Page 14

SASHA

T here are times in life when everything is uncertain.

Your beliefs.

Your purpose.

Your whole being.

However, in the middle of the blurry ambiguity stands something real. And that’s the only thing I currently believe in.

The one person because of whom I found another goal. The one person who motivates me to get out of bed in the morning and work harder on myself.

Even if he ignores me most of the time and only pays me stilted attention.

So I’m glad I let my instincts guide me and followed him after he ordered me to stay put.

When I made this decision, it wasn’t only because I insisted on being by his side, or that I’m still desperately trying to prove my loyalty. I truly had a horrible feeling the moment his car left the premises.

Karina came out of her room and celebrated the prospect of the two of us spending time together, but that wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t bother with an excuse as I fetched my rifle, jumped into the car, and started driving.

I didn’t pay Maksim any attention when he banged on the window and told me to at least take him along. I had only one concern at the time—get to Kirill.

Turns out, it was a legitimate concern, because the moment I arrived at the site, it was a full-on war, and he was about to get killed.

It didn’t take us long to find Yuri since he was already following the GPS to locate Kirill. The car was shot a few times, but it remained functional.

Instead of leaving immediately, Kirill stayed put until he ensured the rest of the men were also retreating. Then we heard from Viktor that he’d sent the Mexicans back and told their leader, Juan’s right-hand man, that Kirill would get in touch about what to do next.

The weirdest thing about the hit is that after Kirill was cornered and I got there in time, it was like the attackers got an order to retreat. They completely disappeared, taking their dead and injured along.

One of our men died, and a few were wounded, but none of them are in a critical condition.

Despite my attempts, Kirill refused to get his head wound looked at because the other men were his priority.

He only complied after both Anna and Karina got involved and basically forced the doctor to treat him.

After he’s gotten everyone settled in the clinic and has given instructions to Viktor about the site’s cleanup, he starts to leave the annex, then stops.

“You’re coming with me, Aleksander.”

My spine jerks, but it’s not accompanied with the pain I felt whenever he called me by my fake last name. Aleksander is better.

Besides, he did call me Sasha earlier. He touched me, wiped my tears, and brought me down from the overwhelming fear I had when I saw a gun being pointed at his head.

I had gruesome flashbacks from when he was on the verge of death while surrounded by blood and snow in Russia. For a second, I thought I’d lost him for good this time.

All my fears and nightmares played in front of my eyes, and all I could think about was saving him.

Even after the assailant was out of the picture, all I could see was the blood trailing down his temples and cheeks, and I nearly lost it. That high of emotions would’ve swept me over if he hadn’t been there to keep me upright.

Maksim winces as Kirill turns and leaves. I mouth, “What?”

“You disobeyed his order, idiot,” he hisses. “RIP.”

Yuri looks at me in a weird blank way before he offers a sympathizing tap on the shoulder.

Oh, shit. I completely forgot about that.

My steps are heavy as I follow Kirill out of the annex and try to keep up as he strides in the direction of the main house.

I jog to his side and clear my throat. “About earlier, I—”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“But—”

“Not another word.” He throws me a chilling side-eye. “I mean it.”

My lips clamp shut, but I walk the rest of the way in complete silence. My mind, however, is in overdrive.

How can I convince him to completely forget about what happened without endangering the fragile peace we re-found?

Or, at least, I did. I don’t know how he feels about the recent events or if he feels anything at all.

If it’s the latter, I would seriously be heartbroken—more than I already am.

Once he walks inside his room, I follow and I try again, “Look at it this way, if I hadn’t come, you’d probably be dead—”

One moment I’m standing there speaking, and the next, the breath is knocked out of my lungs when strong fingers wrap around my throat and slam me against the nearest wall.

Kirill’s face is inches from mine. The bandage wrapped around his head takes nothing away from the pure fire that devours me in seconds.

It’s been a long time since he’s been this close, and I find it hard to breathe. That has less to do with his grip on my neck and more to do with the fact that I’m inhaling him and his addictive scent with each intake of air.

“I told you to shut the fuck up, Sasha.” His nostrils flare as tension rises from his shoulders to the tendons of his neck, and he clenches his jaw.

I swallow, and he must feel it against his fingers that are holding me in place.

“Did I or did I not ask you to stay put?”

