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Lorant

“ A gain,” I said. “Make it obey you, Reyla. Don't allow my shadow to slide away.”

“It’s listening to you, not me. It’s not cooperating.” Frustration came through in her voice.

Desperation, too.

The feelings were echoed within me, though I wasn't irritated by her.

I loved her. The realization had solidified within me when we kissed, and I wasn't sure why I hadn't seen it the first time we met. Loving this woman was my sole purpose in life, my only reason for existing.

She tried again, her eyes sliding closed while she latched onto the power jettisoning through the room and dragged it into her core. It lashed out of her immediately, and while I couldn't quite see it, I could feel the heat of it coursing across the exposed skin of my forearms where I’d rolled up my tunic sleeves. I'd ditched my cloak not long after we got started.

Again, she pulled in power, this time in a more subtle way.

“Yes,” I whispered. “Like that.”

My shadow finally started to move. She tugged harder, a growl scraping up her throat, and my shadow slid off the wall and flashed over to her, rising to loom above her.

“Good girl,” I said.

Reyla sagged back against the wall, though she kept control of my shadow, even when I tried to call it back to mirror me on the floor.

I yanked harder and it went nowhere .

My proud smile flickered up. “ Very good girl.”

She shot me a grin that stabbed through me. Eviscerated me. Made me love her all the more. “How are you able to keep such tight control over your shadow? The rest kind of drift around and act compliant.”

“Shadows from inanimate objects are compliant. Shadows generated by living beings like us almost seem to have a mind of their own.”

“Especially yours.”

I dipped my head forward in agreement.

“It takes time to learn how to manipulate more than inanimate object shadows. Practice. Most shadow wielders never make it past objects. But you commanded my shadow, and it obeyed you. No one else has ever done that before, though one tried.”

She bumped off the stone wall and walked over to stand in front of me, my shadow following her like an obedient nyxin. But then, that was me. A pup eager to do whatever this woman asked. “Who tried to steal your shadow?”

“I was ten. ”

“One person then, not split.”

I blinked.

“Tell me what happened?” With a flick of her hand, she released my shadow to ooze across the floor and up onto the wall where it suddenly matched me again. The action was almost an afterthought on her part, which told me that while it may take many more years for her to be a true master of this skill, she had reached an ability with it most never achieved.

We were all tested. We all practiced with masters. But few took their lessons beyond the rudimentary basics.

I drew in a long breath, dragging in the light of the dim sconces and the smoky warmth of the tower room. Her fiery gaze remained on mine as the lights winked out at my command, leaving the room bathed in the light of the stars, the moon. Moonbeams struck her auburn hair, infusing it with molten threads.

She always waited like this, expectant but never impatient, as if she knew I’d eventually speak. She never pushed harder than my temper could take, but her steadiness, the trait I'd once mistaken for softness, shredded me in a way nothing else had.

Taking her hand, I walked over to the wall and sat, bringing her down with me to sit on my outstretched legs. She nestled into my chest as if she belonged there, and oh, how that hurt. While she looked up at me, still waiting, I wrapped my arms around her—where they belonged. Always around this woman alone.

“As I said, I was ten.” My gaze dropped to where her fingers clung to my tunic.

“You two still share the memories of before?”

Again, I blinked.

“Hmm.”

“There were times when all this—” I gestured vaguely at the castle in general. “The courts, the rules… Even as a boy, I chafed against it. ”

“This part of you in particular, I assume.”

My face ached with my grin because she understood. Back then, we were one, not Lorant and Merrick, a severed half of a soul, each gifted or blighted with characteristics unlike the other. Night. Day. That was the only way to describe it. “Restoration versus Destruction. One side mends what is broken while the other eliminates what is flawed. I epitomize ruthlessness.”

“Viper. Assassin.”

Her voice did not come out judgmental, but inside, I winced. My face, as always, remained unmoving. Stoic. “All that and more.”

“One believes in goodness while the other sees what’s truly there. Sometimes we need to face reality rather than coat it with pretty glamour. A false facade benefits no one.”

