Page 13 of Loud Hot Roomie (Taboo Streets #4)

Derek

I fucked up.

Bad.

And it kills me.

As much as I hated the words that came out of his mouth, they were absolute truth. He’s right. I’ve been hiding him. From Casey, from Reid, from everyone. In my head, we were a separate island together. It was exhilarating and beautiful and private.

Not realistic, though.

Completely unfair.

In a way, I’ve treated him worse by hiding him than those men who took actual advantage of him when he was younger. I’m a selfish prick.

I think I’m going to be sick.

After racing through cleaning the kitchen, I make my way back up the stairs, strip down to my boxers, and lie down in my bed. My heart aches and my brain hurts. I only thought I wanted to feel. This shit sucks.

I’m trying to give Riko the space he requested before he went to shower, but it’s difficult.

I want to beg for him to forgive me and for us to go back to how we were before I pulled out the rubber rings making promises that no doubt must’ve felt empty to him.

Something shifted after that and it’s been a shitshow ever since.

I wait for what feels like hours and then I hear his soft footsteps on the carpet in my room.

My heart hammers in my chest and a breath of relief rushes out of me when he climbs into bed.

When I grab him and pull him to me, he goes willingly.

We cling to each other. It’s quiet and tense.

But holding him is something and I’m grateful for it.

“I want to introduce you to my parents,” I say, voice soft and trembling. “Let’s go one day this week. And maybe after we can go to the bakery and get some cookies.”

“No fair,” he grumbles. “You’re trying to get me back in your good graces with snickerdoodle goodness.”

“I’m desperate,” I admit with a chuckle. “Anything to make things right with you.”

He sighs heavily. “I know you feel bad. It’s not fair for me to make you suffer any longer.”

“I deserve it.”

“No,” he whispers, “you don’t. This is new for the both of us. I feel like we’re going to fuck things up here and there. I’m really good at fucking shit up.”

“Apparently so am I. Guess we make a good couple.”

He pulls back slightly and studies me. I kiss the tip of his nose.

“We’re a couple now?” he says, smiling. “Not just fuckbuddies?”

I cup his cheek. “We were never just fuckbuddies.”

“You always say the right things to make me forgive you.”

“I’m learning.”

His teasing smile eases the ache in my soul. “There’s something you still owe me. It’s deserved after tonight.”

“Dessert?”

“Hell yeah. Get to eating, Dere-Dere.”

It only takes a few minutes with my tongue inside his ass for him to fully forgive me.

I peek out the front window to check on Riko and the kids.

They’re both standing close to him, heads tilted up, and listening intently to whatever he’s saying.

It’s adorable. Seeing him interact with them, doing something he loves, warms my heart.

Sensing my presence, Riko looks over his shoulder toward the window and blows me a kiss.

I grin and then head back inside to finish cooking one of the few things I’m good at.

Frozen chicken nuggets. The timer dings and I pull them out of the oven.

Movement through the window out back near the pond catches my attention and I notice Casey and Clara out with the baby. Casey is squatting while holding onto the stroller and Clara bends over to touch her head.

Something’s wrong.

I turn off the oven and then slip out the back door. It’s weird actually coming out here to see her after all this time. But, it’s long overdue. If we’re going to be neighbors, we need to at least be civil.

“Casey,” I say as I approach them. “Everything okay? Where’s Brayden?”

Her head snaps up and she gapes at me in shock. “Oh, hey. Uh, he’s at the rental property.”

“Are you sick?”

“That’s puke,” Clara snips, pointing a finger at the grass behind them. “But thank you, Captain Obvious.”

And to think I defended this girl a couple of weeks ago. She’s a good friend to Casey, but a total bitch to me now.

“It’s fine,” Casey mutters as she stands upright. “I’m fine. Nauseous all day every day. My mom thinks this one will be a girl.”

I drop my eyes to her stomach in shock. “You’re pregnant again?”

A flash of sadness flickers in her eyes. I know we’re both thinking about her first loss. Our loss. But she’s gone on to finally get the family she wants and deserves. I’m surprised, I guess, to learn of another pregnancy so soon after she had her son.

“Just found out a couple of weeks ago,” she says, nodding. “I can hardly work. My clients probably hate me.”

“Nah,” I say quickly. “You’re good at what you do.”

She gives me a warm smile. “You want to see him?”

The baby?

My gut churns. I bet the chicken nuggets are getting cold. “Uh, sure.”

Her face is still pale from being sick, but there’s a pep in her step as she pulls her baby from the stroller. I watch in awe as she hugs him to her chest, kissing the top of his fuzzy blond head.

“I’m happy for you,” I say softly. “He’s beautiful.”

She beams at me, pride making her more lovely than ever. “Thank you.”

Our words are cut short when a soccer ball sails over the top of Linda’s townhouse and bounces over to us. Clara stops it with her foot.

And then I see Riko trot between Linda’s unit and ours toward us. A flicker of apprehension dances down my spine. I wanted to make the introduction on my terms, not by surprise. But, I suppose this is happening.

“Sorry,” Riko calls out as he approaches. “I had to show Topher I can kick harder than him—Casey?”

