Page 12

QETESH

I pulled my suitcase out of my room and wrestled it into the lift. There was still a slight lingering smell that made my stomach churn, but it was only a short trip down and I didn't want to have to navigate the stairs with my suitcase.

The doors opened quickly enough, and I hurried out, going to put my suitcase in my car before I returned for the last breakfast of the weekend.

Everyone was milling around, chatting and eating some delicious-looking pastries.

Without even fully meaning to, I searched the room until I spotted Jacob, and drifted over to him.

His welcoming smile was enough to let me know that I'd made the right decision.

Not that we hadn't spent a lot of time together this weekend already.

I didn't know most of Ella's friends, and the ones I did know, were more like passing acquaintances, while Nadia's were even more like strangers.

From what I'd gathered, Jacob was in the same position of not knowing very many of them, though he had done a good job of pointing out the exes I needed to know about, which had been helpful.

"Morning," he said.

"Morning," I responded. "What's good?" I looked over the buffet table, my stomach rumbling as I did.

"The almond croissants, I tried one yesterday. Not the best I've ever had, but they've got to be up there."

"Then I guess I'm having an almond croissant."

"Get me on too, and I'll grab the drinks?" he checked. "I'll meet you at that table?" he nodded to one at the back.

"Sure. Anything else?"

"Maybe a yoghurt? I can't just eat pastries for breakfast," he said.

"Sure you can, it's a holiday. But I'll get you one.

" I headed over to the buffet and grabbed two plates, adding a croissant to each of them, along with a pot of Greek yoghurt that looked like it had fruit at the bottom.

It wasn't normally something I ate for breakfast, but they looked good, and that was enough of a reason to have one.

Satisfied with my choices, I headed over to the table where Jacob was already sitting with two coffees.

It wasn't until I got there that I realised it was kind of impressive that he knew what I liked already, but I supposed we had been able to drink a couple of coffees at work, as well as those he'd seen me drink this weekend.

I set the plates down on the table and joined him.

Ella's laughter filled the room, and I looked over to where she was talking with a couple of people and not paying us any attention.

"I'm guessing Nadia didn't tell her that she caught me leaving your room," I said.

Jacob laughed. "Probably not, or she'd have demanded an explanation from one of us and definitely would have said something suggestive at least once."

"Even knowing you're ace?"

He shrugged. "She knows I have sex, we've talked about it."

"Isn't that weird?"

"We don't talk about the details," he assured me. "And never will. But it was something that bonded us when we were in our early twenties and working things out. She was figuring out that she didn't like men at all, while I figured out the ace thing."

"That's nice. That it gave you a connection."

"Yeah, it is." He tore the end off his croissant and popped it into his mouth.

"I wish I'd had someone to talk to when I was figuring it out," I said.

"It's not that I didn't have friends, it's just that I didn't feel like I could tell them.

Not feeling like I thought everyone else did made me feel broken, and even more so when they started referring to me as a sex and love goddess. "

"Love and sex aren't the same thing."

"I know that. Though I've said they're entwined for me more times than I can count."

"That's still kind of true," he pointed out. "If you just want to have sex because it's fun and intimate, then you're not going to be doing it with anyone you don't have feelings for. So love is kind of influencing it."

I frowned. "I suppose I've never thought about it like that. I was just saying it because it felt like what people expected me to say."

"I'm sorry you've had to live like that." He reached over the table and touched my hand.

I turned my own and laced our fingers together. It was a dangerous display of affection considering that Ella was in the room, but it felt right, and I cared more about that than I did about the potential of my best friend finding out.

"Maybe things will be different now. Is telling the first person the hardest?"

The contemplative expression on his face told me that he was considering the question, giving me a moment to eat some of my own breakfast, even if it meant letting go of his hand.

"I guess it is," he said after a minute or so. "Not because the first person is the hardest, but because that's the time that you actually admit it to yourself, and you commit to it."

I took a deep breath. "That makes sense."

"You also don't have to tell anyone else until you're ready. I'm not going to tell anyone, and even if we do decide that we're a thing and we want to tell people, no one who knows about me is going to assume that you're ace."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I smiled at him. "I'll probably tell people eventually. Though maybe as a quiet thing."

"You can tell as many people as you want to," he assured me. "Even if that is only the people you want to start a relationship with."