I liked that she could see this in me. I'd always focused on the negative side of the traits I'd been left with, seeing them as something to overcome, though for me, that was impossible. I'd never seen them as strengths.

Not until I met Reyla.

“When I was young, I used to sneak away from the castle.”

Her lips quirked up. “You told me. You’d board the ship we traveled on from Lydel and pretend you were a pirate.”

“ I told you?”

Her smile faltered, and her brow tightened. “Yes, you. I… It sounds strange, but in my mind you’re one. Broken in two but still the same person.”

“We’re truly not.”

“You are. You’ll never convince me otherwise.”

And for that, I loved her even more, because I did worry. Not only about dying, though I’d face it with my head high and a feral gleam in my eyes. I worried I wouldn’t remember moments like this when she was freely touching me, kissing me, not as the person I was now. I would do anything to be with her, to remember it all. But even if we did what no one else ever had, these memories could be stolen from me like everything else.

“Merrick is the good in us both, while I’m the viper that should be shoved into a closet somewhere and bricked over.”

I wasn’t sure this part of me—us—deserved to go on even if Reyla broke the curse.

“That’s not true. Neither of you is better than the other.” She cupped my face and tilted it, making me look at her. “When I break this curse, you are not going to slip away. Do you hear me? I will find you. You , Lorant, because you are equally worthy.”

“Seek me, and I will stretch my hand out to you.”

“Make sure you do.”

She said it so pertly, my laugh burst out. It felt amazing. I felt lighter and freer than I ever had before.

“Now tell me your story,” she said sternly. “No more thinking you aren’t enough.”

This woman saw through any wall I lifted, and that gutted me.

And healed me.

“Alright, Wildfire,” I drawled, dragging up some of the energy that made me Lorant. “I’ll tell you my story. Sometimes, for fun, I'd run into the woods and pretend I was a hunter or someone on a grand adventure.”

“But not this day.”

“No. Not this day. On this day, I was angry with Erisandra.”

“I can see why anyone would be.”

I snorted. Me, snorting with laughter, all because of this woman I cherished above all others, even myself. “She made a judgment while sitting on the throne, and I didn't like it. When I confronted her, she chastised me, told me I was a child and when I was king, I could make these decisions for myself. Until then, I was to respect her right to do it instead. I ran from the room and kept going, not stopping until I reached my suite, where I packed a bag. I hurried to the kitchen and stole a loaf of bread and a packet of butter. I was determined to show her that she shouldn't dismiss me.”

“She already had.”

I dipped my head in acknowledgment. “I ran away, using magic to unlock the door in the wall near the woods.”

“Even then, you could command magic like that?”

“You forget how good at this I am.” I bit back my smile, watching her.

“I haven’t forgotten how arrogant you are.”

There she was.

My grin rose. I couldn’t hold it back. But it fell when I restarted my story. “As dusk settled across the land, I crept through the woods well beyond the wall. I quickly saw that the woods never looked darker than when the daylight slips away. But I was mad, so I kept going, running as fast as possible, because I could already hear shouts behind me. While she may act as if she dislikes me on occasion, I was the king, and a king must remain present at all times to do his duty.”

“Her words, I assume.”

“Of course.” I grunted. “I took a trail that wound through a swampy area and up over hills, stumbling down the other side. I thought of reaching the mountains where I would climb a steep cliff. I’d find a cave. Light a fire and eat the bread and butter I'd stolen. Then I'd sleep in the cave and pretend I was a fierce warrior on a mission for the true king.”

“Your father.”

“I miss him. He was better than the rest.” Better than me in too many ways. “Night in the woods can be scary. Sounds are shaper. Each snap of a branch carved pathetic fear into my soul. ”

“You were a boy. I'm sure you were scared with good reason. Creatures hunt the woods at night, especially beyond the wall.”

“Borgons, though they're not the only things to fear in the forest.”

A shiver ripped through her, and I tightened my arms around her as if I truly had the strength and ability to protect her from what was coming.

