Page 31 of Love to Defy You (The Dark Love #2)

Why the hell am I crying? My deepest, darkest fantasy came to life, so I should be exhilarated or satisfied. I fucking loved what Alek and I just did, and I would do it again if I could, so why am I reacting this way?

I miss the fullness of being sheathed around Alek’s shaft, and all that’s left is emptiness. A sob wrenches from my throat.

Alek runs his hand over my back. “What’s wrong?”

I swallow the next sob down. “That was... intense.” Even my whisper echoes against the arched ceiling, and I’m sure our audience heard every word.

“Shit, you’re having a sub drop. Come here.” Alek gathers me into his arms and cradles my head to his chest. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.” He shoots Enzo a glare and raises his voice. “Are we done?”

I peek over my shoulder at Enzo, who appraises me with a sober expression. Is he disappointed in me? After all, I was supposed to be the perfect pythia, and here I am weeping like a child after my first test.

Enzo nods, framed by the backdrop of human skulls reaching from the altar to the ceiling. “The ritual is complete. You may go.”

Alek lifts me off the bed and carries me like a newborn.

The hooded figures in the circle have tucked their cocks back into their cloaks, and the seductive fever pitch that held the room in a chokehold has dissipated.

They turn their heads slowly, tracking us as Alek breaks through the circle and carries me to the exit.

I wrap my arms around his neck and burrow my face against his chest.

“You did so well,” Alek whispers into my hair. “You were exquisite, malishka .”

Our guide, the hooded figure with the torch, waits for us in the corridor, and we follow him back the way we came. Alek carries me the whole way until we reach the stairwell, and he sets me down on the bench next to his wallet and cell phone.

Alek rounds on our guide. “Where are our clothes?”

“When you arrived, you shed your mortal attire,” the cloaked figure rasps. “You will leave in the clothing befitting a pythia and her god.”

“Fucking great.” Alek snatches his phone and wallet off the bench in one hand. He grabs my wrist with the other and pulls me to my feet. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Alek leads me up the stairs and opens the cellar door at the top. The wood creaks on its hinges as the frigid night air bites our cheeks.

Twigs and rocks cut my feet as we make our way through the bushes toward the sidewalk, and I whimper. When we emerge from the brush, Henri Rooman rushes up to us, and I startle.

“What happened to you two?” Henri glances down at our filthy robes and bare feet.

Alek scans the quad. “Where’s your pythia?”

“Oh, well, uh...” Henri’s complexion colors scarlet. “I’m sort of exclusive with Prisha now, so I didn’t bring anyone.”

Under any other circumstance, I would grab Alek’s phone out of his hand and call Prisha to demand the details, but all I can think about is the implications of him coming here solo tonight.

Alek swears under his breath. “You don’t have a pythia?”

Henri shakes his head. “No, but they said a substitute would be provided.”

I turn my back on the guys just in time. Liquid vomit spews from my mouth into the bushes, and I fold forward, coughing and shaking.

The next morning, I awaken with a jolt. I’m breathing fast, and my racing heart thunders as though it’s trying to claw its way out of my chest. Until I can catch my breath, I fist the sheets and close my eyes against the wave of nausea gripping me.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” Alek’s soothing voice cuts through the blood pumping in my ears. He begins to rub gentle circles on my back with his broad hand.

I blink my eyes open, and the bedroom of our apartment comes into focus. When I turn, Alek is sitting beside me on the bed, his back pressed to the headboard. Judging by the empty coffee cup on his nightstand, he’s been up for a while.

The memories of last night are so vivid—Enzo’s face watching me as I came, my subsequent breakdown in front of dozens of people, and poor, poor Henri…

Despite the nausea, I’m not sure there’s anything left in my stomach to throw up.

“Lie back down, malishka .“ Alek leans me back against the pillows. “Would you like some breakfast? I had crepes delivered.”

“Sure.” My voice is raspy from sleep. “And a big cup of coffee.”

“Coming right up.” Alek stands and leaves the bedroom.

I stare up at the ceiling above, wishing I could forget about my humiliating sub drop. That’s never happened to me before, but I would rather not go through that ordeal again, especially not in front of the Order of Apollo.

The sex, on the other hand, is something I wouldn’t mind trying again. Having an audience get off on watching Alek rail me is an experience I’ll never forget, especially since it might have been the most earth-shattering orgasm I’ve ever had. It was terrifying, and yet, the fear fed my pleasure.

It felt just as exhilarating as the night Alek cornered me in the hall of mirrors, running his switchblade over the most sensitive area on my body.

Terror mixed with lust to create an explosive mixture that sent adrenaline rushing straight to my core.

It makes no sense, but I’m sexually attracted to danger.

Last night, I lived out my deepest, darkest fantasy, and it was so much better than I imagined. How the hell are Alek and I going to top that?

A movement out of the corner of my eye startles me. I gasp as I fall out of the bed, naked and tangled in the sheets, and I shrink against the nightstand.

“ Malishka , it’s just me.“ Alek sets a tray of food down on the bed and rushes over. He crouches in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders as he stares at me with pinched eyebrows.

