Page 17 of Kraken (Hades Abyss MC #4: Mississippi Chapter)

Phoebe

Three days. Three long, miserable days of being scared out of my mind.

Kraken hadn’t left my side since I woke up, but I could tell by the look in his eyes, what Pitch had done to me would haunt him.

He wouldn’t look at me the same as before.

I’d bear scars that would never go away, both on my body and in my mind.

I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror at the hospital, but at the hotel it wasn’t something I could avoid.

They’d only kept me overnight, and only then because they’d wanted to run tests.

A large mirror ran the length of the counter in the bathroom.

I couldn’t brush my teeth without seeing the stitches in my face, the lines on my chest that spelled out whore .

The worst part was having Kraken see me like this.

Every time he looked at me, it would be a reminder of where I’d come from, what Pitch had done to me, and what the club had intended to do.

His touch was gentle. He still whispered words of comfort and love, but in my heart, I worried he saw me different now than before.

Damaged. Ugly. Someone to be pitied. Even though a plastic surgeon had tried to make the scarring minimal, no one could make it disappear completely.

The stitches in my face and chest would dissolve within the next few days, or should according to the doctor.

They’d said sometimes it took a little longer.

Standing long enough to wash or use the bathroom exhausted me.

I’d heard the doctor tell Kraken I needed more time to heal before going home to Mississippi.

I missed my daughter, and yet, I didn’t want her to see me this way.

She was so little. Would the cuts on my face scare her?

I already knew people would stare if I ever left the hotel room.

I’d felt their gazes on me when Kraken had brought me here from the hospital.

We couldn’t remain here forever, though, and my stitches could take over a week to dissolve.

The pills I had to take made me drowsy and unlike myself.

The doctor had said what he’d given me wouldn’t hurt the baby, if there was one.

I hated them, but I didn’t like the pain I felt without them either.

Every day, I promised myself I’d stop taking them.

Then I’d find myself reaching for the bottle.

They didn’t just numb the pain of my wounds, but they helped numb my mind and soul too.

I knew it was a slippery slope, a path that would lead to addiction.

My daughter deserved better. She needed me to be strong.

“Brought you something,” Kraken said as he entered the hotel room. He set a bag on the bed next to me.

I reached for it, feeling the plastic crinkle under my fingers.

I slid the bag closer and reached inside, pulling out two new books, but I’d felt other items. A puzzle book with pencils, scented lotion, and a card.

I fingered the pink envelope and wondered what was inside.

Get well soon? Thinking of you? Was there a card for someone telling you they didn’t want you in their life anymore?

My hands trembled as I opened it, and tears gathered in my eyes as I read the words. The outside was simple with a bouquet of roses, but inside… Kraken had written his own special message to me. All the doubts and fears melted away as I read his words.

To the woman I adore --

You are the strongest, fiercest, bravest woman I’ve ever met, Phoebe.

Life has given you a shit hand, but you keep brushing yourself off and getting back up for another round.

I promised to protect you, keep you safe, and I failed.

Not knowing if you lived or had died, and finding you battered and unconscious, nearly ripped me apart.

I’ve watched you the last few days. I see the way you try to hide.

From others. Yourself. Even me. But I see you.

The wounds you have don’t define you, baby girl.

They only enhance your beauty, remind me of how resilient you are, how determined to survive.

I admire you, baby girl. More than you’ll ever know.

Don’t hide from me, Phoebe. Let me love you. Let me help you heal.

You’re mine, and I’m yours.

Always.

Blake

He’d signed it Blake. Not Kraken. Not the name he used with everyone else, but the one that was only for me.

I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as the card fell from my hand.

I reached for him blindly and as his arms closed around me, I allowed myself to lean on him, to accept his strength and acceptance. His love.

“You’re my everything,” he murmured. “It kills me to see you like this. Nothing those fuckers did to you will ever diminish you in my eyes.”

“I love you, too.” I pulled up and looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I see my reflection and I hate the woman looking back me. I can’t stand that I’ll have scars the rest of my life, and knowing you can see them… it tears me up, Blake.”

“Do you know what I see when I look at the cuts they gave you?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“I see a survivor. You’ve lived through brutality and abuse, their torture, not once but twice, baby girl. A lot of people would have given up, but not you. You kept fighting to stay alive. And I’m so fucking glad. If I’d lost you, I don’t think I could have gone on.”

I reached up and ran my fingers over his beard. “You would have. For Ember.”

He nodded. “Yeah, but I’d have been dead inside. You’re the best part of me, Phoebe.”

“I just don’t know where to go from here. I feel ugly, and… it feels like they ruined me. I hate feeling like this, but I don’t know how to turn it off.”

He tunneled his fingers into my hair and kissed me hard and deep. “Not going to fuck you right now, even though I damn sure want to. You need time to heal, but, baby girl, you’re far from ugly. Do I look like the kind of man who keeps an ugly woman around?”

I shook my head.

“All right, then. Guess that means you must be pretty fucking beautiful. Stunning. The most gorgeous woman in the entire world.”

I bit my lip and giggled a little. His words gave me comfort, and eased the weight pulling me down.

I glanced at the pills next to the bed and handed them to him.

I knew if I kept them nearby, the next time I started to spiral, I’d reach for them.

He was right. I was a survivor, and I wouldn’t permit myself to get addicted to pain pills.

