Page 8 of Love Me Now: Baltimore & Madelyn

Instead of dreaming about him, a baby boy dominated my slumbering thoughts. I was up staring at myself in the mirror, giving myself the pep talk I needed to make this phone call. Several times, I inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. The last bad decision I made nearly ended my life. This decision was one that I didn’t take lightly. Bringing a child into my home, who my deceased husband conceived with another woman, was a bold move. Unconditional love for my own children was one thing. Loving someone who was quite literally the proof of my husband’s infidelity was another thing.

Then, there was the fact that Baby Boy Bell looked just like every Bell man. There was the fact that I would have to look at him every day for the rest of his life and see his mother and father in him. On top of that, I would have to love him and care for him without bias.

I had to laugh. It seemed like Duval was torturing me from the grave, and like Heir said yesterday, she’d be damned if such a thing occurred.I’d be damnedif I let that nigga control how I moved through life after him.

Taking another deep breath, my face went from frowning to smiling in a split second. Running my fingers through my bra-length bone straight, black hair, I pulled it all to one side and struck a pose.

“Girl, get yo’ shit together. You’re a baddie with too much love in your heart to let it go to waste,” I told my reflection. Light entered my eyes, and my skin took on a dewy glow. Something refreshing overtook me. It gave me the courage to go back into my room, pick up my phone, and dial Adir.

As I listened to his phone ring, I went back to stand in front of the bathroom mirror. Again, I ran my fingers through my hair. It was time for a change.

“‘Sup, Auntie?” Adir answered.

“I’ll do it,” I replied. The weight I thought would be in my words was absent. “What are my next steps?”

“We go to court Thursday. I’ll send Dothan ya way to get the paperwork signed.”

“Actually… I’ll meet Dothan at his office. I need to go into the city,” I said.

“Aight. I’ll let him know to expect you.”

“Okay.” My heart raced but in a good way. I was really about to do something that questioned every part of my existence.

“Auntie?”

“Yes.”

“I love you.”

Tears coated my eyes. Adir was such a good man. If I had only looked beneath the surface of his crazy, I would’ve seen how good his heart was. Oh well. The past was the past. This was my present, and I wanted a better future.

“I love you, too, Nephew,” I replied. We hung up, and I was back to looking at myself in the mirror.

“You got it,” I stated, then smiled.

Changing into something comfortable, I got myself ready for the day. I left my room just as Heir opened her door. Toast ran out of her room, tail wagging as she ran up to me. I scooped her up and hugged her, then placed her back on the floor.

“She’s going to get kicked out of my room,” Heir said playfully.

“Well, hopefully, she welcomes Genesis without an issue.”

Perplexed, Heir asked, “Who’s Genesis?”

“Baby Boy Bell,” I responded.

Heir peered at me with unshed tears in her eyes. “Aww, you gave him a name.” She came up to me and took me into a fierce hug that had us both in a fit of tears. Out of everything that came from my union with Duval, Heir was my greatest blessing. Her heart mirrored mine.

As for DJ, I would mourn him for some time. He came from me, so getting over his death wouldn’t be instant. I’d miss his laugh, his smile, and his obnoxious behavior.

“We’re going to be just fine, Mama. Now, when do we get him?” Heir was geeked already.

“We go to court Thursday. I’m about to go sign some papers, get my hair done, and do a little shopping. You wanna go?”

Heir took off to her room. “Let me get ready!” she threw over her shoulder.

Just yesterday she didn’t want to leave the house. Maybe Genesis wasn’t just a new beginning for me. He was a new beginning for Heir, too.

SigningthepaperswithDothan was a breeze. There was no second guessing, no cold feet, or anything. In fact, the pen glided across the paper so smoothly, it was as if time was rushing along just so that I could have Genesis in my arms. Filling out the paper to have his name changed was the icing on the cake. Once too angry to even take this step, now I was anxious to get to Genesis. For one thing, the fact that the Graces were even putting him up for adoption was suspect as hell. He’d been in Gensen’s care since his birth. A part of me wondered what drove her to not want him anymore. On the same hand, I didn’t care. He’d be happy and safe with me.