Page 17

Chapter 16

We cooked dinner together that evening, and we moved around the kitchen like a team. While I cooked my mama’s spaghetti and meatballs, Eden prepared the salad and heated the garlic bread.

Deciding to eat informally in the living room, we settled onto the couch. Eden brought in two glasses of red wine and handed them to me as she picked up two coasters from the holder and then laughed.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, and she held them up for my inspection. One read, I want to be sweated on and the other, I prefer being on bottom. She set the latter in front of me with a sassy wink before turning the rest of them upside down.

“I say we don’t look at them. We just choose a new one every day, like a fun little surprise.”

“Yeah, we need more surprises in our lives right now,” I deadpanned, making her bubble over with giggles. I reveled in the pure sweetness of the sound and vowed to myself to make it happen as often as possible while we were in this fucked up situation.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen 24 . Jack Bauer is awesome,” she said, turning on the TV and DVD player.

“That’s Kiefer Sutherland’s character?” I asked.

She settled on the couch beside me. “Yep, and each episode is one hour in the day. Twenty-four episodes per season, hence the name.”

“You’re the only person I know that doesn’t sound like a pretentious asshole when they say the word hence ,” I told her, picking up my plate. The aromas were perfect, a blend of tomato and Italian spices.

“Gee, thanks,” Eden retorted. “Best compliment ever.”

“Happy wife, happy life,” I shot back.

She puffed out an exasperated sigh. “Shut up and eat, demon spawn.”

Covering a smirk, I turned my attention to the television. Two hours later, I was hooked on this damn show. Eden had been correct. It was jammed full of action as the main character, Jack Bauer, worked with the Counter Terrorism Unit to track down terrorists. He was ruthless and a fucking badass.

When I was in the kitchen refilling our wine glasses, I stiffened at the ringing of the doorbell. Sprinting back into the living room, I saw Eden headed toward the front door. “No!” I hissed, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her to her bedroom. “Get in the closet and stay there.”

I didn’t even give her time to respond, closing the door and dashing to my room for my gun. With it pressed to my thigh and my heart beating like a racehorse’s, I made my way to the front door and pressed my eye to the peephole.

An elderly couple stood on the doorstep, and my pulse calmed a tad. They looked like Santa and Mrs. Claus and appeared to be completely harmless, but I wasn’t taking any chances. Leaving the chain lock engaged, I cracked the door open.

“Can I help you?” I asked pleasantly, the gun hidden behind my back.

“Hi, Osbourne family! We brought you a welcome gift,” the lady sang, holding up a plate stacked high with brownies.

They know our new name. That must mean they’ve talked to Jamie and Robert, right? My mind quickly worked through the scenario and judged them to be nothing more than friendly neighbors. I hoped.

“Oh, hi. Just let me unlock this,” I said, closing the door, stashing my gun in the cabinet beside me, and disengaging the chain.

“Oh. My. Goodness! Aren’t you a handsome young man,” the lady chirped, shoving the plate of goodies into my hand and pinching my cheek.

“Oh, uh, that’s…” Before I could finish, I caught something in my peripheral vision. Eden. Goddammit. My heart rate picked up again as she strode across the floor with a hand outstretched. I told her ass to stay put while I checked out what was going on.

“Hi, I’m Eden Osbourne,” she said, shaking the hands of both newcomers. “You must be the sweet neighbors Jamie told us about.”

Huh. I kinda sorta vaguely remembered that, but it still didn’t stop my fingers from tightening on the plate when the older woman reached for Eden. What if she was some kind of assassin in disguise? I had the overwhelming urge to tug on her gray hair to see if it was a wig.

But she simply hugged Eden before pulling back and beaming at her. “You are pretty as a picture, just like Jamie said.”

The old man looked at me with a chagrined shake of his head before finally speaking. “Uh, honey bun, maybe we should introduce ourselves before you go pinching and hugging these young’uns.” His voice was a deep, Southern drawl that somehow soothed my nerves.

“Oh right, sorry about that,” the lady tittered. “We’re your neighbors. The house to your right. I’m Helen Mims, but everyone calls me Mimsy. This is my husband, Charles.”

“Everyone calls me Charles,” he deadpanned, and I chuckled, shifting the plate to one hand so I could give him a firm shake.

“I’m Dane Osbourne, and this is my wife, Eden.”

