Page 40 of Love to Defy You (The Dark Love #2)

The Russian girl claps her hands together. “You’re such a cute couple. I’m sure you two will be very happy.” She picks up the glass of wine the bartender sets out for her. “Anyway, congratulations. Nice to meet you.” She waves to us before rejoining the party.

I step out of Enzo’s embrace, but it’s hard to meet his eye. “Thank you for that. I just couldn’t find the words to explain to her...”

“You looked like you needed saving.” Enzo grabs one of the tequila shots from the counter and raises it in the air. “Shall we toast to our fake engagement?”

With a giggle, I pick up the other shot glass. “To fake engagements.” I pluck the lemon off the top and lick the salt off the rim.

He pauses with his glass close to his lips. His gaze follows the trail of my tongue as I swirl it around the rim, and the night air grows thick between us.

I like Enzo’s hungry eyes on me. Even though I’m emotionally raw and hopped up on antidepressants and alcohol, I crave his attention. I need someone to want me after Alek threw me away like a used toy he outgrew, to make me feel wanted again and distract me from the pain gripping my heart.

Sex is my escape. When the world sucks, as it so often does, sex makes me numb to everything except the sensual pleasure between my legs. It’s a fleeting fix, a Band-Aid for a bullet wound, but there’s an empty chasm where my heart is supposed to be, and I need it filled somehow.

I sling back the shot and bite down on the lemon to ease the burn in my mouth.

Enzo follows my lead, then sets the empty glass down on the counter. “Dance with me.”

I tick my jaw, gripping the bar counter until my knuckles turn white. Dancing is the last thing I want to do. It’s not enough. I need something more exhilarating, more distracting. Something that will push Alek from my mind, even if it’s only a brief respite.

“No.” I set my empty shot glass down next to his. “I have a better idea.”

Fuck it. I’m doing this.

I check the dance floor to make sure my dad and Galina are distracted. “Follow me.”

I snatch a bottle of liquor while the bartender’s back is turned and set off toward the woods.

I don’t turn around to make sure Enzo’s following me.

I feel his eyes on my ass as I stumble and swerve toward the tree line, and when I enter the forest, I go as far as the twinkling party lights will take me.

I turn around and lean against the tree as Enzo prowls closer, leaves crunching beneath his shoes. While I wait, I screw off the cap of the bottle and raise it to my lips. The vodka burns my throat on the way down, but I welcome it if it distracts me from the heartache.

Enzo approaches, and without a word, I pass the bottle to him.

He accepts and takes a swig, but he keeps his dark eyes on me.

The dim light from the party streaks between the tree trunks, casting strange shadows across his face and broad chest. The forest is quiet, and the music from the party is far away.

I’m alone in the woods with Enzo, and I’m shaking. It’s thrilling, sneaking off with him, but it’s also so, so wrong. Alek may be done with me, but I still feel loyal to him, and if I cross the line with Enzo, there’s no coming back from it.

Between the alcohol and the pills, my head is swimming with a heady mixture of lust and guilt.

He passes the bottle back to me, and I drink deeply.

Enzo steps closer until I’m caged against the tree. He presses his palms to the trunk on either side of my head. “Willow... what are we doing?”

The bottle falls from my hands into the dirt, splashing vodka onto our legs.

I swallow. “I’m not sure yet.”

He takes a step closer, pushing me against the tree with his hips. “Tell me what you want from me.” The heat in his eyes scorches my skin as he studies my face.

“I… I don’t know.” My eyes drop to his lips, which hover over mine, and when he wets them, the shine reminds me of the forbidden apple that tempted Eve. Is that what I want? To kiss Enzo? To hurt Alek?

I don’t know. All I want is not to feel like shit anymore, and I only have two coping mechanisms—fuck someone or kill myself.

I’m so fucking pathetic.

Enzo doesn’t give me a chance to decide for myself. He yanks me forward and crashes his lips over mine, and I’m too stunned to react.

Even as another man kisses me, I only think of Alek. Why isn’t this working? This isn’t the escape I need to chase the pain away.

Instead, it feels like a bucket of ice water dumped over my head, and it’s sobering.

I plant my palms on his shoulders and shove him off. He stumbles back before catching his balance, and he stares at me in utter confusion, blinking wildly as his shirt strains against the heavy rise and fall of his chest.

“I… I can’t.” My lip trembles as a wave of guilt hits me hard in the gut, and hot tears sting my eyes. I wrap my arms around myself and shrink against the tree while fighting the sob wrestling its way up my throat.