Not when my daughter needed me, and he needed me.

Even if it was the hardest thing I’d ever done, I’d refuse to take another one.

I only hoped I was strong enough to not break and reach for the bottle again.

I should throw them out, flush them so I wouldn’t be tempted.

“How about we order room service, cuddle in bed, and watch movies all night?” he asked. “Sound good to you?”

“Perfect.”

He ran his fingers through my hair. “Want me to fill the tub? You haven’t tried the bubble bath I got you yesterday. Might help relax you before we eat. I’m sure the food will take at least a half hour, maybe longer.”

I nodded and watched him walk off. I heard the water running in the bathroom and smelled a floral scent.

It took me a minute to get out of bed and feel steady enough to walk.

Kraken sat on the closed toilet, his fingers under the water spout.

It must have seemed too hot because he turned the cold water knob some more.

When he noticed my presence, he gave me a warm smile and stood, helping me out of my pajamas.

He’d bought three sets for me, all soft cotton.

They weren’t sexy by any means, but I appreciated his thoughtfulness.

“Come on, beautiful. Let me help you into the tub, then I’ll go place an order for us. Know what you want to eat?”

“Nothing too heavy, or greasy. Maybe some soup?”

His gaze narrowed. “You need more than just that. I’ll get some for you, but I’ll also see if they have some grilled chicken or something, just in case you’re up to eating more.”

I leaned back against the tub and closed my eyes.

The water was perfect, and he’d been right.

It was relaxing. I heard the murmur of his voice in the other room as he ordered our dinner.

I didn’t know if the others were sticking around too, or just Kraken.

I’d seen two of his brothers at the hospital, but Kraken hadn’t permitted anyone in our room.

Was I keeping him from his duties with the club?

My fingers started to prune so I drained the water and got out.

I hadn’t thought to bring clean clothes in with me, so I wrapped the towel around my body and padded out into the room.

Kraken sprawled in a chair at the little table, tapping on his phone screen.

He glanced up as I pulled open the dresser drawer, taking out some clean panties and pajamas.

“We need to wash clothes,” I said.

“I’ll get the hotel staff to clean them. They have a laundry service.”

I turned to him, pulling my pajamas on. “Blake, that’s going to cost a fortune. I’m sure there’s a laundromat nearby. Or maybe we can just go home.”

“Baby girl, you’re swaying on your feet. I don’t think you’re up for a road trip yet. When it’s time, I’ll make sure there’s a club truck here to take you home, but for now, I want you to rest.”

I crawled back into bed, pulling the covers up to my waist. He was right about one thing.

Even something as simple as a bath really took it out of me.

It felt like I’d run a marathon. I knew part of it was the drugs still in my system, but I’d been told I’d lost quite a bit of blood.

I didn’t know how long I’d been passed out in my room before Kraken found me.

Our food arrived and I managed to eat my soup and a few bites of the grilled chicken.

I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I ate because I knew I needed to.

Not to mention, if I didn’t eat regularly, Kraken would threaten to force-feed me.

I knew he was worried, but I would be fine.

Now, anyway. The words in the card he’d given me had changed things, made me realize how much he still loved me, wanted me.

I might see a disfigured monster in the mirror, but he didn’t.

To Kraken, I was still Phoebe, the woman he loved. His wife.

He put the tray in the hall, then crawled into bed next to me.

He drew me close to his side and I rested my head on his chest. Breathing him in, I let his scent wash over me.

I’d held him at arm’s length, worried about where I stood with him.

I wouldn’t do that anymore. If he wanted to comfort me, I’d let him.

Maybe holding me helped him in some way too.

“Don’t you need to be back home?” I asked. “You’re an officer. I’d imagine they don’t like you being gone so long.”

“I’m right where I need to be. Titan took two bullets to the chest. He’s on bed rest, which he fucking hates. Boomer is running things for the most part. They’re patching up the compound and mostly lying low.”

“Patching? What does that mean?” I asked.

“Sadistic Saints blew the gates off. We lost Ratchet and a Prospect. We got lucky it wasn’t worse.

” He sighed. “And Morgan is gone too. But since he’d turned on us, we’d have gutted the fucker anyway.

I don’t know why he did it, but I’m sure Wizard is checking into it.

Won’t matter. There’s nothing more sacred than our brotherhood, and he shit all over it. ”

“He seemed jittery, right before he turned me over to Pitch. I could tell something was off. I’d mentioned it to Mara, but we didn’t have time to make a plan.”

“If there’s any sort of trail for Wizard to follow, he’ll find out what was going on. But with Morgan dead, along with the Sadistic Saints, it doesn’t much matter anymore. Knowing why he did it, won’t change everything that happened.”

“Maybe not,” I said. “But it might give you closure.”

“I’m more worried about MaryAnne. Pitch said she was long gone. I don’t know if that means dead, or if they sold her. Hell, she could have been shoved into a brothel somewhere. We owe it to Sean to find her and bring her home.”

I rubbed my hand across his chest, wanting to comfort him.

“You will. The club will find her, if she’s still alive.

I have faith in you, Blake.” The way he’d protected me, gotten me away from Deuce and the others, I knew he’d never stop searching for MaryAnne.

My biker might be a bad boy, but he was a sweetheart when it came to women.

A defender of the innocent. I just wasn’t sure he’d appreciate me calling him that, even in my head.