Page 20

NINETEEN

I push away thoughts of Draco and arrive at a used car dealership, grateful for my light clothing and the wind cooling my heated skin. I never imagined a man could incite such intense emotions in me. The man walking around the lot spots me looking at a silver electric Kia. I have no idea how to drive. I looked up online that with a permit I could still purchase a car until I got my class E driver’s license.

“How can I help you?” a man with a long-sleeved polo shirt and jeans says when he reaches me eyeing the sedan.

“I’m interested in this car,” I tell him.

He glances at the car, then shifts his gaze to me, squinting due to the sun’s glare. “It’s electric. Seventy thousand miles, two owners, a twenty twenty-nine model.”

“How much?” I ask, not really liking the car, but compared to others on the lot, this one looks more affordable.

“Thirteen thousand.” I almost choke looking back at the car. “We finance if you need a loan.”

There’s no way this ugly thing should cost thirteen thousand dollars. Are used cars that much?

“Any warranty.”‘

“Three months, and it’s through us.”

I need a car badly, but there are thirteen thousand reasons I don’t. I’m better off renting an apartment and taking an Uber.

“Thanks, I’ll think about it.”

He gives me a fake smile. We both know I’m not interested. Visit us again or give us a call when you decide.”

After an hour of walking, I decide to focus on renting an apartment instead.

I end up at my old neighborhood and spot the house where it all happened. The house that upended my life sits on an open piece of land, boarded up with the words RAPIST and MURDERER spray-painted on the front doors, the sides, and the wood panels nailed to the front windows.

If I wanted to know if my mother still lived here, I do now. Seeing the words in big black letters tells me there were differences of opinion about what happened. The state of Massachusetts doesn’t require disclosing a stigmatized property, but in this case it doesn’t matter. No one would buy this house. It’s not a secret as to what happened inside. It’s taken me this long to show up. I wasn’t sure what I would find, or maybe I was afraid of what would happen if she still lived here. Would she scream at the top of her lungs that I’m a murder?

At least someone has mowed the grass. The trees, resembling skeleton figures in the fall, cover the back of the house densely with grass and trees from the wood line behind it. I heard the houses on this side of the street are investments, part of a huge estate located on Avery Street.

I look toward the house on the left and right. The neighbors must be pissed. There are For Sale signs on the front lawns. I guess the neighbors fled the neighborhood or decided to sell.

I glance at the house and want nothing more than to burn it down, but I can’t. The last thing I need is for the cops to have a reason to send me to jail.

The tiny hairs on my arms stand up from a surge of electricity. “Fucked up, isn’t it?”

I jump and turn around to find Kaden leaning on a black truck watching me. “You followed me?”

“You’re not difficult to find, and this is a small town. You shouldn’t be walking this far out by yourself.”

“I was planning on taking an Uber back.”

“From here?” He acts like I’ve lost my mind. “No Uber will come to pick you up from this house.”

“Why not?”

It’s not like I live there now, and no one knows who I am.

“Bad luck.”

He isn’t wrong. This house should be condemned.

“Why don’t they burn it?”

“I think the surviving wife wants to keep it as a reminder of what happened. Why are you here?” The curiosity in his gaze is obvious.

I glance at the house of horror and then back. “Would you run me if I told you?”

“Try me.”

If this isn’t the best way to push him and Draco away, I don’t know what is. What Draco did to Charles is probably no different. It’s not like they will run to the cops. I haven’t broken the law and served my time, even if in my eyes what I did to my stepfather was deserved.

“I used to live inside that house.” I’m hoping that he will understand without me having to explicitly say it.

“Before it happened? He asks, but the way his mouth turns down at the corners, he knows exactly what I’m saying.

“I am what happened, Kaden. That explains why no one truly knows me here. It’s because they don’t remember what I looked like. It’s why Draco was right not to let me stay with you.”

I hate admitting the truth out loud. But deep down, it’s the real reason I had to walk away.

“You’re Athena Dean,” he says, disbelievingly drawing the connection.

“I am.” I give him a weak smile, expecting him to jump in his truck and not look back.

“That wasn’t your fault,” he says, pinching his brows. “You know that, right?”

“Tell that to the judge and the psychiatric ward they sent me to when I was a kid.”

He runs his fingers frustratingly through his pitch-black hair, reminding me so much of Draco. I’m shocked to see a single tear slide down his face. “Who knows?”

