Page 24

TWENTY-THREE

“Are you sure you’re, okay?” Kaden asks for the third time.

No, your uncle or whatever he is, just treated me like I was a hookup he couldn’t get rid of fast enough when the sun came up and it stings like the marks on my skin.

A reminder that what happened was real and I’m not good enough. I’m crazy. A risk to him—–To them. Unwanted. Like something that stinks up the house and you need to throw out.

I look out the window as the sign of the motel comes into view. I’ve never been so grateful to see the place I’ve called home for a couple of months.

“I’m good.”

He stops the truck in front of the stairs on the side of the building. “I’m sorry….”

I slam the passenger door drowning out his words running up the stairs taking them two at a time not wanting to see the pity in his eyes. He means well but I don’t want to be the cause of a rift between him a Draco.

I fumble with the key trying to get it in the lock as quickly as I can when I hear the truck door slam.

“Athena, wait!” He calls out. “Can we talk for a minute.”

I shake my head in frustration when the key is upside down and won’t slide in. My hands are trembling. I flip it over and sigh in relief when it slides in. There is nothing to say that hasn’t been already said. Last night was a mistake.

The door opens, I rush inside and slam it shut, my back hitting the door thankful that it automatically locks when I hear Kaden’s heavy knock on the door.

“Athena, please. Let me in. We need to talk. He didn’t mean what he said.”

Tears slide down my cheeks because he did. He meant what he saif and it hurt more than I thought possible.

He knocks, the door vibrating on my back like an earthquake. “Athena .” Knock, knock. And then I hear a string of curses I can’t make out.

I place the palms of my hands over my ears and close my eyes letting the tears fall down my cheeks. It’s better this way. Why get attached to someone who thinks I’m fucking crazy. The killer part is debatable. It’s not like he goes to church and prays for forgiveness.

This is a glimpse on what people will think of me once they find out. I’m not mad at Kaden. He didn’t deny that he wouldn’t tell Draco and I knew he would. To be honest, I kind of expected this reaction.

Maybe it’s why I let Draco touch me. I’m not going to lie and tell myself I didn’t like it. For a few hours, right before the sun came up, I felt what it was like for a man to touch me, to have my first kiss. Even if that man could never love me. Definitely, not the way the fortune teller made it seem.

It was all bullshit. I have to give it to her, she got me good. The things I saw and heard must have been a side effects from the medication and muddled my head. Made me see things in the crystal ball. Hear things that aren’t really there.

I stare at the pill bottle next to the outdated clock on the nightstand. I walk over, grab the bottle, pop the cap open, take one, and walk over to the sink and bend my head under the faucet to swallow it down.

Kaden continues to knock on the door for a good five minutes until he finally gives up as I stare at my reflection in the mirror willing the pills to work their magic.

After ten minutes, numbness skitters across my arms, down my body to the tips of my toes. I’m wearing the schoolgirl outfit. My cheeks are wet from crying. My lips slightly bruised. Purple and red marks on my skin. I can still make out the size of his teeth on some of them. Nothing a little full coverage makeup can’t fix.

I have to work tonight and make up the money for missing work last night. There is an apartment building in the same parking lot as the run-down mall that was ever finished. I remember seeing a, NOW LEASING sign posted out front.

It’s run-down like the mall. Another shit hole like this one but I’ve been in much worse. And it’s the only place that will allow me to save for a car. The closer to town, the Big H, or campus, the more expensive it gets.

My eyes grow heavy and saliva pools in my mouth from the medication. I set the alarm so I’ll wake up time for work. This is my life now and I need to accept it.

If it wasn’t for Draco, both times I would have fallen victim to one of those sick fucks. It’s not like someone would care or cry a single tear if they have succeeded but now I want now more than ever to try to help the ones they haven’t found.

The need to find them sings in my blood like a prayer hoping for salvation. It must have been my instincts that drove me to do what I did. The same way the little voice in my head wanted to slice Charlie’s throat that night. An internal warning system I need to trust. It’s what saved me from being a victim at fifteen. It’s what would have saved me from Charlie if Draco hadn’t intervened. I ignored it because my thoughts were muddled with thoughts of Draco, and I can’t let that happen again.

