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SASHA

T oday is Kirill’s birthday.

I know because Karina has roped me into planning a surprise party of sorts. My role is to get him back to the house at a reasonable hour so he can at least eat a slice of the cake she ordered a month ago.

And while that sounds easy in theory, it’s harder in reality. Kirill usually spends most of the night at the club and only goes back during the ungodly hours of early morning.

The weirdest thing about his birthday is that it happens to be one day before mine. Just one . Well, separated by eight years, but anyway.

He doesn’t know that, though, because my birthday in the army files is fake. Last year, he asked me if I wanted a day off for my birthday, and I told him that one wasn’t real. He asked for my actual one, but I said that I don’t celebrate anyway, so there’s no need.

And I don’t. At least, not since my family passed away.

The thought of celebrating without a party, presents, dinner, and games with my cousins makes me sick to my stomach. It’s better to think that chapter of my life is long over.

The new me doesn’t have a birthday. Just duties.

However, like Karina, I want to make Kirill’s birthday special. He’s always plotting or executing a plan and barely has any time for himself or his family—not that he holds that in high regard. He only cares about Karina’s well-being.

The problem is getting him home. Viktor refuses to cooperate and has only been following whatever Kirill asks him to do. Yuri said he has no power to convince Kirill of anything, and Maksim was like, “He doesn’t like celebrating his birthday. Does he even know it exists?”

I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t, considering the strained relationship he shares with his mother. His sister said that she always wanted to offer him different memories about the day he was born but didn’t know how—which is where I come in.

Ever since the kidnapping episode by the Albanians two months ago, things have evolved between us.

Countless events have followed, mainly a war with the Irish and a lot of drama in Rai’s life, but eventually, the organization reached a careful downtime.

It can be seen on the men’s bored faces, and their restlessness can be felt in the air. And I don’t mean only our men, but every soldier in the brotherhood.

These men are so used to violence and war that peace makes them uncomfortable.

I’m somewhat the same, and the only reason I haven’t been getting antsy is because Kirill tires me every night.

He either ties me up, straps the leather around my throat, or bends me over the nearest surface so he can fuck me like an animal.

It's precisely that animal side of him that’s been giving me the stimulation I need.

And I think he needs it, too, because our nightly endeavors have become more intense with each passing day.

Sometimes, I think I’ll die in the throes of pleasure.

Other times, I keep up with him stroke for stroke until we’re both spent and satiated.

But most of the time, there’s this twisted need for more and more . I crave his savagery, how he dominates, bites, and bruises my skin. He doesn’t hold back or treat me like a delicate flower. Far from it.

Kirill gives me exactly what I need, and in return, he takes what he wants.

I’ve started to hate daytime because I can’t touch him. At least, not when everyone is around.

As much as I hate to admit it, Kirill has better control than I do. While I often catch myself staring at him and recalling whatever fuckery he did to my body the night before, he usually doesn’t pay me attention and acts professionally.

Which I’m thankful for because the last thing I need is for the men I’m supposed to be leading to think that I’m having sex with their boss.

Sometimes, however, he sends me these sexy texts out of nowhere that leave me hot and bothered. The worst part is that they usually happen when we’re surrounded by others.

It’s things like:

You look tense. Want me to loosen you up with my cock?

I can still taste your greedy little cunt on my tongue. I’m coming back for more tonight.

You better not be tired, because there’ll be no sleep until you’re all choked up with my cum.

Are you sore? You look uncomfortable. Should we ghost my cock and let my tongue take care of you?

Be in my room in ten. Naked. Lie on your back, legs apart. If I don’t have a clear view of my pussy when I walk in, you’ll be punished.

It’s hard to remain as unaffected as he is when I get those texts. And the asshole smirks at me as if he knows the exact effect he has on me.

I can’t help feeling a sense of relief at the routine Kirill and I have fallen into.

I don’t think he completely trusts me yet, but I never expected that anyway.

The most important part is that he looks at me as if he can’t get enough of me, like he can’t wait to kick everyone out just so he can have me wholly to himself.

He can be a bastard about it, too, not bothering to be amicable to the men who respect him a great deal.