“No one. Not yet, but it’s just a matter of time when they do.”

“That’s why you stay at the motel and keep to yourself.”

I look back at the house again and then at him. “I think it’s best that I do. For everyone’s sake.”

He turns around, and when I think he’s going to walk around his truck and leave, he surprises me by opening the passenger door and saying, “Get in.”

“That’s okay, Kaden. I can order an Uber to take me back.”

He shakes his head. “No, I won’t allow it. It’s not safe.” His mouth lifts in a grin. “You beat a rapist, Athena. In my book, he got what he deserved, and we both know men like that exist. Don’t make yourself a target.”

He’s right. I should take him up on his offer for a ride. I need to save every penny for a car.”

When I click the seat belt once I’m inside of his truck, I ask, “Why are you being kind to me? I just told you I’m the girl responsible for taking an ax to a man, and you’re offering me a ride home.”

“You gave me advice when I needed it; I’m returning the favor.” Like that’s a good enough reason. “I’m not going to tell anyone, so don’t worry.”

I appreciate his offer in keeping his mouth shut. “Are you going to tell Draco?”

He glances toward the main highway. He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, the tension growing thick. “I don’t know. Would you care if I did or didn’t?”

Better now than later.

“We both know you will. Is there anything you don’t tell him?”

“He’s my uncle,” he says. “I tell him everything.”

“Where are your parents?” I ask curiously.

He mentions Draco like he’s his only family or something. He never mentions a mother, sister, or another sibling.

“What do you mean?”

I arch a brow. “The woman who gave birth to you.”

“Dead,” he says quietly.

I look away, watching the trees out the window. The sun beginning to set on the horizon. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He clears his throat. “I’ve come to terms with it.”

“I’ve come to terms with mine. Not like that, but it kinda feels the same.”

“How’s that?” he asks, glancing at me briefly.

“She disowned me for what I did to her precious husband. After my conviction, she handed me over to the state.

“Jesus, that…sucks.”

“I quickly learned you can’t love what doesn’t want you.”

“Still sucks, though,” he says softly. “Any other family?”

“No. Now it’s your turn.”

He sighs, turning into a burger spot that looks like a college hangout. There are red tables outside with metal benches. A small house turned into a burger joint with two small windows in front sits at the center.

College kids and couples sit at the tables eating burgers, laughing with friends. There’s a vent on top blowing smoke that smells like a backyard barbecue. I watch couples hold hands and people taking pictures. The feeling of nostalgia hits me every time I think of my life and how it would have been different. Had I completed high school and attended college like a typical teenager, my life would have been very different.

“Why are we here?” I ask when he parks.

“You skipped breakfast at the diner, and I’m sure you’re hungry, especially now that it’s getting late.” To answer your question, the carnival is my family. My friends, the circus, my father, and uncle. That’s my family.”

It must be nice to have family. People who care about you. It makes me feel like shit that I’m alone and have no one. But I might as well get used to it when people find out who I am. I could go to another town, but Stockbridge is all I know.

I got one ride and decided to come back here to find answers as to why and how it happened. I have to look at the bright side; it’s not like I’m going hungry. I’m not sleeping on a park bench while pushing a shopping cart. For now, I have Rose and maybe Rachel until I don’t.

We find an open table. I take a seat, ignoring the stares from the people around me, while Kaden sits next to me, carrying two combo orders with Cokes.

“Why are they staring?” I whisper.

He smiles, tearing open two straws. “They recognize me from school.”

“Are you popular?”

He looks around, ignoring the girls staring. Kaden is hot; he has a similar build to Draco, except he’s two inches shorter with a more boyish face. He’s adorable in a brotherly sort of way.

Something like that,” he says in amusement. “They know I work at the haunted carnival. The girls find it intriguing.”

“You don’t think it’s because they find you cute?”

He snorts. “From what I hear, cute is the last word they use when they talk about me.”

“So then why the Church when you can have all these girls?”

“Trust me, it’s better this way. The one girl I like doesn’t want me.”

I look at him like he’s lost his mind. “Let me guess, she’s blind.”

He laughs. “No, far from it. Her parents are wealthy and don’t approve of guys like me dating their daughter.”

I place the burger down after taking a bite. “Is she here?”

He stares at his food like he’s full. “Maybe.”

So she is here, and that’s why he offered to bring me here specifically. If this girl and her parents are too stuck up to accept him, then fuck them.