His eyes darken. “Willow—“

“I still love him.” The dam breaks under the crushing weight of my devotion to Aleksandr Kurochkin—the guy who broke my heart—and the tears gush forth.

Enzo emits a low growl. “You’re the one who brought me out here. I know you want this.”

My gaze dips to his tented pants. “I’m sorry… I can’t give that to you.”

I’m not ready. I can’t fuck Enzo while wearing Alek’s engagement ring, and as hurt as I am, I can’t bring myself to cross that line and betray him, even though I want to hurt him the way he hurt me.

Enzo cups himself over his pants. “Do you see how much you affect me? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve jerked off while pretending it was your hand around me? How many times I fucked Birgitta and imagined it was you in her place?”

Before I met Alek, I wouldn’t have hesitated to fuck some girl’s boyfriend. I didn’t care how attached a guy was because all I wanted was a good fuck. My emotions never got in the way since sex was the only way to turn them off.

But Birgitta is my friend, and Enzo is hurting her the way Alek hurt me.

Raking my fingers through my hair, I drop my head, and my tears fall onto the ground beneath me. “I can’t do this right now.”

When Alek came along, he made me feel things, whether it was passion or fear. He wasn’t like all the others who came before him, and every time he touched me, it was exhilarating. It meant something to me, even if it didn’t mean anything to him in the end.

Even now, after he shattered my heart, I still can’t turn off my emotions when it comes to him. I wish I could let go with Enzo and forget about Alek, but I can’t. Not after knowing what it’s like to be intimate with a man I love.

Enzo scoffs. “You like being a cocktease, don’t you?”

I suck in a sharp breath, but his cruel words speak the truth. There’s no use denying it.

Without looking up, I hear Enzo walk away, crunching twigs under his feet as he returns to the party.

When his footsteps fade, I finally look up and glance around at the empty forest. I don’t hear any animals or insects—only the distant laughter of wedding guests having a much better night.

This is my dad’s wedding, and I don’t want to ruin it, but my loneliness crashes down on me and I sink to the ground beneath its weight. My shoulders rack with sobs, and I bring my hand over my mouth to keep from wailing into the night.

The following afternoon, I take a taxi from my dad’s house to the airport outside of Olininburg. Dad and Galina spent their wedding night at a hotel, and having the house to myself only made me realize how alone I am. I barely slept.

I approach the ticket counter at the airport with my luggage and hand the agent my passport. She scans it, but instead of turning green, the light turns red. Frowning, she checks her computer screen.

“I’m so sorry, miss.” She gives me an apologetic smile. “It says you don’t have a ticket booked. Are you sure it’s with this airline?”

“What do you mean?” I pull out my phone to check my booking confirmation. “I always fly with you guys when I come in and out of Andarusia.”

The agent taps a couple of keys. “Oh, wait, it looks like you canceled your flight this morning.”

“What? No, I didn’t.” I open my email, and sure enough, at the top of my inbox is an unread message labeled RE: Confirmation of Cancellation . “There has to be some mistake. I didn’t cancel my flight.”

“Unfortunately, it looks like there aren’t any seats left,” the agent says. “I could book you on the next flight to Zurich instead, if you’d like?”

I sigh and slump against the counter. “Fine. When is it?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

I straighten up. “What? I’ll miss my Monday classes.” Not to mention, I’m anxious to get home to confront Alek, and I’m not sure I can go another night without talking to him.

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do,” she says.

This week keeps finding ways to screw me over. But just when I think things can’t get any worse, I catch a glimpse of a familiar figure standing at the end of the counter—Enzo, with a bouquet of two dozen red roses cradled in his arms.

I grab my luggage and roll it over to him. “Let me guess. You’re the one who canceled my flight?”

He gives me a tight smile. “I knew you wouldn’t talk to me otherwise.” Enzo holds out the bouquet of roses toward me. “I owe you an apology.”

Instead of accepting the flowers, I fold my arms and stare at him. “You’ve got some nerve.”

He drops his arms—the rejected flowers—at his side. “Look, come back to Zurich with me, and we can talk on the plane, okay? I’ll even let you punch me if that will make you feel better.”

I run my palms down my cheeks and let out a heavy sigh.

Either I wait until tomorrow to take a commercial flight home or I go with Enzo now.

I’m desperate to see Alek, but I worry that as soon as I do, it’ll erase the last shred of hope I have of saving our relationship.

All I want to know is what went wrong. How did we go from being engaged a week ago to him going no-contact?