“Then I came to the hut,” I said. “It stood on the edge of a low marshy area speckled with tiny islands covered with moss. It was nestled among capressa trees with long vines draping across the roof. They made a mesh on the walls so tight it appeared almost skeletal.”

“Did you turn around or go closer?”

“I hid, stooping down among a cluster of thorny bushes, watching the thin trail of smoke coiling from the chimney, the dark windows with no light inside, the closed door carved with a shape of something I couldn't make out. I remained there, watching, though I didn't know why. Something…” I shook my head, trying to put words to the feeling, though I couldn't find them today any easier than I could back then. “That's when the door opened, and a slender figure emerged. They wore a deep red cloak pulled up to shadow their face.”

“You didn't turn and flee?”

“Fleeing invites pursuit.”

“But you didn't know who they were.”

“I sensed what they were.” And to this day, while I still couldn't name it, I knew that if they'd caught me back then, I would not be here now.

“What were they?”

I shook my head, unwilling to name it in case I was wrong. Words had power and this one… They had the most power of them all. Enough to crack the world wide open if they chose .

“They paused, and their head lifted as if they were sniffing the air. No, I could sense that they could taste me hiding nearby.”

“Power hungry, then.”

She was right in so many ways.

“Then their head snapped to face where I hid,” I said. “’Come closer, they said. Don't stand in the woods when you can approach and finally see’.”

“Finally see what?” she asked, frowning.

“I don't know. Back then, I didn't want to know.” Although, I did now. “I couldn't hold back. Their voice, low, commanding, yet coated with something oily and unnatural, wrapped around me like a noose. ‘Come closer,’ they said again. And I obeyed. I hated it. Fought it with everything I had. But I couldn’t stop. My breath came in gasps, my chest heaving as if I’d run for hours. My body screamed for me to turn and get away. All I could do was take one step after another, my feet dragging through the swamp before pressing through the deep, vine-ensnared moss. My legs weighed more and more as I moved. And my shadow slithered along beside me, almost stretching toward them.”

“Lore,” she breathed, her arm tightening around my back.

Did she realize what she'd called me? I'd noted that she'd used Lorant since that night when she discovered who and what I am. She told Merrick she didn’t know why but that Lore no longer felt right.

So intriguing.

“The air was colder there, though no wind stirred,” I said. “The world felt muted, the sounds of the forest swallowed whole, leaving only the rasp of my labored breathing behind. I gritted my teeth, my throat raw as if I’d been screaming. Sweat slicked my skin beneath my tunic, and I tasted salt and iron on my tongue. I wanted to be back at the castle, playing in my suite, running through the corridors, doing anything but this. Anything but answering that voice’s command.”

“And your shadow?”

“It kept stretching out to them before snapping back to rejoin me.”

“Lured?”

I shrugged because I truly didn’t know, not even to this day. “The marshy area stretched longer with each of my steps. The vines clutching at my boots were alive and threatening to pull me down. Brambles snagged my clothing. My muscles trembled under the weight of something invisible, something terrible. And they said, ‘Don’t stop now’.” I pitched my voice high to match theirs. Even today, I could still hear them as if they spoke in my mind this instant. “Their voice growled through the night like the scrape of a blade against stone, rattling inside my skull and twisting tighter around my will. My feet obeyed, even as my mind rebelled, even as terror lanced through me with each dragging step. I hated how powerless I felt, how utterly undone this thing could make me with only words.”

“Tell me the rest,” she croaked.

The words rushed out of me as I jerked the memories from my mind and sliced them wide open for her to see. “’Send your shadow closer,’ they said.”

“Why did they want your shadow?”

“Rare individuals collect them. Steal something from them.”

She shuddered.

“The deep folds of their hood shifted but revealed nothing of the face beneath,” I said. “I couldn’t see their hands, but I felt their teeth in the air, their hunger. They saw the weakness in me, the smallness, and it thrilled them.”

“You were a boy.”

“Old enough to wear a crown on my head. ”

“ Forced to wear that crown on your head.”

“I wore it proudly.”

