Page 30 of Knotting Hill (How I Met My Monster)

Bella

When my skin prickles, I look up at the sky on instinct. It’s still blue, but the sun has sunk toward the horizon and the clouds are edged with pink. The moon is nowhere in sight. Somehow, though, I know it’s still sitting unseen below the mountains. I’ve never had such a sense of things before. A knowing .

Will squeezes my hand and I look around at him. He gives me a reassuring smile.

“I’m not nervous,” I insist.

He kisses the end of my nose. “It’s fine. You’ll be a natural.”

I have my doubts. I’ve studied, though. Read the books Harry loaned me, watched the others shift. I’ve riddled Will with questions until I’m certain he must be sick of me.

Only, this isn’t a part. It’s not a role I can prepare for.

It’s my new life.

I open the door of the rental car and we take the packs from the trunk. Then we walk hand in hand down a narrow dirt path into the woods.

“You’re sure no one else comes here?” I ask Will when a crunch and snap of twigs and leaves up ahead makes me jump.

“No one but other shifters. Don’t worry. Our pack has been coming here for years. I’ve never seen a stray human.”

It’s growing dark now. I know this intellectually, though my new heightened senses mean instead of stumbling on the uneven surface, I can easily make out the best places to put my feet. It’s as if everything is tinged with gray, but rough or slippery patches stand out sharply.

We make it to the clearing and I know Jane, Harry and Candy are waiting there before we see them. Their scents have become familiar to me, like the smell of your mother’s scarf from an old box, or a favorite meal.

Candy rushes forward to hug me. “Oh, I’m so excited! I knew this day would come when we first met. I just had a feeling!”

I return the hug, then greet Jane and Harry.

Brian comes rushing along the path just when the gray twilight has almost turned to dark. Raising a hand in a hasty wave, he says, “Sorry, I’m late. Got held up at work.”

He drops his pack when he reaches the clearing.

“How are you feeling, Bella?” Jane asks. “I remember my first time. It’s easier if we get naked now.”

I give her a nod. “Right.”

This should be easy. How many times have I stripped down in front of make-up artists or costume designers? How many nude suits have I worn on set?

But, of course, this is real. This is raw.

Will pulls his t-shirt over his head and drops it onto our bag. Of course, I instantly feel better. With a grin and a shrug, I follow suit and soon we’re all nude. I try to avoid looking at the others. For a start, I don’t know where to look.

I fix my eyes on Will and trace the now familiar lines of his body. He steps close and wraps an arm around me.

“Did you bring the ribbon?” Harry asks.

“Got it!” Candy holds out a length of pretty red ribbon.

Harry takes it and stands in front of Will and I. I know what comes next, but my heart still beats fast in my chest, thudding out a rhythm as I realize what this means. From now on, I’ll be bound to Will and him to me. I’m bound to his pack and I’m one of them.

No going back.

I clasp Will’s hand and we hold them up together so Harry can wrap the ribbon around our wrists. “Will, Bella? As your alpha, I bind you together as mates. Be true to each other and to our pack. Be good to each other and to your pack. Nurture each other and the pack. Do you so swear?”

“I do,” we say in unison.

“Bella, we’re here as a pack to guide you through your first shift and keep you safe. We’ll always be here for you, as you will for us.”

“I will.” Tears spring to my eyes as I say the words. They’re happy tears.

I’m gaining so much more than a mate. As if he needs to be any more perfect.

Just at that moment, the moon slips over the horizon and I feel it instantly.

My body feels tight as if the skin is too small and I need to break free.

My stomach clenches. My hand tightens on Will’s.

“You’re going to be fine, Bella.”

Unable to speak, I give him a nod.

I notice the growth first. My height almost doubles and I’m suddenly taller than everyone else. Why is no one else shifting?

Then I look down at my hand on Will’s and see claws where my nails should be and thick brown fur sprouting from it. He never lets go.

The ribbon Harry draped around our wrists falls to the leaves and I hunch over in pain. I drop onto all fours with a gasp.

Someone strokes my back.

Sweat breaks out on my forehead.

I try to speak. To ask if this is normal. It comes out as a growl.