“Where?” I ask, trying not to make it obvious as I scan the crowd.

“Behind you. Two o’clock. A brunette wearing a Phillip Plein T-shirt is sitting next to a guy wearing a Stockbridge Football hoodie.”

I pretend to stretch and sneak a glance. There’s a brunette with a bored expression staring this way. The jock seated next to her is in deep conversation with the guy seated at another table. She’s pretty. Pouty lips, light makeup, and a slim figure, but what makes her stand out are her eyes; they’re sky blue, and the eyeliner she is wearing makes them stand out even more.

I lean close to Kaden and lower my voice. “Have you asked her out?”

“No, she has a boyfriend.”

I quirk a brow. “And? She isn’t married to him with kids or anything. I’m sure she can talk to other people.”

“Not with Kevin. He makes it known she’s his.”

“I don’t think she agrees.” The girl in question is staring directly at me like she wants to bite my head off.

I smile, recognizing the jealousy she is desperately trying to hide.

“What are you doing?” he whispers.

“I’m smiling at her. I’m not her enemy. Has she said anything to you?”

“I’ve tried a few times,” he says, but I can tell it didn’t go well. What’s wrong with this girl? “Small talk,” he continues, “In class, lunch. We went to Stockbridge High together last year. I was homeschooled for three years before that, but I wanted to see what regular school was like for my senior year in high school. So I went, and that’s when I met her.” He sips his Coke. “And Kevin.”

“What’s Kevin like?”

“He’s a dick. A selfish, entitled prick that thinks his shit doesn’t stink because he plays football and his parents come from money.” He wipes his mouth as if he has a bad taste in it. “She’s a cheerleader and daddy’s little girl.”

I wouldn’t know much about it because I never met my biological father or what it’s like to be a cheerleader and have a boyfriend who’s a jock. But I’m guessing Kaden isn’t a fan of both. But I do think he’s good-looking and dangerous. Every father should hide his precious daughter from him or she might run away with him.

“You’re every father’s nightmare. What’s her name?”

“Mia,” he says softly.

“Mia,” I repeat softly. “Pretty name.”

I resume eating my meal quietly, not knowing what else to say. I don’t know what to say, honestly. What advice I could give him.

“That’s it?”

I wipe my mouth. “What do you mean?”

“That’s all you have to say.”

I shrug my shoulders. “What would you like me to say? Go over there, fuck him up, and throw her over your shoulder like a caveman. Lock her in your bedroom until she’s convinced you’re Prince Charming and will make all her dreams come true.”

He chuckles lightly. “It’s not a terrible idea.”

I raise my brows. “You’re kidding?”

He laughs, bumping into me. “No, not really.”

Sucking in a breath, something hot and powerful zaps my arm when his shoulder brushes against me.

My mind goes blank, and all I see is a little boy about five years old with black hair, his head thrown back laughing as he goes around in circles on a carnival ride.

“Mommy, it’s so much fun!” He cries in laughter as the twirl-a-whirl continues.

spins him around.

I hear myself laugh, but it’s different. Like the time I was on stage at the club and Draco was watching me. The same thing happened. I was in my body, but I was someone else.

“It looks fun, Keir,” I say, my lips moving and then lowering to a whisper, “Mommy loves you, Kier Kaden Hades.”

“What did you just say?” Kaden’s voice breaks the image from my mind.

I blink a couple of times, confused. Kaden’s face coming into focus. The voices of the people sitting at the other tables getting louder.

“What?” There is no way he could have heard. It wasn’t me speaking. It was someone else. Wasn’t it?

““You blanked out. You were staring at me, but you were somewhere else. I called your name, and then you said…” He shakes his head slowly.

“I didn’t say anything,” I tell him, trying to convince myself that I didn’t.

It was a dream. A vision. Maybe it’s the pills the doctor sent me causing some type of psychosis, or I’m fucking crazy, and I’m imagining shit that isn’t real.

“Yes, you did,” he counters. “You said…” he pauses again, his expression changing from confused to yearning for what I have no idea.

It’s not sexual, more of a friendly connection. Brotherly. He found out my real name and what I’ve done, and instead of driving off, he brought me here to eat and talk, and I’m trying to figure out why.

Kaden is so much different from Draco. It’s like he’s seeking answers. But I’m the last one he should be expecting it from.

“What did I say, Kaden?”

