Page 30 of Love Me Forever (Highland Duo #2)

Moira waved her in. “Help is always appreciated.”

Brianna hurried in, quietly eager to talk with her, seeing that Duncan was fast asleep on a thick fur near the hearth. “I have been sulking.”

“Understandable.”

“Do you understand everything?” Brianna joined her on one of the stools that sat at the worktable.

“When a situation is examined, it can be understood, though not always accepted.”

“As with you and my brother when you first met?” Brianna asked, her curiosity caught by the bubbling potions in front of her.

Moira made a notation in her journal, and then laid the quill aside. “Aye, I did not understand your brother’s intentions until I paid close heed to his words and actions and realized that his decision was meant for the good of many. I could not fault him for being unselfish.”

“It took you time to realize this?”

“Of course, I was angry at being used and understandably so, and yet your brother was an honorable man with good intentions, and then . . .” She smiled with delight. “He fell helplessly in love with me.”

“And you with him.” Brianna smiled.

“I had never thought to love.” Moira was serious. “I had thought the remainder of my days would be spent in the convent, and I was content with that. I learned much and continued to learn. I had not known a man’s touch, a lover’s kiss, or the depths of love, so I did not know what

I missed. Your brother changed all that for me, and I am grateful, for my knowledge would never have reached its full potential locked away in a convent.”

“You have no regrets?”

“Not one.”

Brianna thought on this and wondered over her own regrets.

“We cannot change our past. It is the present that should concern us. What do you wish of your life now?”

Brianna considered Moira’s words. “I wish to feel free to love.”

“Why do you not feel free to love?”

“I worry that I make the same mistake—that I trust too easily and too foolishly.”

“You compare Royce to Arran.”

Brianna nodded. “At times I cannot help it. I know it is foolish of me, but then, I think it is foolish if I do not look for similar traits. If I go blindly into this marriage, what then? Do I suffer the same fate?”

“You thought Arran was honest and honorable, and you gave your heart without question.”

She almost laughed, but the sound was anything but humorous. “Arran charmed me and won my heart easily, but then I believed every word he told me.”

“Now you wonder if you should believe Royce.”

“He is not who I thought,” she said sadly.

“Who did you think he was?”

“A warrior with a tender, caring nature and a man who simply wanted to love and be loved.”

“Has your opinion of him changed?” Moira asked.

Brianna remained silent in thought.

“Does he not wish to love and be loved?”

“He was not honest with me.”

“He spoke not of his exploits, the battles he fought; he spoke as a man, a man who simply wished to love. Was that wrong of him?”

Brianna had no answer.

“What if he had confided the truth to you? Would you have feared him? Would you have judged him differently? Would you have wanted to remain alone with him in that cottage?”

“When I first looked upon his injured face, I screamed. I thought him a demon. He spoke softly to me and assured me that he meant me no harm. His touch was gentle and now . . .” Her words drifted off and she grew silent.

Moira finished for her. “And now you wonder how a legendary warrior could touch with such gentleness when his hand wields a mighty sword.”

“I sometimes think him two men.”

“Sometimes men must be two men. Your brother must harden his heart at times when decisions must be made, and that is not easy for him, for he is a caring man and loves deeply.”

“Then do I accept the two sides of Royce?”

“I cannot answer for you. I can tell you that it is not easy for them carrying such a heavy responsibility. I would not want to make some of the choices presented to them. I would not want to know that I sent men to die.”

Brianna recalled the story of Royce’s wounds and how he had chosen to chance death so that his men could live. She sighed heavily. “I do not know why this troubles me so. Royce is courageous, honorable, and truthful in his intentions.”

“Then what prevents you from wedding him? You were insistent that you would never again wed a handsome man, and his scars have seen to altering his fine features.”

Brianna immediately defended Royce. “He is a fine looking man even with his scars.”

Moira smiled. “Then what is the problem?”

Brianna did not need time to think. She knew the answer—had known it—but had refused to admit it. She whispered, “Me.”

Moira simply nodded.

“I am stubborn.”

“It is not always easy to admit our own faults, and besides, you are not stubborn, you are?—”

“Determined,” Brianna finished with a soft laugh.

“Why are you determined not to wed Royce?”

“It is not that I do not wish to wed him.”

“Then again, what is the problem? You say you love him and you do wish to wed him, so why do you hesitate?”

Brianna understood that Moira questioned her so that she would question herself, but the answers did not come easily. “I have repeatedly asked myself that.”

“And have found no answer?”

“None that makes sense,” Brianna admitted.

“Then there is no sound reason for you not to wed Royce, and I remind you again that you do love him—a good reason to wed him.”

“I had always thought to wed for love, and I had thought that I had when I wed Arran.”

“Royce is not like Arran, and I think you know that.”

“Aye, they are completely different; Arran was a coward, Royce has courage,” Brianna said. “I found that I could not trust Arran...”

Moira questioned her reluctance to continue. “Do you refuse to trust Royce? Has he given you any reason besides not completely divulging his identity to you for you not to trust him?”

She shrugged. “He has been good to me, but I wonder why he waited until I stood before my brother to speak the truth.”

“Fear,” Moira answered.

Brianna looked at her strangely. “He is a legendary warrior who has faced death in countless battles.”

“It was merely his life in question then, now it is his heart. What if he had told you before leaving the cottage? Would you have wanted him to return here with you? Or would your anger have spoken before your heart had time to warn you?”

“Stubborn,” she whispered, knowing full well she would have reacted emotionally and probably with regret.

“The choice is yours, Brianna, but then, is that not what Royce told you? Are you angry because he allowed you a choice? For that is what he did.”

Brianna had not considered that. She had told Royce that she could bear him no children.

He had insisted she could, but he had given her the choice to wed him on that very condition.

If she did carry his child they would wed, if she did not the choice was hers.

Was he actually saying the choice was hers all along?

Brianna sighed with frustration. “I am more confused than ever.”

Moira laughed. “I feel the same myself at times.”

“Even with all the knowledge you have gained?”

“Knowledge does not guarantee clarity of life.”

“Then I am doomed,” Brianna said on a laugh. “I thought that once I gained your knowledge, my life would be easy.”

Moira spoke as a teacher to a student. “The key to understand; it opens many doors. You have time before his return. Use it wisely.”

“I do not know where to begin, confusion clutters my mind. I think one way and then I think another way. I ask endless questions of which I can find no answers.”

“Then do not look at the answers, study the questions.”

Duncan stirred and began to fuss.

Brianna was about to hurry over to him when she looked to Moira.

“Go take care of him; he has missed you.”

Brianna hurried to the baby’s side. She scooped him up and cuddled him to her, kissing his soft cheek. “I have missed you.”

Duncan gave her a huge smile, and then rested his cheek to hers. She wanted to cry; she felt the tears well in her eyes and silently scolded herself for crying so much. Where was her strength and courage? Where was her determination?

“The questions,” Moira advised, seeing her near to tears, “study the questions.”