Page 4 of Lane (East Dremest Mafia #5)

RAIDEN

Even as I rode the elevator down to Lane’s floor, I kept thinking how I shouldn’t. Nothing good would come from it. Damned if I could stop myself though.

I was so fucking tired of hearing about his dates.

He wasn’t running his mouth about them, but people knew, and they felt the need to relay the information to me, especially my brother.

Reghan was happy and in love with Barrett, so he thought I should be too.

It was fair of him. Had it been the other way around, I’d want the same for him.

But it was me on the non-love end, and I was so sick of Lane going out.

This led me to where I currently stood, unable to say what I should. Instead, I had nonsense falling from my mouth like I couldn’t form a cohesive thought.

Lane watched me, waiting for me to answer.

“Because I can’t handle you dating other men,” I blurted.

His deep-brown eyes widened. Lane didn’t expect me to say that.

Hell, I didn’t either. His eyes narrowed as he became so laser-focused that I could tell how he fit into the Everhart family.

He wasn’t Edison’s son. That didn’t mean he hadn’t picked up knowledge along the way.

Lane wasn’t to be underestimated. “Is that so?”

I nodded, unsure of what else to do.

“Why is my dating bothering you? As I see it, you haven’t said shit to me about my personal life.

You guarded me when I was trapped in that room before my asshole pretend father was killed.

You’ve seen me around the building more times than I can count.

You’ve even left here with me because Jordan thought I needed a guard.

Thank god he’s off that kick, by the way.

There was only so much of having someone up my ass, who isn’t fucking me, that I can take.

So, tell me why my personal life bothers you.

” I didn’t expect him to say all of that.

I should have. Lane was pissed, and rightfully so.

I had no right to question him. I also couldn’t stop myself from asking more.

“Is it fun for you?”

“Okay, so we’re playing a question for a question. You answer mine, and I’ll answer yours. Let’s see how long you last.” He was challenging me. I didn’t stand a chance. I’d cave long before he would.

I wasn’t a weak man. I guarded Jordan Altair Sr., the mafia boss of East Dremest, for fuck’s sake.

I didn’t get to where I was by letting people walk over me.

Standing before Lane was like looking down the barrel of a gun with no chance of disarming him.

I wanted to shake out my arms and get this feeling to go away, but I didn’t dare squirm under his watchful gaze.

“Why?” he repeated.

“Because I don’t like the idea of you fucking different men every night. I don’t want to think about you on dates with people you shouldn’t be.” Before he could reply, I asked again, “Is it fun for you?”

“Tonight? Absolutely. The others?” He lifted his hand and tilted it from side to side. He didn’t wait to lob another question my way. “What’s the deal with you and Alton?”

My mouth dropped open. I thought we were talking about him and my jealousy. Suddenly, Alton entered the equation. “Truth?”

“We’re not doing this any other way.”

“I was shot a while back. A bullet tore through my side. Alton patched me up and stayed with me overnight. He didn’t like the way it looked and gave me antibiotics.

I developed a fever late in the evening that worried him.

Reghan later told me Alton fussed over me, paced, and was tempted to haul me to the ER, but Reghan talked him down.

My brother knows me well. Unless I’m near death, I don’t want to be in a hospital.

” My mom was a nurse. I would have thought I’d handle medical shit better.

“Anyway,” I continued. “The fever finally broke and when I woke up, there was Alton with a tear running down his cheek.” The memory of it sent a chill through me. Alton was so worried; it shocked me to my core. It was only a fever, but Reghan said it had more to do with me being the one who had it.

“I tried to sit up when I saw Alton. Him being upset was a knife to my chest. We weren’t anything, but I still didn’t like seeing him cry.

He wouldn’t let me sit and eased me onto the pillows, coming close.

I took him gently by the back of the neck and tried to bring his lips to mine, but he hesitated and wouldn’t allow me to close the distance.

I couldn’t handle the rejection and released him.

He tried to play it off as me not being myself, not knowing what I was doing, but I was fully aware.

Alton doesn’t see me like I do him. He’s a prestigious doctor, and I’m just a bodyguard.

” Saying the words burned. I wasn’t of the same caliber as Alton, never would be.

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Lane said fiercely. “I’ve met him. He didn’t treat me any differently because of who I am. He was probably telling you the truth and didn’t want to take advantage when you weren’t feeling well.”

“It’s not taking advantage when it was something I’d wanted for a while. It doesn’t matter now. It was for the best. Alton doesn’t see me that way. He’s never made a move, instead choosing to do everything in his power to avoid me.”

“You’re about as open as a door with no handle.”

“What?”

“Never mind. My point is, there’s no reading you. I realize you feel something for me, yet you don’t act on it. You obviously want Alton, except you think he’s above you.”

“You’ve been through a lot.” I shouldn’t have thrown that out there. My filter was currently nonexistent.

His eyebrow lifted. “Oh, we’re going there now? So, tell me how I should act and feel.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Really? By saying I’ve been through a lot implies I’m still upset over it.