But with this strange stability comes the fear that it’s only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan again. And I don’t mean about the Bratva wars or the rocky relationship with the cartels. I can handle shoot-outs and chaos.

What I can’t handle, however, is the possible implication of my family and having Kirill find out about everything I’ve been keeping neatly tucked behind my ribcage.

It’s been months since the Russia incident, and nothing else has happened since.

My uncle hasn’t gotten in touch, and there have been no clear attempts on Kirill’s life except during that drug shipment episode.

Or…the other month when some of the Irish soldiers specifically targeted him.

Or a few weeks ago, when someone attempted to assassinate him while we were getting out of the club.

But…those are normal, right? The first two were gang wars, and the third could be because he offended someone—which is more common than not.

At least, that’s what I choose to think of them. I don’t believe that Uncle Albert or Babushka sent men here for these particular missions. If they did, my uncle would’ve warned me to abandon Kirill’s ship.

Not that I would’ve listened.

I often wonder how they’re doing and how much Mike has grown since I last saw him.

Whenever I miss him, I call Uncle Albert, but it never goes through.

Sometimes, I think about visiting them, but the image of what happened to Kirill the last time I was there quickly erases that idea.

Besides, they disowned me. I don’t think they care about what happens to me.

It doesn’t help that I constantly have this doomsday feeling about the possibility of a disaster happening in the near future. I’ve been extra jerky and might have been too violent toward anyone who’s attempted to get close to Kirill, let alone touch him.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, or I’m being paranoid for no reason.

But that’s the thing, there is a reason. I know deep in my heart that it’s only a matter of time before something happens. And maybe that’s why I’ve been on edge.

“You need to relax,” a deep voice whispers in my ear.

That only manages to make me stiffen more. One, it came out of nowhere. Two, feeling Kirill’s hot breaths in my ear makes me shiver and brings back erotic images of flesh against my flesh and low words growled against my skin.

We’re leaving the Pakhan’s house after a long afternoon meeting. It’s already nighttime, so he’ll head to the club now, and I need to figure out a way to make him go home.

“I’m relaxed,” I murmur, watching our men head to the car.

Viktor offers me a knowing look, but he doesn’t insist on being by Kirill’s side all the time anymore.

I think, and I’m not sure, that he softened up a little after I was kidnapped.

He’s still a stubborn, unmovable mountain, but he doesn’t make it his job to be an asshole for shits and giggles anymore.

“Could’ve fooled me.” Kirill’s lips twitch in a smirk, and I swear my heart is about to burst from its confinement. How do I resist Kirill’s charm—as twisted as it is? The answer is I can’t, and it’s not for lack of trying.

It doesn’t help that he’s become more intimate in recent months. Unlike in the past when it was clear that we were strictly using each other, now, he lies beside me, and sometimes falls asleep. While holding me to him.

My favorite time of the day is sleeping in his arms, listening to his heartbeat, and being surrounded by his warmth. And maybe I’m thinking too much, but I want to believe that there’s more to us now.

He even made me give him a pet name that I rarely use, because it’s just too embarrassing.

So now, whenever he’s teasing or being casual, I find myself reacting sentimentally and out of character.

“I really am,” I say defensively.

“You couldn’t be relaxed to save your life.” He pats my shoulder, and although it’s a simple, innocent gesture that he’d do to anyone else, I can’t help the temperature that rises throughout my body.

“That’s not true.”

“You still act like a soldier outside the army, Sasha. Maybe we should get into the sauna later and relax those muscles .”

I don’t miss the way he stresses the word muscles, and I can’t help thinking about the first time he touched me in that sauna and how he devoured me alive until I fainted.

“Stop it,” I hiss under my breath.

“What? You do need some relaxation.”

“I’m afraid your methods only add tension.”

He steps closer to my side, and I inhale his cedar scent. When he speaks in low, dark words, my whole body trembles. “Is that why you were asking for more while you were bouncing on my cock last night?”

“Kirill!”

He pushes back, his expression entirely nonchalant, which can’t be said about my heated cheeks. “What?”

Rai comes out of the house, followed by her two guards, and physically barges between him and me, a hand to her hip. “You’re an asshole, that’s what. Leave Sasha alone.”