Reyla’s hand slipped over mine, and she squeezed. Her other hand rose, and she brushed her fingers along my face, tracing my scar. The skin still ached, though it was old now, an imprint of that night etched into my flesh. “They did this.”

“Yes.” I swallowed and continued, needing her to hear the rest. “The person met me halfway.” The memory clawed its way to the surface, stinging like an open wound. “Their stride was quicker, smoother now, not causing even a ripple in the water as they moved. When they reached me, I could feel them tugging at my core. Not my power but… I watched as my shadow slithered away from me and toward them. I knew if I let them take it, something vital inside me would be missing forever. I lashed out with whatever power I could gather and—” Now I touched my face, and phantom pain surged, sharp and searing. Once again, I could feel the icy sting of the blade.

“They cut you with a knife?”

“Their magic, a power unlike anything I’ve felt before or since. It slashed out, gouging into my skin as though it was meant to sever more than flesh.”

“A distraction so they could finish stealing your shadow?”

I shrugged.

Reyla’s soft breath was warm on my chest where I was so cold, and her eyes were wide and her gaze unflinching. She looked up at me with what I hoped was her heart in her eyes.

Hope. A Merrick word. Never mine.

Funny how in this and only with her, I could somehow grab onto a trace of that feeling.

“Did you run?” Her voice was a whisper.

“I couldn’t.” I leaned into her touch, my hand falling back to my lap as her fingers brushed over the scar again. “ He would’ve found a way to escape.”

“Merrick sees in the light while you command the dark. I don’t think so.”

I blinked. All these years, I’d felt like Merrick’s unwelcome shadow, the part of us that no one would ever willingly claim as their own.

Reyla saw something better in me, and that was why I could now cling to hope.

“Before I could send magic at them again, something swooped from the sky.” My words caught in my throat, the memory vivid enough to send a tremor through my body. “I couldn’t see what it was, but shadows broke through the treetops, wings slicing the night air. Pandemonium erupted. The cloaked person screeched. That sound.” I shook my head. “It shredded through the air. They spun toward the hut, running for it like the very flames of the fates were snapping at their heels. They barely made it to the threshold.”

“What happened?”

“Fire erupted around them, engulfing the hut in seconds. The smoke turned brighter, somehow alive, curls and tendrils of it reaching outward.”

“Did it kill the cloaked person?”

“I don't know. I didn’t stay to watch. The thing in the sky—” I shook my head again, my jaw clenched tight enough to hurt. “I worried it would turn its flames toward me, so I ran until my legs wanted to give out, until my chest burned, and my throat wheezed with every breath. I didn’t stop until I staggered back into the castle.”

She held her breath.

“I hid in my room for the rest of the night. I healed this as best I could.” I dragged my fingertip along the scar that I could sear closed back then but never take away. Neither could the healers, though they tried. “I didn’t sleep. I just…sat on my bed, waiting for something horrible to happen. Waiting for the person to come after me again, I suppose.”

“They didn’t?”

“No.” My breath whooshed out of me. “I’ve listened for it ever since, because I know it still wants me.”

Reyla was quiet for a while. “What judgment did your mother make that day? While sitting on your throne.”

“She sided with a high lady—a woman I knew was in the wrong. The lady stole grain from a lesser, leaving the woman’s family near starving.”

“You’re certain?”

“Yes.” A bitter sneer twisted my lips. “My mother banished the woman instead of the high lady. A lesson to show what happens when someone falsely accuses a person of high born status. She exiled the woman from this court.”

Reyla’s brows pinched together. “But how? Everyone here is as entrenched in this curse as you. They can’t leave.”

“That woman was never seen again. I don’t know what happened to her though I’ve looked. But that was Erisandra’s last judgment. I did not allow her to make another.”

“You don’t call her mother.”

“She’s never treated me as if I was her child.”

Reyla's hands dropped onto her lap, and her expression twisted between fury and something sweet, something too close to what I'd been without for so long.

Understanding.

Perhaps even love?

Please, by all the fates, let it be love.