Am I still grieving the loss of my mom? Probably.

Everything else? Not in the least. I have zero regrets about the deaths of my pretend father or my brother.

A weight lifted off me when they were gone. I’m free of them and that shit life.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m going to need you to say more than that.”

“Why would you want to be with me back in the same life you’re finally out of?”

“Um, Ray… I hope you don’t mind I call you that. I hear others do it.”

“It’s fine.”

“How I live here, in this building, is nothing like what I grew up with and was shackled to for the majority of my life. You weren’t there, so you can’t see the differences, but this isn’t the same.

Edison despised me, called me names, and said my mom babied me.

I didn’t know how to be good enough for him.

Everything I did was wrong. Do you know what it’s like to have someone point out every one of your insecurities and shove them in your face? ”

God, I really had it good with my family.

Not that I thought I didn’t. They were there for Reghan and me every step of the way.

They encouraged us and told us how much we were loved.

We had an amazing support system. To think of my parents talking to me like Edison did to Lane… it made me want to punch the wall.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have, but I did.

The past is behind me. I’m trying to live each day for me.

Jordan and everyone here are nothing like what I dealt with.

This is the kind of life I’ve always wanted.

I’m free.” One where he could date and sleep with whoever he wanted.

I couldn’t fault him for that. I just hoped… It didn’t matter.

“You deserve to be happy.”

“So do you.”

“I have a great job, get to see my brother daily, and have a family I love.” And two men who were out of my reach.

A sound caught my attention a moment before Sheldon rounded the corner. “Oh, good. A two-for-one. Hey, do you think it would be weird to stay outside of Forest’s apartment and just stand there? I have this feeling I should be there in case he needs me.”

Sheldon was calm and level-headed, except when it came to Forest. I waited for him to lose his mind completely and quit working for Jordan so he could be on Forest’s detail twenty-four seven.

“Yes,” Lane and I said at the same time.

“You’re no help. I need you to agree with me.”

I shook my head. “Come on. Let’s leave Lane alone. You can hang out with me.” Sheldon would keep me out of my head for a bit. At least, I hoped. I was too wrapped up in Lane and what he did.

“Your shift is done?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you making nachos? I’m not going if I’m not being fed.”

“How the hell has Ollie put up with you for so long?”

“That’s not the question. It’s how have I put up with Ollie.”

Sheldon turned and looked at Lane. “Nachos?”

“No. I should get to bed.” He opened his mouth again as if he wanted to say more, but all that came out was, “Goodnight.”

Sheldon and I left in the elevator to my floor.

I used to not be very social. Since my brother got into a relationship with Barrett, I missed hanging out with him.

Enter Sheldon and the others who I’d seek when I didn’t want to be alone.

I had friends here, ones I didn’t consider as much when my brother was around all the time.

“At least he washed the cum off,” Sheldon said as we exited the elevator.

I froze, my feet glued to the floor. “What?”

“You got him post-shower. You didn’t have to see the well-fucked look on his face.”

“Did you have to tell me that?”

“Yes. You need a swift kick in the ass to move you in either of their directions.” Everyone in this building was a fucking gossip. I had to repay the favor and start getting involved in their lives.

Sheldon entered the code to my home, unlocking the door.

Of course, he knew what it was. Why bother locking it if everyone could walk right in?

He went to the cabinet in the kitchen where I kept the dry goods and pulled out a jar of queso.

His nose scrunched. “Seriously? What happened to the good shit?”

“They were out. I had to get what was in stock in case you had a middle-of-the-night nacho craving.” This wasn’t the first time he’d ended up here.

“It’s a sad substitute. I’ll have to order the other stuff online, so we don’t run into this issue again.”

He popped the lid and put it in the microwave. We weren’t living the gourmet life tonight. If we wanted that, we’d have to ask Vail. Sheldon wouldn’t. He preferred the jarred queso.

“Did you and Lane work anything out?” he asked, grabbing a bag of chips and pouring some onto a plate.

“Nothing outside of me admitting I don’t like him fucking other men, and how he shouldn’t want to tie himself back into this life.”

“As long as it was productive.” He took the queso from the microwave and spooned it over the chips.

“Do you even listen when I speak?”

“Of course, but I’m not sure what you’d like me to say.

We could all tell you to make a move and ask him out.

Go to Alton and take him to dinner too. Woo them both and see if they’re open to being together as well.

But you won’t. You’d rather sit in your dark apartment and suffer.

Why would anyone want this life?” He rolled his eyes.

“You can’t give me advice until you do something about Forest.”

“I was going to watch over him, but you two convinced me not to. Now I’m eating nachos, wondering if I did the right thing.”

“Nachos or Forest? It’s a tough decision.”

“Just for that, these are all mine.”

“Whatever you say, Shel.”

I was done talking for the night. Nothing was resolved. I felt worse than when I started.

Lane happily fucked his way through Dremest, while I watched everyone around me fall in love. Fanfuckingtastic.