whole night.
CREW
That is not what happened, just for the record.
FOSTER
HE’S ALIVE!
KNOX
You guys talking about the brunette with nice legs? She’s cute.
CREW
Back off, Mulligan. Or you’ll be tasting my knuckles between your teeth.
KNOX
So touchy. Anger issues aren’t a good look on you.
CREW
Nothing’s a good look on you.
KNOX
Is someone intimidated?
CREW
By you? That has to be the funniest thing you ever said.
KNOX
Well, I am a funny guy.
AXEL
Yeah, funny looking. LMAO.
KNOX
I’m feeling very attacked right now.
HARLAN
C, you guys get home safe? Is Merit okay?
CREW
She’s pretty trashed, but she’ll live. And Sutton, don’t be an idiot. At least salt and pepper your raw egg before you drink it.
SUTTON
Aye, aye, Cap!
FOSTER
I’m deeply concerned about your lack of critical thinking skills.
SUTTON
KNOX
As enlightening as this has been, I’m going to go track down those hotties that were all over me last night.
CREW
Seriously? Those girls were definitely not interested in you.
KNOX
Yuh-huh. They kept complimenting me on my hot-ass shower curtain costume.
FOSTER
Dude, your gaydar is broken.
KNOX
Um, I think I know when the ladies want a piece of Knox.
HARLAN
Please don’t refer to yourself in the third person ever again.
FOSTER
Nah, they were definitely complimenting the craftsmanship. This coming from a guy who goes both ways.
SUTTON
This is fucking gold. I saw those exact girls making out together later that night.
KNOX
You’re shitting me.
SUTTON
It’s a rookie mistake.
KNOX
I can’t believe this. I feel so…betrayed. I have no game.
CREW
You’re just now realizing that?
KNOX
No. They were so hot. I was going to get my ménage à trois cherry popped. I need time to grieve this loss.
CREW
Oh, here. I’ll help you out.
Crew removed Knox from the conversation