Page 28

28

Reyla

I woke before sunrise the next morning in my bed and stretched before rubbing my shoulder Lorant had healed.

I’d spent half the night thinking about what happened. All the things that had happened last night.

We’d only briefly discussed the incident in the hall and come to no conclusions other than that whoever was trying to kill me—and probably him—must be related to the curse. One person or many? That, we needed to find out before they struck again.

As for High Lord Zeiger, it wasn’t easy to take a life, but I’d done so in Lorant’s defense. I wouldn’t hesitate if I found myself in a similar situation again.

Farris yawned on the blankets beside me, his tail thumping.

Only four weeks until their thirtieth birthday, and I wasn’t much closer to breaking this curse than I’d been when I discovered it existed. With no one able to talk about it, or blanking out after tossing me a few tantalizing clues, how was I supposed to do what was beginning to feel impossible? I wasn’t giving up. It not only wasn’t in me to do something like that but…

I loved them both. Despite my determination to hold my heart close, they’d wooed me with their own unique ways, and my heart had gone all in and jumped off the cliff.

My chest cratered. I never thought I’d love someone again, but now that the knowledge had been seared across my soul, I knew what I had to do.

Dawn was poking its head above the horizon as I slipped from the bed and went to my closet. I hadn’t touched my pack since a short time after I arrived but now felt like the right and the best time to say goodbye.

Farris rolled onto his back for belly rubs, which I delivered, even stroking his paws in the way he loved, other than the front right with its halfmoon scar on the biggest pad that he’d received before I met him. That, I touched gently, cooing at him while I did it.

Then I settled on the blankets and placed the pack on my outstretched thighs. I’d delayed looking long enough. I lazily stroked the nyxin’s tummy while he groaned and stabbed his legs into the air.

Eventually, I loosened the ties at the top of the bag and spread them wide.

Farris rose and poked his nose inside, sniffing before backing away and sneezing. With a huff, he dropped to his belly and looked from me to the bag.

Like before, I dug deep into the darkness, nudging aside the things I’d brought from Lydel and left there. My fingers slid across the small leather pouch I’d placed in this fortress bag what felt like a lifetime ago. Fresh and gut-wrenchingly painful then. Now, it felt distantly sad.

I tugged the pouch out and shifted the bag to the floor, placing my treasures on my legs. I stared down at the dear, scuffed, soft leather surface forever. Knowing I’d one day pull it out again, I’d left the knot undone. I removed the items, gently laying them on the bed beside me before setting the pouch to the side.

Lifting the necklace with the stone pendant, I let it spin in the early morning light, winking a blue prettier than a clear sky. I undid the clasp and tugged the pendant off the chain, then added it to the key and the ring around my neck. It felt right to carry this tiny piece of Kinart with me, a thread extending from my past into my future. It nestled warmly against my skin and when I stared at it, a tear trickled down my face.

“I’ll always love you, Kinart,” I whispered. “Please know that.”

Next, I lifted the worn book of poems and opened it randomly to a passage. I read it aloud, Farris’s nose twitching and his mournful eyes turned my way.

Kinart had loved this one in particular. Fate sure had a way of digging the blade in, now didn’t it?

In dusk's weeping whisper, hearts entwine and break,

Love lingers like echoes in twilight’s wake.

Hope’s gentle dawn nudges shadows away,

Though some must step forward, gone astray.

Paths unfurl where dreams shimmer bright,

Leaving beloved footprints lost from sight .

I dropped the book back into my pack and palmed my face. My eyes stung, and I let a few more tears fall. Leave it to Kinart’s soul to stretch out enough to make sure I read this poem and none of the others.

My shoulders shook, and my heart cored with pain.

Finally, I swiped away the tears and stared down.

Only one thing left from my lost love to touch, to hold, to cherish.

Kinart’s last note. He’d hide them for me, then grin while I opened and read them. After he was killed, I’d found this one tucked inside my dragon grooming kit inside the aerie. I couldn’t bear to open it, to read his words, because they’d be his last. As long as I didn’t read them, he was still with me. I could pretend I’d turn, and he’d be there with that silly grin on his face. That he’d stride forward, sweep me up and spin me around, kissing me.

I opened his last note and pressed it out smooth, tracing my fingers across the parchment more times than I needed to, because…

…Maybe I wasn’t as ready as I’d thought.

“Being with someone new doesn’t mean I don’t still love you,” I whispered, running my hand over and over across the now-smooth message. “We’re not saying goodbye. It’s not over for us. I won’t let that happen. I guess I just—” Closing my eyes, I stretched out my hand. “Will you hold it and step forward with me? I don’t want to leave you behind.”

Something warmed on my chest, and I looked down to find the pendant he’d given me glowing. It shuttered out before I could blink, and when I lifted it, it was as cold as it had been the last time I’d held it.

“Kinart,” I whimpered. “Kinart.”

I lifted the note, but I was crying too hard to see what he’d written. Sniffing, I used the corner of my nightgown to wipe my face, my eyes.

And then I could see. I read it aloud because he was here with me. Or he had been. He’d reached out and touched me one last time before slipping away to a place I had to believe was better.

“Love you.” My whisper echoed around me before it dissipated into the chill morning air.

With the note held aloft, I read his final words.

In a dragon’s wings, I see your courage.

In its fiery scales, your strength.

And in its heart, your infinite grace.

Stars wink out and new ones shine.

There’s nothing more certain in life than that.

When the wind whispers through your hair, know it’s me, Reyla.

And smile.

