Page 72 of Love Me Forever

She continued to struggle with the fact that he had not told her the truth. But if truth were told, he had simply avoided the truth. He had not lied to her. She had assumed him a simple warrior with no particular clan ties. She had been the foolish one, though he had not treated her like a fool. He had encouraged her and had given her choices.

“You are silent. What troubles you?” he asked, hugging her against him.

‘Too many things to speak of.”

“Too many things you are unwilling to speak of.”

“Can I not have a private thought from you?” she asked.

“There is no need for private thoughts between us. We are one, you and I, and can discuss whatever is on our minds.”

“Good,” she said with a challenge. ‘Tell me of the battle that left you scarred.”

Her question was one more of trust. Would he share with her his pain as she had done?

His hesitation was brief and he took a deep breath as though he needed confidence to relate the tale. “It was a battle that should not have been fought. The deaths were senseless, the suffering just as senseless, and all because of greed and power.”

He sounded tired to her, not physically but emotionally, and she listened, knowing he needed to heal within, as she had once needed to do.

“My father had given his word many years ago, and I was compelled to honor it. I had no choice, though I attempted to convince the laird of this clan otherwise. He was a man full of rage and would not listen to reason.”

He stroked her arm, needing to feel her soft flesh as he spoke. “I knew many would die, but I also knew that more would die if I did not fight alongside him. It was horrendous.”

He grew silent and she knew he was reliving the battle.

“Time stops on the battlefield. Pain is not felt and the smell of blood is a stimulant that keeps you going. With weapon in hand you fight until you die or remain standing until there is no more left to kill.”

Her heart grew heavy listening to him.

“In the thick of battle you fight without thought or reason.”

He turned silent and she could sense that his thoughts troubled him, that the pain of this battle went much deeper than he would admit to himself. She waited, knowing he would continue. He needed to continue.

“I fight alongside my men. I do not expect from them what I would not expect from myself. Too much was expected of my men and for what? I could no longer watch my men die senseless deaths. I challenged the laird of the opposing clan so that the bloody battle could end.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “You could have died.”

“Death waits for us all. It is life that matters. If we do not live it truthfully and with honor to ourselves and to others, then we never truly live. In truth I did not wish to see any more of my men die.”

“You would have given your life for them?” The thought of him dying rushed tears to her eyes.

“My life was not in question; my honor and actions were.” She did not know if she wished to hear more and yet part of her wished to hear it all. “And this challenge is what caused your scars?”

“Aye, every one of them.”

“This man you fought left you with these scars?”

He waited as if weighing his response. “Nay, he did not.”

She looked at him, confused. “Then who? Who did this to you?”

“His men attacked me before I was to meet with him.”

“You were alone? Was there no one to help you?” Her heart beat wildly at the thought that he was one against many.

“Not one. I stood alone.”

She understood now why he was a legend. He was fearless and relentless in battle, and he stood standing no matter how many fell around him. “You were victorious.”