“We know,” Mimsy said cheerfully. “We had dinner with Jamie and Robert when they were in town, and they told us you two would be honeymooning down here.”

“Ooh, what is this?” Eden asked, lifting the corner of the plastic wrap covering the plate in my hand. The scent of chocolate and sugar escaped, and I was suddenly very hungry for brownies. “These smell wonderful. Thank you for thinking of us.”

The woman patted her husband’s chest. “Charles here is the baker in the family. He owns Sweet Heaven, which is the best damn bakery in the Keys.” Pride emanated from her every word.

“Would you like to come inside and have a brownie with us?” Eden asked politely.

“Well, that would be wonderful,” Mimsy chirped happily. “It’s nice to have some young folks in the neighborhood. Of course, Robert and Jamie are younger than us, and then there’s Charlisse and her darling little boy, Cooper, who live across the street. Other than that, just a bunch of old fuddy duddies live on this street.”

I did my best to hold back a snicker as I wondered how old one had to be to earn the title of fuddy duddy in her eyes.

Charles settled his large frame on one end of the couch, like he’d sat there many times before, and I followed the women into the kitchen with the plate of brownies in my hand.

“Here’s where they keep the K-cups,” Mimsy was saying, opening a drawer. “Do you know how to operate a Keurig?”

“Yes, ma’am. I had one at home,” Eden replied. While they started the coffee, I pulled down small saucers.

“You don’t need one for Charles,” the older woman told me. “He has diabetes, so no brownies for him.”

Placing one of the small plates back in the cabinet, I asked, “How does that work with him owning a bakery?”

“He only tastes small bites to make sure his flavors are spot on, but he doesn’t snack after work.” Then she laughed boisterously and smacked her hip. “He also relies on me as a taste tester, which accounts for the healthy size of my rump.”

After plating the brownies, which were topped with a decadent chocolate frosting, I carried three saucers to the living room and sat on the love seat. The ladies followed shortly after with the coffee.

Mimsy sat beside her husband, and Eden hesitated between the couch and the love seat, eyes darting around as if she couldn’t decide where to sit. With a subtle jerk of my chin, I indicated exactly where she needed to be, and she rolled her lips inward before perching on the love seat as far away from me as possible.

Well, we can’t have that, can we?

Looping an arm around her waist, I hauled her toward me until she was right up against me, the side of one small, soft breast pressed against my rib cage.

“Relax, wifey,” I whispered into her ear, noticing her lips twitch before she reached for a chunk of brownie and stuffed it into my mouth. A small gasp escaped from her when I rolled my tongue briefly around the tip of her index finger, holding eye contact with her. Until a voice interrupted us.

“So, Jamie and Robert told us a little about you. I know you’re twenty-two and twenty-seven,” Mimsy said, nodding first at Eden and then at me. Those were the ages we’d decided on with Robert and the ones reflected on our new IDs. “But how did you meet?”

I smiled as if thinking of a fond memory and launched into our fake backstory. “Eden lived next door to my Uncle Gael. Whenever I came to visit, I always thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world.” I kissed her temple, earning a swoony sigh from Mimsy.

“I thought he was a pest,” Eden said flatly before looking up at me. “But he slowly grew on me. Kinda like a big, hairy mole.”

A bark of laughter escaped me, and I lowered my hand to pat my wife’s hip. “Her beauty caught my eye first, but Eden’s sass is what sealed the deal.” I looked down at the little vixen who was smirking up at me. “And her heart. She took care of my uncle… did his shopping, cooked for him, took him to doctor’s appointments.”

Our eyes were fused together, and I felt a magnetic pull between us. With a clearing of her throat, Eden broke eye contact and continued the story. “Uncle Gael always wanted us together. He fancied himself a bit of a matchmaker and was so excited when we started dating a couple years ago.”

“My uncle was so enamored of Eden, he even wrote her into his will, right along with me.”

Jamie had brilliantly come up with that part of the story, which explained how such a young couple had money, even though neither of us were currently employed.

Mimsy leaned forward in her seat, eyes bright. “Oh, I just love this story! Did Gael live to see you get married?”

“He did,” Eden answered, her lips creasing into a sad smile. “But just barely. He passed away the next day.”

“Oh dear.” The older woman’s hand went to her chest.