“He knew,” I sobbed. “He knew.” I didn’t know how, but he’d suspected something horrible would happen. He left this for me, maybe right before we climbed onto our dragons for that last raid. “I wish you’d told me so I could’ve held you one last time.”

I laid the note on the bed and scooted to Farris, burying my face in his soft, warm fur.

And I cried.

Something thudded on my window, and I whipped my head up, turning to look in that direction .

Merrick was pressing his face against the glass. “Let me in?”

“What are you—” I leaped off the bed and lifted the sash, latching onto his tunic. Leaning backward, I hauled while he scrambled his feet against the stones, using his strong hands to tug himself up and in through the opening.

I fell backward with him landing on top of me.

He braced himself on his palms and looked down at me, studying my face. “You were crying. I had to come to you. Let me kill someone to make you feel better.”

“You didn’t walk down the hall to get here.” Why was I still crying? Maybe because he was looking at me as if he’d burn the world around us as long as I’d give him a smile.

He eased back onto his knees and ran his knuckles from my jawline to my nape. “Tell me why you’re sad. I’ll do anything to help you feel better.”

“I was going through some keepsakes from Kinart.”

He glanced toward the pack sitting on the bed, the treasures from my lost love scattered beside it. “Show me?”

He wanted to see things another man gave me? Merrick truly was special.

“I will.”

Rising, he tugged me up off the floor and urged me over to the bed. He sat first and patted his lap. “Come on. Show me. Tell me about him and what you two shared together.”

“Some men would find it odd to talk about a woman’s past lover with her.” I climbed onto the bed and settled on his lap, his arms going around me, holding me as if I was precious while his chin dropped onto my shoulder.

His chest rumbled when he spoke. “I’m not jealous. I’m grateful you had someone who loved you before you found me.”

“He died. He was murdered, and I think he knew it was going to happen.” Lifting the note, I read it out loud, my voice croaky yet hushed. It hurt to speak Kinart’s last words, but it also felt good.

“That’s beautiful,” Merrick said. “He’s right. You’re as fierce as a dragon. Also as sly as a nyxin and as conniving as…”

“As what?”

His words were dragging me away from my sadness. But that was Merrick. Thoughtful. Kind. Always looking for ways to please me.

“I was going to name someone who appears only at night, but that felt odd.”

“You’re right. He’s conniving.”

Merrick winced, and I reminded myself that while they presented themselves as two separate individuals, they were in truth two flames within a single fire.

“I am conniving,” I said. “I’ll admit it. You must’ve seen that already. Heard about it too a short time ago.”

“And we’ll talk about that later if that’s all right with you. Show me what else Kinart gave you.”

I tugged the pendant out from beneath my nightgown and held it up in the light. “He bought it for me at a village fair.”

He lifted it off my palm and turned it this way and that. “It’s lovely.”

“I want to wear it.”

“And you should.” He tapped the ring and the key. “These are strange adornments.”

“Surely conniving man told you about them.”

“And your suspicions. I wouldn’t be surprised. My father loved someone . I’d hoped it was my mother. All children want something like that, don’t they? As I grew older, I told myself he’d loved her, and she felt the same because he was a good person, and he deserved it. But I don’t think she ever did.”

“I think she loved the high advisor. ”

“Ironic, isn’t it?”

“As much as she’s able to love anyone, that is.”

“She once loved me,” he said softly, his words brushing across my hair. “I don’t think she does now.”

“She may. But she’s greedy. Self-centered. And she’s willing to nudge you off a tall shelf if she’ll benefit from your fall.”

“Unfortunately, this is Erisandra.”

I held up the book of poems. “Kinart used to love reading these to me.”

“And you loved hearing them.”

My laugh came out much too tortured. “I never told him this wasn’t one of my favorite things. But,” I frowned, remembering, “that’s not exactly true. I loved lying in the grass beside him with my eyes closed. Then I could hear the joy in his voice as he read them to me. For that reason, I loved them as much as him.”

“He sounds like he was a wonderful person. I’m sorry you lost him.”

“Me too.” I sighed and showed Merrick the flower. “I pressed it in the book of poems. He’d tucked it into my hair after we—” There were some things you didn’t discuss with your husband.

“It’s alright to name it. He made you happy, and I’m grateful for that. I would never try to take a single memory of that time from you. Think about him, please. Remember him. Because, somewhere, wherever he is now, he’ll feel warmth and know that it comes from you.”

A new tear trickled down my cheek, this one for Merrick. He spoke of Kinart, but there was no way he couldn’t also be thinking of himself.

“A dried flower is fragile,” he said softly.

“That’s why I kept it inside the book, hoping it wouldn’t fall apart.” Because losing even this tiny thing would crush me.

“Can I do something with it for you? ”

“Like what?” I held it up by the stem, and he carefully took it from me.

“I don’t want to replace this or use it to bridge loss and hope, but I want to create something new with it if that’s alright with you.”

Merrick again, asking permission, as if he worried he’d hurt me by doing something nice.

“Go ahead,” I said, easing around on his lap to face him.

He laid the flower on his palm and closed his eyes, humming a monotone tune that whispered through the room like fallen leaves on the wind and the taps of new rainfall on leaves.

The flower lifted up and started spinning above his palm. As if he’d summoned lightning, it arced through the window and connected with the flower. Light burst through the room, so bright I closed my eyes to shut it out.

When I opened them, a clear round crystal lay on his palm with the flower, now in full blooming color and no longer faded, preserved inside forever.

He held it out to me, watching me, his face guarded. Didn’t he know that there wasn’t anything he could do with all his heart that would hurt me?

I took it from him and held it against my throat.

As I pressed my face into his chest, I let one final tear fall.