My heart is racing, and I clutch the sheets to my chest to calm myself down. “Sorry, I just…”

“Don’t apologize.” He stands up and pulls me to my feet, keeping his hands under my elbows to steady me. “Come. Sit down.”

I slump onto the edge of the mattress and try to catch my breath.

“Maybe you should skip the coffee,” Alek says.

He’s right. I’m on edge, and if every little sound or movement sets me off, caffeine will only make it worse.

I prop up the pillows and pull the duvet over my naked body. Alek situates the tray on my lap, and I dive into the banana hazelnut crepe on the plate, but as I eat, I feel his eyes on me.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” Alek asks after a long stretch.

I shrug. “Not really.”

He leans over and places his hand on my calf over the bedcovers. “Last night was intense. I’d be more surprised if you didn’t have a sub drop after that.” Alek drops his gaze and smiles to himself. “You did so well, malishka . Truly.”

“Well, it was either that or die.” I shove another bite of food into my mouth.

It feels wrong to admit that I enjoyed it when the stakes were so high, and guilt twists my gut. Our lives are on the line, and all I want is to do it again. It’s like the first hit of a drug; even though it’s bad for you, the high is so addictive that you’ll do depraved things to get more of it.

“I just want to make sure you’re all right—“

“I’m fine.” I reach over to grab my phone off the nightstand to tune him out.

The last thing I want to do is sort through the complicated web of my thoughts and feelings on the Trial of Lust. How am I supposed to reconcile the fact that one wrong word could end our lives and yet that somehow turns me on?

When my screen lights up, I scroll through the push notifications of everything I missed since I last checked my phone. An email message makes me pause, and I open my inbox to read it further.

“What’s wrong?” Alek asks.

Between my engagement and fighting for survival, I completely forgot about the internship Josie brought up last semester. I never broached the subject with Alek because he was dealing with his own shit, and I didn’t want to bring it up when it wasn’t a sure thing.

But I’m not sure I can hide it any longer, especially since the publishing house in London wants to set up a video interview with me next week.

I chew on my lip. How can I even think about an internship when we might not survive to the end of the semester?

Alek gets impatient and snatches the phone out of my hand.

“Hey!” I reach for it, but he keeps me at arm’s length as he reads the email.

When he’s finished, he glances up. “An internship? In London?”

My shoulders slump as I let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?” He looks at the screen again. “ Malishka , this is great news.”

I push the tray away from me. My appetite has vanished after a couple of bites.

“You don’t want the internship?” Alek quirks his eyebrow.

“It’s not that.” I run my fingers through my hair and stare at the coffee rippling in the mug.

“Then what is it?” he asks. “We won’t be apart, if that’s what you’re worried about. We’ll spend the summer in London together.”

I pin him with a hard stare. “How are we supposed to plan that far ahead when we should be focusing on how to survive the next couple of months?”

After my mom got sick, I stopped dreaming and planning for an abstract future.

It became a blank void, and for a while, I thought it was because I wasn’t meant to live past high school.

After all, it’s hard to self-actualize when you’re just trying to survive day to day and avoid a complete mental breakdown.

But this past year, that changed. After traveling with Alek, I caught glimpses of a promising future for us, and it gave me hope. It drove me to study hard to get into Weltner. I wanted to do better and be better, to dare to be ambitious and chase goals.

Until the Order of Apollo came along and threatened to tear it all down, and now, I’m right back where I started when Mom got sick. Her life was hanging by a thread until the cancer consumed her. How is it any different from Alek trying to survive the Order?

“Hey, don’t do that.” Alek reaches for my hand. “Don’t self-sabotage.”

I’m about to give him an indignant reply, but when I open my mouth, I pause.

Dammit, I hate when he’s right.

“Don’t let the Order stop you from living your life,” Alek says. “Let me worry about that.”

“But if something happens to you…” My voice cracks, and I hold a hand over my mouth as though it will stop the tears threatening to spring forth.

If Alek dies, I won’t be able to go on without him. At that point, the internship wouldn’t even matter because I refuse to live in a world without Alek in it.

“Come here.” He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me onto his lap. When he wraps me in his warm embrace, he kisses my neck. “I’m going to make it. We both are. Our lives will go on, and you’ll come to regret passing this opportunity up.”

I melt against him, burrowing my face into the crook of his neck. All I want is to lose myself in the safety and comfort I feel when he holds me in his arms.

“Finish your breakfast, malishka ,“ he whispers. “And after that, you’re going to email the publishing house back and arrange the interview.”

“And if I refuse?” I ask.

“Good girls get rewards.” He slides his hand over my breast and rolls my nipple between his fingers. “Disobedient ones don’t get to come.”

He nips at my neck, and it sends a thrilling shudder down my spine. Sex is my favorite coping mechanism, and if doing as he says promises an escape from secret societies and homework and terror, I’ll do anything to get it.

“Fine.” I reach for the food tray and pull it toward me, then cut off a huge chunk of my crepe with my fingers and stick it in my mouth. “Just promise me one thing.”

“And what’s that?”

I swallow my food. “That you’ll survive all this bullshit so you can come with me to London this summer.”

He grabs my wrist and pulls my hand to his mouth. After licking the chocolate hazelnut sauce off with an obscene swirl of his tongue, he releases my fingers with a pop. “I promise.”