Page 86 of Love Me
“Every day I ask myself,What if Mr. X finds me? The scenarios that play in my head are crippling. What I’ve learned is that I can’t watch life pass me by anymore because I’m too scared to live it. I cannot controlwhat if. All I can do is prepare the best I can for it, which I have done and will continue to do. But I am done being crippled bywhat if. I am done letting Mr. X rule my life.”
“When X kills them, you will not survive it and I will lose you,” he said as if he hadn’t listened to a single word that had come out of my mouth.
His fear broke my heart as much as it angered me. “So you would rather I was alone and miserable, because it would appease your fear.” A tear leaked from my eye, and I quickly wiped it away as it rolled down my cheek.
He didn’t deny it.
“You’re not saying anything because you know how wrong that is.”
He looked away from me.
“I think you should consider therapy,” I said. “Or sit in on a session with me with Dr. Bolton.”
He scoffed like that was the most absurd thing I had ever said to him. “Just because you go to therapy doesn’t mean everyone needs to.”
How do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?
I grabbed the chair I’d been sitting in and pushed it in. “I’m sorry, Logan, but I can’t give you what you want.”
Logan opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. “I’m not relocating. Not unless there is a legitimate risk of Mr. X finding me, and not what you think is a risk, either. I think it’s best to leave the risk assessment up to Ian from here on out.”
He began shaking his head, a snarl curling his lips.
“When do you leave?” I asked.
“What do you mean, when do I leave?” he snapped.
“I assume now that the sheriff has been handled, you want to get back to hunting down Mr. X.” It was the one thing he desired more than being here for me.
He stared at me with a scathing look. “That’s it, huh? You used me to battle the big bad sheriff, but now that’s dealt with, I get kicked to the curb?”
I squeezed the top of the chair. “If you feel that way, why don’t you stay, get a house of your own nearby, and let Ian and the thousands of police officers out there hunt down Mr. X? That way we can work this out. This pain between us.” I gestured from him to me.
The muscle in his jaw clenched.
He wouldn’t stay. I bet his flight out of Arizona was already booked. I couldn’t even feel smug because it hurt too much. “That’s what I thought.” My voice wobbled and I had to look away from him or I’d start crying again.
I hated grief. We were both fighting to survive in an ocean of it. Revenge was his lifeline, and my guys were mine. Neither of us would let go and risk drowning. I couldn’t risk it because I knew he’d drag me back to where I’d started, in the middle of that dark, depthless water, and leave me again. I held onto my lifeline tightly because I knew he wouldn’t let go of his, and he would look awayagainas grief pulled me beneath the surface. So, no, I wouldn’t drown for Logan, not when my lifeline was helping me get closer to shore.
* * *
“It’s Ethan’s birthday Saturday,” Colt announced.
It had been a few hours since Logan had stormed out of here, abruptly, pissed off and without saying goodbye. After that, we’d ordered food in. Now we were settling down watching a cooking competition show on the Food Network.
I jerked up. “It is?” I wished I’d known sooner. I had no idea what I was going to get him, and I only had three days to figure it out.
“Yeah. He’s throwing a party at his house that night,” Creed said and then looked at Knox and Keelan. “Anyway, we can go in late on Sunday, or do you need us to open?”
“Another party?” I said and regretted it the moment I did. It was Ethan’s day, and he could spend it however he wanted, and as his friend I’d support that. “Ignore me,” I told them.
“We don’t have to go if you’re not comfortable with it,” Colt said. “Ethan would understand given what’s just happened.”
“It’s my friend’s birthday and I want to be there for him,” I said, and that seemed to convince Colt.
“We all get to go in late on Sunday,” Knox said, responding to Creed’s earlier question. “The new assistant manager started yesterday and should be fully trained by then. I have her opening that day.”
“Her first day must have been a baptism by fire with me being detained yesterday,” I said.