Page 19 of Love Me in the Dark

Six Months Later

Iset the last box on my coffee table before turning to Cade and Callum. They look worried but also understand that I need to have my own space. I love my brothers, but I fucking hate living with them. Maybe it’s just that they naturally dote on me, and it feels like pity after going through what I did. When I got out of the hospital a week after waking up, I still needed so much help. I couldn’t really do anything by myself.

The first time they had to help me in the bathroom, I sobbed. I trust Cade and Callum, so that wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that I needed help at all. I was covered in stitches from the cuts on my throat, the length of my arms, abdomen, thighs, and down my sides. I also had stitches from a severe tear to my perineum, as well as significant trauma to my rectum. The swelling wasterrible, but the constant reminder of what they did to me hurt the worst. Six weeks after the attack, I was sedated to have all of the stitches removed at one time. The doctor offered to do a little at a time over a week, but I would have rather put my hand in a meat grinder than go through that.

I think the thing that hurt my brothers and I equally was the violent nightmares. Callum ended up moving in temporarily, and I slept between them. I felt like an idiot for needing that comfort, but I think it probably saved my life. They were so bad at first that I was waking up and being so distraught that my mental health was holding on by a thread. I started avoiding sleep altogether until they worked together to drug me. The next day I finally agreed to see a psychiatrist, and I was given medicine that has helped with the panic attacks a lot. By treating the anxiety, it has helped dull my nightmares so that I am not wanting to throw myself off a bridge or blow my brains out to get it to stop.

I asked my psychiatrist if being this angry was normal. She told me it was, but I skipped over the part where I wanted to murder people. I am so goddamn angry, and the only thing that seems to help is thinking and planning on how I would kill a rapist if I got the chance. They are all so fucking stupid, so I could easily lure them. Once I got them alone, I could make them suffer. I know how to get away with it after searching the dark web for a while. You can find anything on there, including a list of targets.

Cade took over the family company, and we both have a master’s degree in computer engineering. My parents started Byam Tech when Cade was an infant, and it has grown into a massive company. I took a lot of time off to heal, but I am finally going back to work tomorrow after working from my laptop the last three months. My plan is simple, really. I will work during the day, and at night I will prepare to find my first rapist. Myultimate goal is to find the men who nearly killed me, but I will have plenty of fun along the way.

“It’s late, guys,” I say. “I’ll work on unpacking, but you two can go and rest.”

“Are you sure?” Cade asks.

“We can stay tonight if you need,” Callum offers.

“No,” I say. “You two have been waiting on me hand and foot for six months. Go and be free. Find a woman to fuck or something.”

“There’s an idea,” Callum laughs.

“I’m not kidding. Neither of you have had any sort of social life since I was attacked. I am okay up here. The place is secure as fuck with the system you installed last week. Mom and Dad had this cabin built in the middle of nowhere for privacy, so I will have plenty of it up here. It’s not even in my name, so no one knows I am here.”

“Alright,” Cade says with a sigh before hugging me. “I love you, Nyx.”

“I love you too, Cade. Go and celebrate your birthday six months late,” I laugh.

“I don’t like how you are implying that you were a burden,” he says with a frown.

“Dude, you had to wipe your little sister’s ass and clean her taint and asshole stitches so that they didn’t get infected. Yes, I was a burden. A giant one. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, though. I know you’d do it all over again if you had to. Both of you would. It is okay for you to be happy that you have your house back,” I say. “I am okay. I am regulated on my medicine. My nightmares are more than tolerable. I am going back to work. I also have plenty of milk. Okay?”

“You are so crude,” Cade laughs. “Where did you learn that shit?”

“You and Callum,” I smile. “Go, Cade. I’m okay. I am going to unpack, cook dinner, and watch trashy romance movies until I pass out. I will see you first thing in the morning.”

“I’ve got him,” Callum says as he hugs me. “Love you, Kid. Call if you need to talk, okay?”

“I will,” I smile. “Drive safe, please.”

“We will,” Callum says as Cade hugs me again.

“I just worry,” Cade says softly.

“I know you do,” I say. “I am alive, healed, and only slightly homicidal.”

“Cover your tracks,” he says jokingly. If only he knew just how serious I actually am.

“I’ll be like Dexter with big titties,” I say, making them both laugh. “Go, guys. Go home.”

They say goodbye once more before I walk them out to the porch. I watch as they get into Cade’s truck next to my SUV and pull out. When they are out of sight, I go in and set the alarm. Being alone is weird, but nice.

The first thing I do is go to the kitchen and start unpacking. I love to bake, so I have everything I would ever need to make just about anything I want. Mom and Dad used to make bread with us when we were growing up, and that ended up being a tradition once they passed. We make bread together every holiday, but I also make it for him on his birthday. I didn’t get a chance to before, so I am making him some tonight. I need to get everything unpacked first, so I go room by room and knock everything out at once. I know if I leave it in a box, it will never come out. Cade insisted on furnishing the cabin with all new furniture and appliances last week, so I am just putting up personal items.

Once I have everything done, I go to the kitchen and multitask, making myself something to eat as well as two loaves of bread. I am making a quick and easy recipe, but I plan onmaking sourdough when I have more time. Cade kept my starter going for me, so it’s tucked away safely in a cabinet. Once I have everything done, I quickly eat and clean up so I can shower. I was going to lay on the couch, but I’m just going to watch movies in bed.

I know I am running on a high right now, and it’s only a matter of time before all this change hits me. My nightmares are likely going to be worse tonight, so I am going to lock my bedroom door so I can’t end up wandering in my sleep. Once, I got out into the street in front of Cade’s house and was still asleep, but screaming before he got to me. That’s when he convinced me to start staying in bed with him. My psychiatrist thought that was a good idea as well because the first night I stayed in bed with him and I had a nightmare, all he had to do was hug me and I’d relax. She said that even asleep I would recognize that I am safe. Turns out she was right.

I go to the bathroom and start the shower before undressing. I never had an issue with my body, and I still don’t, but the scars make me angry. The doctor said they would fade some more over time, but I will also see clearly.