“You did, but—”

“It’s a yes or no question. Did I or did I not tell you to stay fucking put ?”

“You did, but I had a bad feeling and had to follow. Besides, I saved you, okay? If I hadn’t been there, you would’ve died!”

He doesn’t like that. Not one bit. His hand tightens around my throat further. “And if there had been anyone else there, they would’ve easily shot you.”

“But there wasn’t. It ended well.”

“After you disobeyed a direct order.”

“I still saved your life. Seriously, you should be rewarding me instead of whatever this is.”

“Reward you?”

“Yeah. That’s common sense.”

“Here’s another piece of common sense for you. In cases of disobeying a direct order, you’re to be punished .”

A war of shivers break out over my skin at the way his voice drops when he says that word.

“I…can accept punishment for disobeying orders, but on one condition.”

“What makes you think you have the right to make any conditions?”

I lift my chin. “The fact that I saved your life and proved my loyalty to you.”

“Debatable. But let’s hear it.”

“I want to choose my reward.”

“I never said I was granting you one.”

“Well, you have to. Otherwise, I’ll be punished for nothing, and I’m not game for that.”

I can almost swear that his lips twitch in what seems to be a smile, but it soon disappears. “It’s for disobeying an order, not for nothing.”

“I’m afraid that’s a dealbreaker for me.”

“You…” he trails off, closing his eyes for a brief second, and I wish I could touch his face.

I don’t dare to, though. Obviously, I don’t have the same confidence I did when I shamelessly kissed his cheek earlier.

Since I was overwhelmed by emotions, I didn’t quite think about the consequences of my actions. My only concern was having him there safe and sound.

When his eyes open again, I’m dragged into their world against my will.

“You get your reward,” he lets out begrudgingly and then adds, “but only within reason.”

I can work with that.

“Right now, however, is the time for your punishment.”

My yelp echoes in the air when he uses his hold on my throat to drag me to the bed and then unapologetically throws me on top of the mattress.

I prop myself up on my elbows and try, then fail, to control the chaos that’s whirling inside me. It doesn’t help that I’m on this bed that I haven’t been on in ages. The last time was when I fainted outside and he carried me here.

It used to smell like me a few months ago, but now, it’s only him, which is weird since I know for a fact that he barely sleeps.

Kirill stands opposite me and unhurriedly removes his jacket, revealing his white shirt that’s molded against his muscles. Red soaks the collar due to his injury earlier, but that’s the least of my worries when he unbuttons his cuffs and rolls the sleeves to his elbows.

“What’s going on?” My voice comes out shaky despite myself, and I have to clear my throat in order to speak again. “I thought my punishment would be push-ups or physical labor.”

“You thought wrong.” The whip of his words hits me across the skin, and I suppress a gasp.

“But that’s how the others are punished.”

“This isn’t about the others; this is about you .” He unbuckles his belt, and my eyes fly to his large veiny hands as he methodically removes it.

Without realizing it, I’m pushing back on my hands toward the headboard. “What type of punishment is this?”

“I think you know exactly what it is.”

I shake my head even as a frisson travels the length of my body and pools between my legs.

Holy hell.

Am I wet at the prospect of being punished?

No. It’s not about the punishment itself. It’s about the fact that Kirill will be the one conducting it.

He wraps the end of the belt around his strong hand, and I feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating. Gone are my attempts to act or remain strong. Isn’t it unfair that Kirill is the only one who has this inexplicable effect on me?

He's about to punish me, and my body chooses this exact moment to become sexually frustrated.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve told you not to challenge my orders, but you’ve done exactly that again.” He slowly rounds the bed like a predator who’s circling their prey. “And again .”

He reaches over, and I flinch, hitting my back against the headboard.

Shit.

Why am I so jumpy? This isn’t me.

Kirill effortlessly seizes both my hands, and a shock of electricity rolls through me at the contact. It’s been a long time since he touched me this deliberately and this…intimately.

I should probably fight or resist this, but I can’t.

In fact, I don’t want to.

So I remain still as he pulls my hands above my head and expertly ties my wrists to the headboard using his belt. The leather snaps securely, stretching my arms and forbidding me from moving.

“You think it’s fun to challenge my authority, Sasha?” His forefinger slides from my wrist to my arm and then to my cheek.

My lips part, and fire erupts everywhere his skin touches mine.