I didn’t say anything, so there is no way he could have heard me. Did I?

“Well, well. Look who decided to show up.” I look behind Kaden, and it’s Mia’s boyfriend Kevin with Mia standing behind him, next to three other assholes that must be on the football team, judging by their size and build.

My eyes cut to Mia’s boyfriend, all six feet of pure stupid with blond hair and green eyes. A smirk plastered on his pretty boy face.

Kaden stares at me for a few seconds before turning around completely unfazed. “What’s wrong, Kevin? Missed me?”

He snorts, glancing at Mia, who is trying not to stare at Kaden. I can tell she is interested. Mia wants Kaden but manages to hide it. Another thing I’ve learned from working at a club with horny men is that they have insecurities. That’s why Kevin made the effort to walk over here and give Kaden shit. He’s worried.

“What’d I tell you about staring at my girl?”

“I wasn’t staring. As you can see, I’m with someone. Why don’t you go throw a football around and fuck off? You lost the last game by seventeen points.”

His friend coughs.

Kevin looks around, embarrassed that everyone’s attention is focused on us.

“Yeah, well. At least I’m not a freak dressing up and wearing makeup, you fucking circus clown,” he sneers, spilling the cup of soda across the table, causing me to jerk into Kaden.

“Kevin, let’s go. Leave him alone. I told you he wasn’t staring at me.”

“Not now, Mia,” he chides, causing Kaden’s fist to clench.

Kaden’s jaw tightens. His chest is rising and falling in deep, measured breaths. The air around us crackles with tension, like a rubber band on the verge of breaking. He’s about to kick Kevin’s ass. Kaden has two inches in height on Kevin and is more agile with a better physique. The anger emanating from him at the moment is undeniable; Kevin ought to heed his girlfriend’s advice and move on.

The familiar zap of energy I felt moments ago makes an appearance, but this time, it causes me to laugh maniacally. Kaden’s eyes flick to mine. He furrows his brows in confusion, but I can’t help it. I’m pissed. It feels like someone smacked my kid in his face and kicked my puppy. Broke my favorite doll.

I turn around. “What do you have against clowns?” I ask Kevin, getting up from the bench. Kaden tries to grab my wrist, but I shrug him off.

Kevin gives me a once-over. “Who the fuck are you?”

“A girl who likes clowns.” I smile manically and then say slowly, “I ask again, what do you have against clowns?”

Kevin curls his lip and replies, “I think they’re stupid. They cry. They are nothing but freaks hiding behind a mask.” He glances at Kaden standing behind me. His eyes swing back to me. “A bunch of pussies.”

My stomach churns with anger. Kaden’s right about Kevin. My eyes shift to Mia, trying to understand why she chooses this asshole over Kaden when he is clearly the better option. He could easily have lost it but is maintaining his composure, but for whatever reason, I can tell that composure is about to snap if this asshole fucks with me, and I have no idea why. I’m nothing to him or anyone.

“Fuck him,” a female voice repeats in my head. ”Fuck him, fuck him. Let’s play.”

“Do you know why a clown cries, Kevin?” I ask in a small voice.

“Let’s go,” Kaden whispers. “They’re not worth it.” I watch Mia’s expression recoil, but I don’t care if she chose wrong.

A wave of protectiveness wraps around my heart, screaming at me not to let this slide, hating the look of triumph in Kevin’s eyes. “Do you, Kevin?”

“I don’t know who the fuck you are…”

“Careful,” Kaden interrupts, “Watch how you talk to her.”

Mia glances between me and Kaden, jealousy spilling from her eyes.

“What, she’s your girl?”

I shake my head. “You’re deviating, Kevin. Clowns cry, not because they’re sad.” I step close and lower my voice. “They cry because they smell fear. They feed off it. The same way I’m feeding off yours right now.”

He scoffs, “I’m not scared of this piece of shit.”

Kaden pushes Kevin, making him stumble backward. His friends rush forward to grab him, but I move faster, placing the palm of my hand on Kaden’s chest, preventing him from doing anything that could attract further attention. “Don’t…” I glance at Kevin, Mia, and his friends, then back. “You’re right. They’re not worth it.” I can’t have the cops show up. “Let’s go,” I push Kaden gently back toward his truck.

I don’t know what came over me, but all I wanted to do was hurt Kevin. Not for me. Not for what he said, but for Kaden.