Page 24 of Love Below Zero

24

RIKER MANOEUVRE

JAMES

I can’t remember the last time I cried. Perhaps it was after Sara left, but that whole episode feels like such a blur. My memories of the aftermath are hazy, and I honestly can’t tell if I cried or not. I’m sure I must have, at some point. Heartbreak equals tears, if all the shows I watched told me one thing.

I am crying now though, so I believe the previous instance doesn’t really matter.

Our excitement this week came in the form of a new test—a scratch and sniff. We’ve been in the dome long enough that our senses are dulled, and the researchers want to test how different food smells would affect us. I go through the motions in my quarters, scratching the card and smelling it before answering the short questionnaire. I felt neutral about everything up until I smelled the scent of mangoes.

I’m instantly transported back to my childhood. Hot and humid summers spent in the garden, my mother bringing me mango slices as I played in the sunlight. I hated the feel of grass on my feet, so I wore socks outside, and she would scold me for getting green marks on the pristine white fabric.

It reminds me of the fact that I haven’t felt direct sunlight on my skin in three months, and that I should probably email my mother.

We aren’t particularly close, and I can’t tell why this specific scratch and sniff got more of an emotional reaction out of me than the others. Not even the one that reminded me of Sara’s perfume triggered me, but this innocent-smelling fruit did.

I furiously wipe away a tear, noting down my reaction.

Perhaps it’s because Earth seems so far away. Maybe I’ll step on the grass without socks when we return home.

A knock on my door pulls me out of my mango-induced funk. Honestly, I don’t even really like mangoes that much.

“Come,” I say, and the door opens to reveal Rebecca.

“Were you trying to imitate Riker or is that just a British thing?” she asks as she steps into the room, leaving the door open.

We’ve toned down the flirting, but yesterday Frances had to ask me a question twice because I was too busy staring at Rebecca as she and Eli worked to revive the hydroponic garden. He was sitting too close to her, his hand occasionally brushing her leg. It could have been a casual touch. We’ve all gotten way too comfortable with each other in here. But I know Eli. It wasn’t casual.

At one point he leaned in to whisper something in her ear, and the blush that coloured her cheeks made me get up and leave the room.

It’s my fault, of course. I told her nothing could happen between us, so she’s free to flirt with Eli whenever she wants. I just don’t want to see it.

“What?” I ask, confused

“Commander Riker from The Next Generation . Whenever someone knocks on his door he just goes ‘come’ in this really deep and manly voice.”

She repeats the word several times in several different cadences, and while it is entertaining, hearing her say the word “come” over and over is doing something to my brain. I reach out, grabbing her hand.

“Love, are you here for a specific reason or just to torment me in general?” I don’t know when the endearments started rolling off my tongue so easily, but they just come so naturally with her.

Rebecca grins at me, her lopsided smile on full display even though the bags under her eyes scream she hasn’t been sleeping enough.

“While I would love to torment you some more, I’m here to ask you on a date. Well, no, it’s not a date date. It’s a friend date. Just two friends, going outside to look at the stars in an entirely non-romantic way. The friendliest of ways.”

She’s rambling, which is adorable, but I still have no idea what she’s saying. The word date sticks in my mind, and unrequited hope blooms in my chest. She’s asking me and not Eli?

“Simplify that for me, please?”

She takes a breath, squeezing my hand. “Would you like to go outside with me to stargaze? The aurora australis is supposed to be out tonight, and I thought it would be good for you to do something fun after the week you’ve had.”

“I would love to go stargazing with you, Rebecca,” I say, returning the squeeze. Her smile increases and my heart skips several beats. So many beats that I think for a split second I’m having a heart attack. But then she pulls me to my feet and drags me downstairs, and I realise I’m not dying. I am very much alive.