“That’s it, Bella,” Jane says. “Let it happen. Your body knows what to do.”

“Can’t!” The word is slurred, but apparently they understand me.

“You can,” Will says.

“Feel the wolf inside you,” Harry says. “Imagine that wolf running through the woods, free and loved.”

I close my eyes.

I can almost see her. She’s brown with a white muzzle and darker fur on her back. Her bushy tail wags as she nips and plays with the other wolves in a pack, trotting through the dark forest, yellow eyes glowing.

Not her. Me.

The wolf is me.

The pain across my back eases. I’m shrinking again. I still have both hands on the ground, though, and I couldn’t stand upright if I tried.

I look down.

My hands aren’t hands any longer. They’re paws. Wolf paws covered with brown fur and tipped with black claws.

“Well done.” Harry smiles.

A moment later the others shift, too, dropping easily onto all fours and changing in the blink of an eye. It looks so much easier for them than it felt for me. I guess they have years of practice.

Beside me, I recognize Will. His gray fur is patched with white and tan. His bushy tail is wagging, and he comes close to stand with his shoulder touching mine.

Harry is a slightly larger wolf. His fur is tan with a dark brown spine. The fur around his neck stands out in a ruff and he stands tall.

When he takes a step toward me, I can feel the shift in power. I can’t look away.

His yellow eyes flash in the dim light.

On instinct, my tail goes between my legs. He’s the pack alpha. What if I do something wrong?

He steps closer still and I freeze.

He walks around me and the hackles on my neck stand upright with a strange prickling sensation. Very slowly he leans in close to sniff me.

I can’t control the high pitched yap that breaks from me.

Beside me, Will growls.

Harry turns and snarls at Will. Will snaps his teeth. I lower my head, unsure what to do.

But it’s all a display. I realize this a moment later when Harry lifts his tail and wags it. He lets out a huff as if to say he has approved of me, then Will nuzzles in close.

Then Harry lifts his nose into the air and lets out a long loud howl. The sound races through me, like too many shots of coffee. Like the thump thump of a heavy base beat in a club. Like energy flowing from the pack to me.

Then we’re off, racing through the trees faster than I could ever move as a human. I follow instinctively, swerving as the others do, following scent and feeling, and the knowing. When Will nudges me off the track the others take, I instinctively follow his lead, just as I’ve done with other things. But even though we’re running, I can’t shake the restless feeling clawing at me, urging me to move faster, to sink my teeth into something.

Or have teeth in my flesh.

A shiver runs through me as the thought occurs to me. Will growls and nips at my heels, and our hunt has shifted. Now I’m the prey.

Or am I?

This feels different. I love running from him. Love feeling his hot breath on the back of my neck. Only now, I’m a monster, too. My teeth and claws are just as sharp as his. Suddenly, I know what I’m restless for. It’s my mark on him.

My body knows what I need before I do.

My limbs grow and stretch until I’m loping along on the lengthened legs and arms of the beast form. I’m bent forward, strong and fast. Even faster than the true wolf.

Will must shift, too. And keeps up with me. I hear him moments behind me as heavy footfalls on the forest floor.

I dart around a tree and wait for my moment. Then I turn and leap.

I catch him by surprise. I see his eyes go wide a moment before I’m on him.

We tumble to the ground and roll until we land with me on top. My jaws are open around his throat.

He gives me a low rumble of approval. His large paw around the back of my head yanks me closer, urges me to do it.

Between us, something hard and hot nudges against my ass and I whimper with delight. I’m suddenly aware of how wet and slick my pussy feels. How my claws long to dig into something firm.

Slowly and deliberately, I rock my hips to rub up against him. Instead of staying still, he moves under me, encouraging me, rubbing that huge and swollen head against my inner thighs.

I hadn’t considered he would want me in this form. Not when I’m still getting used to it. But I’ve never hesitated when the situation has been reversed. I loved Will in all his forms, wolf or human. Perhaps that’s the real joy of shifting. Letting go of my human form lets me let go of human anxieties. Rather than agonizing over what I look like, I go with my instinct and lift up to slide down over him and take what I want.