She step closer and gasps. “Riko!”

I’m shocked as hell that the two of them know each other.

He ambles over to her and hugs her. “I didn’t know you lived here.”

“I do,” she says and pulls away to put the baby back in the stroller. “Why are you here, though?”

I start to speak, but he beats me to the punch.

“I live here, too.” He laughs. “With Derek.”

It’s then both their smiles fall.

“How do you two know each other?” I manage to grit out, anxiety clawing at me.

“She’s my sadistic physical therapist.” He frowns at me. “Is she your—”

“My ex-fiancé is the same guy you’ve been crushing over?” Casey asks Riko, pain making her voice crack. “What is happening right now?”

Everyone stares at me as if I’ve someone concocted this elaborate scheme to upset them all.

I can explain.

But what am I explaining? I didn’t do anything wrong.

“He’s my…” I start to say but my throat goes dry. “He’s my…”

Say it. Just fucking say it.

“Your roommate?” Casey supplies. “Yeah, he just said that.”

Riko’s eyebrows pinch when I don’t correct her right away. I feel like a total dick.

“Yes, I mean no.” I start nervously popping my knuckles. “Riko, the chicken nuggets are ready.”

Way to go, asshole. Good one.

It’s then I notice Riko twisting the rubber ring around his finger. His eyes are burning with hurt, gutting me. Do I fix it? Do I set the record straight? No, I stand here like a dumbass, unable to form words.

“You heard my boyfriend,” Riko says softly to Casey. “The chicken nuggets are ready. I’ll let you all catch up.”

Ah, fuck.

I was going to say it.

She whirls around to face me, betrayal shining in her eyes. “You’re gay?”

“What?” I grit out, grimacing at how loud she says it. “I’m not, no.”

Riko is within earshot, on his way back to our unit, and mutters, “Bisexual and clearly in denial.”

I start to go after him, but Casey blocks me, arms crossing over her chest. “How could you keep this from me? We were together for years, Derek. Not once you thought to mention it? Is this why you were always so cold to me? Because you were living a lie?”

Riko disappears through the back door of our place, but I continue to stare at where I last saw him.

“I just found out, okay?” I say curtly, turning my head to look at her again. Clara has started walking off with the stroller to give us our privacy. “I’m sorry.”

That’s all I am. Fucking sorry. To Riko, to Casey, to everyone.

“He’s my patient,” she hisses as if I somehow did this to piss in her Cheerios. “And he’s so young!”

This boils my blood. “Says the woman fucking our landlord’s son. Don’t be a hypocrite, Casey. It’s beneath you.”

She scowls but I know I hit her where it hurts. It has nothing to do with Riko’s age. “You’re not good for him. You’ll hurt him. He’s too fragile. You don’t understand.”

I shake my head in vehemence. “That’s where you’re wrong. I know him a helluva lot better than you do. He’s my boyfriend. I fucking love him!”

This has her widening her eyes and retreating back a step. I feel like a dick for yelling at her. Can the baby in her womb hear? Is it scared?

“You do love him,” she says, tears forming in her eyes. “I’ve never seen such emotion from you, not even after we lost our baby.”

“I’m sorry,” I mutter, voice thick with the pain of the loss.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention.

” I jab a finger toward my house. “And I keep accidentally hurting him too. I need to go to him and let him know I fucked up. Again. All I want to do is make him happy and I keep ruining it.”

She swipes at a tear and sniffles. “Boyfriend. I’m just…wow. This is a shock.”

“For the record, it’s a shock to me, too.

” I cast a look toward the townhouse, regret filling my soul.

“He didn’t deserve what just happened. I have to fix this.

Maybe you can one day forgive me for how I dragged out a loveless relationship so long and I’d like that for us.

But right now, my priority is him and his emotional state.

Excuse me. I need to check on my boyfriend. ”

I stalk away from her, hating that I’ve been doing everything wrong.

That ends now. No more hiding. I’ll have a fucking parade where I eat Riko’s ass for all to see if that makes him happy. I just want him to understand how much I care about him, even when I fuck up.

The urge to go to him is overwhelming and I break into a run. I slip inside, then head up the stairs.

“Riko!” I call out. “Where are you, baby? Can we talk?”

He gives me the silent treatment. I storm past his room and the bathroom, expecting to see him lying in my bed. Nothing. Confused, I backtrack to his room. All his dresser drawers have been left ajar. I walk over to them and when I notice they’re empty, my stomach bottoms out.

This isn’t right.

Where are his clothes? Where’s his backpack?

I race out of his room and bound down the stairs. When I reach the living room, I rush over to the door and fling it open. His Audi that’s usually parked beside my truck is gone.

No.

He wouldn’t leave.

He can’t leave.

“Riko!” I cry out, pain cracking my chest wide open. “Riko!”

I stride back into the house to snatch my phone up off the table. His phone sends me straight to voicemail when I attempt to call. This frustrates me, so I call back over and over and over again. He never answers.

Fuck.

I shoot him text after text, but he doesn’t respond.

Did my boyfriend just move out?

This can’t be happening.