“That’s why we’re just now taking our honeymoon, even though we’ve been married for a couple months now,” I added. “We’ve been busy wrapping up things with his estate. Jamie is an old family friend of Eden’s and she offered to let us use this home for an extended vacation while we decide where we want to live.”

“Jamie’s a peach of a gal,” Charles said, swiping a finger through the frosting on his wife’s brownie when she wasn’t looking and sticking it into his mouth. I met his eye and subtly indicated that he had a smudge of chocolate in his white beard. “Thanks,” he mouthed, scrubbing at the spot with one hand.

“These brownies are fantastic,” Eden said, changing the subject.

“That’s Charles’s signature dessert,” Mimsy said, patting her husband’s leg. “Everyone around loves them.”

“I can see why,” I told them, finishing off the rest of mine with my free hand. Sugar, butter, and rich chocolate melted onto my tongue. “This frosting is amazing, and the texture of the brownie is perfect.”

Charles nodded. “Thank ya kindly. I do love a fudgy brownie.”

Mimsy eyed her plate before darting a suspicious glare up at her husband, who managed to look as innocent as an angel.

“Do you have wedding photos?” she asked, and I silently thanked Jamie and Robert for thinking of that particular detail.

Grabbing my phone from the coffee table, I scrolled until I found the pictures and handed my phone over. “These are just the sneak peeks the photographer sent us. We’ll be placing an order for prints soon.”

Mimsy oohed and ahhed over all the pics, finally coming to the one of Eden and I kissing. “This! This one is simply stunning!” She stared at it for a long moment before returning my phone to me. “I can just feel the love between you two.”

My eyes rested on the screen. It was a very believable photo. Eden and I looked so… right together. Especially with my lips on hers and her hands tangled in my hair. I couldn’t deny that I felt something for my fake wife. But love? No way. Not me.

We chatted for another thirty minutes, learning that the Mimses were originally from Mississippi but moved to Florida about eleven years ago because, and I quote, “That’s what old folks are supposed to do.”

Finally, Charles stood and reached out a hand to help his wife up. “Let’s hit the road, Mimsy. I’m sure Dane and Eden have better things to do than entertain us.”

“Ahhh, yes,” she said, tossing a wink at us. “Newlywed things.”

Eden let out a tiny squeak, and her cheeks flushed. It was so fucking adorable, and I couldn’t help myself. Wrapping a hand around the back of her head, I laid my lips against the tip of her nose in a gentle kiss.

“That’s right, babycakes. All the newlywed things.” I didn’t think it was possible, but her face pinkened even more. This bold, gorgeous woman got flustered over a little sex talk, and I freaking loved it.

Then with a slight shake of her head, sassy Eden was back, swatting me on the butt and scolding, “Cool it, Romeo. We have company.”

“Oh, that’s all right. A healthy sex life is very important in a marriage,” Mimsy intoned wisely. “We’ll let you get on with it. Give us a holler if you need help finding anything in town.”

“We, uh, o-okay,” Eden stuttered before composing herself. “We already know where the best bakery is, but we’ll let you know if we need anything else.”

After a quick hug between the women, the couple left, and Eden whirled on me. “What was all that?”

“All what?” I asked innocently.

“Babycakes?” Then she lowered her voice and repeated my words back to me. “All the newlywed things.”

“She started it,” I tattled, pointing at the closed front door like the mature adult I was. “What was I supposed to say? No, we’re refraining from sex during our honeymoon. ”

Eden let out a long exhale. “I guess that would sound stupid.”

I took a step toward her until we were only inches apart and lowered my voice. “I’m never getting married for real, but if I did, I can promise you, the honeymoon would be the opposite of abstinent. My wife wouldn’t be able to walk properly for weeks when I was done getting my fill of her.”

She lifted her chin, though I noticed she took a half step back to put more space between us. “Good thing we’re not really married then. I like having full use of my legs.”

A Grinch-like smile crept across my lips. “You’d be surprised how willingly a woman would give up the ability to walk if the dick was good enough.”

Eden’s nose crinkled, and she turned to stalk out of the living room, tossing over her shoulder, “You’re a pig.”

“But I’m not wrong, Wildcat,” I called back. “Make sure to limp a little if you see Mimsy tomorrow. Wouldn’t want her to be disappointed in my abilities.” That comment earned me a middle finger from Eden, but I was pretty sure I heard her chuckle.

Just a little.