Page 146 of Love Arranged

“So…” I say, gaining everyone’s attention.

Lily looks about ready to stab me with her fork, so I pry the silverware away from her and link our hands together before saying, “I’m aware yesterday’s news came as a surprise…”

Dahlia interjects, “Seems to be a pattern for you two.”

I shoot her a sharp smile. “And for that, I want to apologize.”

Lily glances over at me and mouths,What are you doing?

I give her hand a squeeze, as if to sayTrust me, before facing the rest of the table. “To be honest, I didn’t grow up like you all.” I motion toward the gallery wall of photos behind Rosa’s seat. Photographs are only a snapshot of a moment in time, but given the decades’ worth of memories, one can assume most of them were good ones.

Dahlia’s head tilts, and Julian leans back in his chair, giving me the full weight of his attention. Rafa, who out of everyone here had a similar upbringing to mine, looks at me with compassion I wasn’t expecting.

“What do you mean?” Rosa asks, her voice soft and timid.

“My uncle who took me in after my parents died wasn’t exactly…loving, and he taught me not to trust anyone. So when you grow up in an environment like I did, you learn to keep your secrets or risk having them used against you.”

The room is so silent after my confession that the ice machine across the house can be heard.

Lily, whose hand is still clasped with mine, rubs her thumb softly over my skin, reminding me why I’m talking about any of this.

I don’t need to have a heart-to-heart about my upbringing. I’ve come to terms with my uncle being a piece of shit, and I’ve accepted that my cousins are too enmeshed in the family business to walk away from it now.

Josefina places a hand over her heart. “That sounds…”

“Like your family sucks,” Julian offers, surprising me.

My lips curl. “That’s putting it lightly.”

“Do you talk to them anymore?” Rosa asks.

There are times I wish I could because I miss my cousins, but I can’t reach out to them without getting pulled into Vittori Holdings drama. I’m building a life for myself that my uncle can’t influence, but with new beginnings means letting go.

“No.” I keep my answer short because I don’t want any more questions about them.

“Well, from what I’ve read online, your uncle seems like a real piece of work, so it looks like you dodged a bullet,” Rafa says.

“Literally or figuratively?” Julian asks with a smirk.

Rosa does a sign of the cross, and Dahlia jabs her boyfriend in the ribs while whispering something under her breath.

I lock eyes with Mrs. Muñoz. “While I’m clearing the record, I’m not in the mafia.”

“I didn’t—” she stammers nervously. “Lily said?—”

“It’s okay.” Josefina pats Rosa’s hand. “It’s not like we weren’t all thinking about it,” she replies with a grin, and I return it with one of my own.

The conversation moves on to lighter subjects, and the tension slowly bleeds from Lily’s body until she is laughing along with Rafael’s story about getting pickpocketed while in Europe.

I’m pretty quiet, choosing to sit back and take it all in instead of inserting myself into every conversation. I’ve heard a lot about the Muñoz-Lopez families from Lily and people around town, but I’ve never had a chance to witness it up close.

And dare I say, I might be a bit…jealous?

No, that’s not the right word for the emotions clawing through my chest. I’m happy for Lily and the life she grew up experiencing because it made her who she is, but at the same time, being surrounded by so much love reminds me of everything I lost.

I’ve missed my parents plenty of times, but right now, their absence feels unbearable. Like a hole in my chest that grows by the minute, threatening to consume me until there is nothing left.

I stand and excuse myself from the table. Everyone’s eyes follow me out of the room, making the back of my neck itch despite me no longer being in their direct line of sight.