Page 30 of Last Chance Seduction (Montgomery Ink Legacy #9)

Chapter Fourteen

Mercy

I wasn’t technically a workaholic for getting some work done on New Year’s Eve, but it couldn’t be helped.

I needed to get a few chapters in and answer the dreaded email.

My producer was thankfully off for the week because they were smarter than me, so when they got back they would have things to work on and not feel rushed.

Because if I did my part, everybody else wouldn’t be behind with their part. It was just common sense.

And focusing on work would help me clear my thoughts of exactly what had happened this past week.

Because I had fallen for Lexington Wilder Montgomery.

I wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened. But here I was, head over heels in love with a man when I wasn’t sure what he felt for me.

Yes, the sex was great, but it had been a whirlwind to say the least.

It hadn’t even been a month, or really, now that I thought about it, it had been a month to the day since I had been out in the partial winter weather and a snake had decided to ruin my day.

And now Lex wasn’t just my neighbor. Wasn’t merely the man who had been standing near me on one of the worst days of my life.

Wasn’t the man who had held Emily as she had coughed up blood, the first indication that we were going to lose her.

I let out a breath, knowing I wasn’t going to be able to work anymore for the day. I put everything away, trying to focus on anything but Lex, but that wasn’t going to happen.

“How the hell did this happen, Emily?”

She didn’t answer back. She never did. Sometimes I would have those dreams where she would be sitting next to me and everybody would be talking to her, as if nothing had happened.

As if she had always been here. And she wouldn’t judge me for being with Lex.

For wanting to be part of the Montgomery family once again. She would just be part of it with me.

And yet I would look at her and I would know she shouldn’t be there. I would know she would leave at any moment, and if I truly believed that she was by my side, that my best friend, twin, other half was alive, then I would break once she left again.

Because if she was alive in my dreams and I had given up far too early, then I had moved on and left her behind.

The guilt that crept through my system every time I woke up from one of those dreams still made my chest ache.

Because Emily was gone. And I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. I had friends, at least I was learning to allow myself to have friends. I had a job I loved. A house I was slowly making mine.

And I hadn’t expected Lex.

Maybe I should have. After all, he had been such a key part of my middle school years and beyond. But once I met Justin, things had changed.

I had thought I loved that man with every ounce of my soul. But it turned out, I had loved the man I thought he was. The man that Lex seemed far closer to being. And how odd was that?

I set the kettle on for tea, as it was oddly warm outside for New Year’s Eve, but it still wasn’t summer.

The fact that Lex and the guys were out golfing confused me.

But if that’s what they wanted to do for their man time, I would let them.

I knew that Brooklyn and the others had said I could hang out with them for the day, or they would come over to me, but I had wanted some time alone to think.

And once again, maybe I was thinking a little too much. But that’s what I did best.

My phone buzzed, and I answered it, the unknown number making me frown. But these days, with so many clients and industry people that I worked with, I wasn’t going to always know their number.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Mercy Caddel?” a deep, crackling voice asked.

I blinked, not recognizing the voice.

“Yes, and who’s this?”

“It doesn’t concern you. All you need to know is that we’re looking for our money. And if you don’t have it by tomorrow, we’ll make sure you regret it.”

Ice slid up my spine, and my palms went damp.

“I don’t have your money. I’m not with Justin.”

“That’s not what he says. And well, we’ll just see about that.” The click at the other end of the line, followed by silence, echoed through my head as I ended the call and tried not to drop the phone with my shaking hands.

I immediately texted Daisy what had happened, before I pulled out my notes app and looked up the number for the detective I had spoken with.

This wasn’t my life. Organized crime and bookies? Threatening calls? No, this wasn’t me. How could I have been so wrong about Justin?

Well, maybe my judgment wasn’t as great as I thought. After all, I had chosen wrong once before. And I knew Lex wasn’t Justin, but for some reason, everything felt a little off.