"That is reassuring." And it was. It was amazing how much a little change like this could make a difference. I'd always felt a disconnect between what I wanted to do as a love goddess, and someone who wanted to help others with finding a connection, and the feelings I had when it came to sex.

Being able to talk to someone else about it had changed things, even if it hadn't been for very long, or even very much. I was different, not difficult. There was nothing wrong with the way I viewed things, I was just wired this way.

I picked up my coffee and took a sip, noticing my watch flashing as I did. I checked it and sighed. "I hate to leave, but I need to get going."

He nodded. "I can walk you out."

"I'd like that." I smiled at him and let him gesture to the door that led out of the dining room. "It's been a good weekend."

"It has."

"Ella seems happy."

"She is," Jacob agreed. "Though there's one thing I'm almost disappointed about."

"Oh?"

"You didn't lose your key last night."

I laughed. "I think once in a weekend is often enough. I'm really grateful that you let me stay with you on Friday night."

"You're welcome. I had a nice time."

"No need to sound so surprised, I'm good company," I joked.

"You are. And it was nice waking up next to someone."

"It was," I said quietly. In all honesty, it had felt better than I expected it to, even if it was still so early in the two of us getting to know one another.

"You know, there was one question I forgot to ask you," Jacob said, bringing us to a stop.

"Oh?" The hotel entrance was completely empty, giving us the perfect amount of privacy for the conversation.

"How do you feel about kisses?"

"I like kisses," I responded.

"Do they need to be planned?"

"No. I mean, I guess it depends. Are we talking about a sweet kiss, or a sexy kiss?" My heart fluttered at the thought, mostly because there was no mistaking why he was asking.

"A sweet kiss. I assumed that sexy kisses would fall under the sex rules."

"They do," I said softly. "Sweet kisses are okay without planning."

"Good." He stepped closer and reached out to brush my hair out of my face.

I looked up at him, a little nervous, but not as much as I expected to be. Maybe it was because I knew that a kiss was just that. A kiss. It didn't mean that he wanted to take me upstairs and roll around with me, it was just a form of affection.

My eyes closed as his lips brushed against mine, soft and gentle, full of emotion. It wasn't like the majority of first kisses I'd shared, mostly because I'd been too aware of what the other person expected from me when we'd shared them. This was better.

We broke apart, and I found myself smiling. "You can surprise me with kisses like that," I promised.

"Good." The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled back at me.

"I..."

"I knew it!"

I grimaced and let out a groan at the sound of Ella's voice.

Jacob sighed and turned to his sister. "You didn't know anything."

"I knew the two of you would like each other," she said brightly. "And I was right! Nadia thought I was wrong." She clapped her hands together.

I exchanged a look with Jacob, not really knowing what to do. Ella was my best friend, and I'd normally talk to her about this stuff, but it was a little bit different when she was also his sister.

"This is new," I said. "We haven't been on a date yet."

"I know, I know. But you're a love goddess, you wouldn't even be considering a date if you thought it couldn't be something."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she'd already disappeared before I could get any words out.

"Well, I suppose that didn't quite go to plan," Jacob said.

"No," I said. "It was good before Ella interrupted."

"It was," he agreed.

"Unfortunately, I do need to get going, I have to get back for a meeting."

"On a Sunday?"

"What do the days of the week mean to gods?" I responded.

He chuckled. "Ah, I hadn't thought about that."

I shrugged. "It's something you might have to get used to."

"I hope so."

I went up on my toes and pressed my lips against his. It was only a fleeting kiss, but I hoped it would reassure him that I really did have to go, and I wasn't just trying to avoid him. "I'll see you at work?"

"That depends," he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "On?"

"Whether you want to go on a date before then or not."

"I'm free tomorrow night," I said. "Message me?"

"I will."

I waved and walked away, feeling like something major had changed for me.

And I supposed it had. I'd been on plenty of dates before, but it was different this time.

I was going to go on one with someone who understood a part of me I'd never shared with anyone before.

And maybe if I had done, I would have been in this position sooner, but that wasn't how my life had turned out.

Ultimately, the past didn't matter. I couldn't change it.

The only thing I could do was enjoy the moment I'd found myself in.

And I had every intention of doing that.