I drop the Styrofoam coffee cup in trash before I walk inside The Church, Hank nodding as I pass through. I needed the caffeine hit after taking the pills so I could get to work. The pills are basically sleeping pills. They do nothing for my psyche but I couldn’t go to sleep thinking about last night with Draco and the way he made feel safe in his arms, or replaying my first kiss. The first time a man ate me out both my ass and pussy. It’s not something you can easily forget when it’s your first time and felt good. There is nothing I can really compare it to but I doubt anyone can make me feel the way he did. The pleasure his mouth gave me after he saved me. The way he held me in his arms when he thought I was fast asleep. His hard jaw. Full lips. The dark lashes kissing his cheeks. The scent of his skin with all his tattoos. I couldn’t stop staring at all the ink. There was so many tattoos interconnecting with each other, like pages book you can’t put down keeping you awake until you get to the last page.

“Hey,” Rachel greets me when I walk in the dressing room. “How was your day off?”

I almost snort. Good until it wasn’t I feel like telling her but I don’t. The less anyone knows about me the better.

“Okay. I guess. I caught up on some sleep. Decided on getting an apartment.” I leave the part that I haven’t actually gone to see if one is still available.

“Oh, that’s great,” she says like I bought my first home or something.

Come to think of it, it will be my first home as an adult. It was something that quickly became the top of my list of things to do. Not having a stable place to stay and Draco pointing it out that I could only stay one night, right before he showed me the door.

“Yeah, I guess. Um…how is it going tonight?” It’s a full house when I walked in but she knows I mean if a couple of dances would do the trick.

She sighs deep. “It’s alright. You’ll make up last night if you do lap dances, honestly.”

My stomach sinks. That’s something I haven’t done since I started working here. She knows I have limits compared to the other girls. There is only one man who I lost my head over and that’s not gonna happen again.

“Maybe give it a shot. It’s not that bad.” She smirks. Turns to the mirror and re-applies her lipstick and continues, “It’s not like you’re fucking anybody”

She makes it sound so easy, like having someone’s hands all over your body is nothing or worse, a stranger’s hard cock rubbing against you while sitting their lap for money.

I give her a fake smile. “I guess you’re right.”

Her eyes widen and she turns around. “So…you’re going to?”

“What? Give a lap dance if they want one?” I shrug my shoulders like it’s no big deal. “Sure. It’s not like I’m fucking anybody right?”

“Yeah, but?” She rubs her lips like she’s contemplating if I should or shouldn’t. I’m not sure what her problem is because something crosses her features. She was just mentioning it and now that I agreed, she’s giving me a funny look like she disapproves.

“Is there something I should know?”

“No of course not. It’s just…unexpected.”

I don’t have time to me to worry about what she thinks. I have two reasons for agreeing to what I didn’t want to in the first place. One, is money. Two, distinguish the bad apples from the ones that are rotten.

I get dressed and opt for a long dark brown-haired wig over my blond locks. I’m wearing a sexy nun costume with the cross upside down. I thought it was fitting given the name of the club and some of the assholes that use it for their benefit.

“This is going to be so much fun?” A voice filters through my head when I give myself one last once-over in the mirror.

“Look at you.” Julia one of the girls here tonight says followed by a whistle.

Gina looks up after doing a line of coke from her compact mirror on the vanity. Her eyes wide. High as kite. She’s usually nicer when she’s on something.

Her eyes glitter when she sees the short black skirt with slits on the front doing very little to hide my thong underneath. “Well look at you,” Gina says with praise. I almost didn’t recognize you for a second with the wig.” She smiles and winks. “My kind of girl. They’ll never know it’s you.”

It is kind of the point. I don’t want them to point me out the next they come. It’s best to keep them guessing. I look around at all the wigs and different outfits like I’m seeing them for the first time. This place is full of different ways I could disguise myself.

“Trust yourself,” the little voice in my head says, “This place is perfect.”

“Yeah,” I say giving her a small smile.

Gina and I have never really gotten along since the first time I ran into her Kaden but she’s not so bad. I think she has a thing for him she doesn’t want to admit but it’s not my problem. The Circle of Freaks is not my problem. They have their show and I have mine.

“Go get ‘em,” Rachel says urging me on.

Gina turns to face Rachel and clears her throat. “She’s hot.”

Rachel looks down her and lifts her chin. “And you’re high,” she tells her.

Gina pouts. “I want to taste…”

Rachel pushes her finger crushing her lips keeping her from finishing what she was about to say shaking her head. “Don’t.”

Gina gets up, giving Rachel a dirty look making her step back and storms out of the room.

What was that all about?

I glance at Rachel and she gestures for me to head out. “You have fans waiting.”

I snort and she laughs. And just like that, it’s like nothing happened. But something about their interaction feels off.