I told the detective what had happened, and though he was off duty, he said he would look into it.

I had given him the number, but I wasn’t sure it was going to lead anywhere.

And when I assured him that my security was all in place and I was locked up tight within my home, with only my cat for company, he had offered to send by a cruiser, but I had declined.

It was New Year’s Eve, and there was enough to deal with out on the roads. I was fine, I lied to myself.

And Lex would be here soon, and then I wouldn’t be alone.

There. I was going to rely on someone. Trust someone. And that was good for me.

An hour passed, my tea long cold, when Lex knocked on the door.

I let him in, quickly doing the security up again, my hands chilled.

I turned to say something to him, to tell him what had happened, but then I realized that Lex hadn’t said a word to me.

He had just walked inside, hands in his pockets, and didn’t even bother to kiss me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling oddly out of my depth.

He met my gaze then, and the bleakness there hit me like a two-ton truck.

“Is it your family? What happened?” I asked as I moved forward. He took a step back, and a single crack reverberated through my chest. Just a slight one, not a full break, just a tiny sliver that could be mended with a kind word or a touch.

Only I didn’t think I knew how to do that.

“Lex?”

“We fucked up. We fucked up so bad.” He slid his hands out of his pockets and put his palms to his eyes.

Alarm shot through me and I moved forward. “What are you talking about? Talk to me.”

“We were golfing, and we were just bullshitting around, and next thing I know, Gia and her entire family are next to us, and they overheard us talking about us being in a fake relationship.”

I stood there, the distance a deep cavern that I knew I couldn’t cross without taking a deep breath and possibly breaking.

Because he said in a fake relationship. Not had started or had begun . But currently in a fake relationship. And perhaps that was just a slip of the tongue, but perhaps it was the forefront of his mind. And yet I didn’t think that was the important part to him in this moment.

“What happened?” I asked, and I surprised myself with how steady my voice was.

“It all blew up in our faces. Gia’s dad was so fucking mad. We’re not getting the contract, and well, it doesn’t matter. Everything’s just fucked up.”

I held out a hand without thinking, but he didn’t reach for me, didn’t touch me.

“Okay. I’m so sorry. Lex, I don’t know what to say. It’s disappointing, but there are other jobs, right?”

“This was the job. This was the job that mattered,” he said, his voice rising.

I took a step back, his voice angrier than I had ever heard. “And there’s no way you can fix it?”

“No. Because I lied. I should have just gone to that stupid event alone and used my merit and not a lie.”

“I’m sorry.” Guilt ate at me, because it was partly my fault. I was the one who lied, because I hadn’t wanted to let Gia have the last word, as she was hurting Lex, but instead it looks like I had done it anyway.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Fuck. This whole fake thing. It was a mistake.”

Another jagged shard. This one larger. Emptier.

“What was a mistake? The fake girlfriend thing? Or everything?”

“What, no. I mean, it’s not that. I just, I’m so off and I shouldn’t have let you do this to me. I shouldn’t have let this happen.”

My eyes widened and I took a step back. “ Me . Just me.”

“I should have just ignored,” he began as he paced, not listening to me. “I should have just joked with you and then gone to the event alone. Gia would’ve forgotten about it, and none of this would’ve happened.”

“I’m sorry. I thought I was helping.”

“Well you weren’t,” he snapped, and I blinked at him, wondering what the hell was happening. Because that wasn’t anger in his voice, no, it was hurt.

“I made a mistake,” I said. “But you went along with it.”

“Damn it, Mercy. I’m sorry. For all of this. But damn it. I shouldn’t have gone through with the whole thing.” He shook his head. “I need to fix this. Somehow.”

“Because it was all fake,” I said, hoping he would correct me.

Instead he just stood there, staring through me. Maybe he was thinking too hard, trying to come up with a plan, but he didn’t tell me that it was real. Didn’t say a single thing. And this time another piece of me shattered.

“You need to leave,” I whispered. “Just get out.”

He blinked as if coming out of a trance, confusion etched on his face. “What? Mercy. What? What did you say?”

“I need you to leave.” I would not cry. I would not break down. Maybe he was stressed out about more than one thing, and yes, I had been the one to blurt something stupid, but he wasn’t denying anything. “You said I did this. That it was my fault. That it was a lie.”

Something seemed to shift in him, and his eyes widened. “That’s not what I meant.”

“But that’s what you said.”

“Mercy—”

“No. This job was important to you, I understand that.” More important than me. “You should go. Fix that. What I fucked up.”

“Mercy. Please. I promise that’s not what I meant.”

“Just go. You clearly have a lot to think about, and I am to blame. So leave. And I’ll stay here. Because you need to deal with this.” I shook my head. “Alone.”

His face fell and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to feel. But with just a few words he’d already hurt me. I didn’t want to chance that again. Not when this already hurt so much.

“I’m just…I just need to think.”

He reached out for me then, but didn’t move forward. Instead, I turned, opened the door, and stood there, not looking at him.

Because I had been wrong. So wrong.

And when he walked past me, his hands once again in his pockets, he didn’t say a damn word. So I locked the door behind him, turned on my alarm, and realized I hadn’t even told him that I had been threatened once again.

I guess it didn’t matter. He had already broken me. And I had let him.

I stood there for far too long, Mr. Darcy weaving through my legs, when my doorbell rang. Part of me hoped it was him. For him to apologize, for me to do the same, and yet, when I looked through the peephole and saw Brooklyn there, part of me shattered.

I opened the door and shook my head. “I don’t think I can be with a Montgomery right now,” I said, my voice shaky.

“Fine. I’m not a Montgomery right now. I’m your friend. And I have ice cream.”

“Brooklyn,” I whispered, but I couldn’t say another word. Instead I burst into tears, and my friend, one of the few friends I had let myself have in this new life of mine, closed the door behind her, and held me in her arms.

I hadn’t truly cried in far too long. I hadn’t cried at the saying goodbye to Emily until later. I hadn’t cried at the wedding. Because I had been so busy trying to make sure everyone was okay, that I hadn’t broken into tiny pieces. I hadn’t let the tears come. But I couldn’t stop them now.

So I let Brooklyn hold me, and then as the tears wracked my body, not just for what I had nearly lost a few moments ago, but for everything in the past few years, I let my friend hold me.

Later, Brooklyn drew me a bath, gave me a pint of ice cream and a spoon, and kissed my cheeks. She didn’t say a word, and I knew that was probably for the best.

Brooklyn should be with her boyfriend right then. With her family. With her friends. But instead she was helping sad little Mercy who had probably overreacted and broken everything, and yet, he had just left. Walked away without a fight.

Maybe I wasn’t worth fighting for.

Self-pity was new for me, and I didn’t like it, but the tears I had been holding back since Emily had first coughed up blood, broke through.

And I laid there in the tub, scraping at my cookies and cream ice cream, and knew I had broken a promise to myself.

I had lost the second family I had ever had. But it wasn’t just because of a single lie.

No, because we could have come clean or changed everything in a heartbeat.

I had broken everything because I was scared. And if I had just let myself tell him that I was falling for him, maybe he would’ve fought.

Or maybe it would’ve hurt more in the end. Only with the way that my chest ached right now, I didn’t know if it was possible.

The thing was, he had left. He didn’t fight. So maybe, maybe it was all for nothing.

And maybe I had lost them all and had broken myself anyway.

Brooklyn came into the bathroom later and sat by the tub. She held up her phone, and showed me the countdown to midnight. I just stared at her, wondering what right I had for this woman to be so kind even though I didn’t know if I was worth this type of friendship, this type of caring.

The clock struck midnight, and I might not be alone in this room, but yet, I had never felt more lonely in my life.

And it was all my fault.