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Luca

We lie facing each other on my huge master bed, our bellies full of Chinese food and our muscles relaxed from the long soak in the bath.

I want to bury myself in her all night, to feel me everywhere. I shouldn’t be here, I should be turning over every stone trying to work out who fucked me, but I don’t leave her.

For the first time ever I’m where I want to be, not where I’m supposed to be.

My phone is dead, my doors are locked, and right now nothing exists outside of this moment. I pull her dressing gown open, reaching to feel her soft skin.

“You’re insatiable.” She giggles and I kiss her.

“I can’t help it.”

She smiles against my lips, and my fingers trace her stomach, stopping at the scar.

“Will you tell me about this?”

She sucks a breath in through her teeth, her mouth stilling against mine and pulls back, her eyes sadden.

“When I lost my parents. I never thought I’d recover,” she admits, holding her hand on top of mine. “I barely have if I’m honest.”

I place a soft kiss on her nose. “I know what happened to you, Layla, you don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No. No it's fine. I mean you know from a piece of paper right. Did I ever rip you a new one for having a sodding file on me,”

I mouth me and try to pull my best innocent face. “I was sixteen. We were driving back from Grandad’s. I remember the song that was playing on the radio. Mum was facing me. It all happened so quickly. One minute we were all laughing, the next.” She pauses, wincing. “A car swerved into our lane. A man had fallen asleep behind the wheel. My dad, he tried to control the car, but the speed and force propelled us into the central reservation. They were killed instantly. I survived. This—” She moves my hand along the length of the jagged scar. Her stomach tensing at the sensitive tissue that has been knitted back together. “This is where they removed an eight-inch piece of bent metal.”

I lower my head to kiss the scar. “Do you remember it?”

“I just remember waking up and seeing them.” I pull her closer, wrapping her in my arms. “I can barely remember their faces,” she says, and I wipe away her tears. “But I remember seeing their broken bodies and I remember that godforsaken music that was playing on the radio. Even now when I close my eyes, I can see it, I can hear it. But I can’t remember their faces. Not anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” I say kissing her head, and she pulls back. Her bright blue eyes are full of emotion. “That’s what made you want to be a doctor.”

She nods. “The first responders that day, the firemen who cut me out of the car, the paramedics that held my hand. They were amazing.”

“It’s not an easy job, but I can understand why it’s important. Why you have that drive to be one.”

“It would be hard, but I’ve always wanted it, it's like it's my calling. It’s what I was meant to do. But now I don’t let people in because I don’t think my heart can take anymore. The accident, grandad, struggling to pay bills. Katy once said I’m not living, I’m just dying slowly.” She sniffs and reaches out to touch my chest, pulling at the hairs there. “Everything can change so quickly,” She muses, I roll her onto my chest, and she smiles, repositioning herself. “A heartbeat, a decision, a second. Then wham, everything can change.”

Stillness settles between us, both lost in our own thoughts. Her thinking of her parents, me thinking about how that decision to save us was probably one of the best and worst she has ever made. “Do you believe in fate?” She asks.

I’m quiet, letting her question wash over me as she moves against me. I hold back a groan. “You keep fidgeting and I’m going to bury myself in you, again,” I say as my cock hardens, and the little minx wiggles. I grip her hip and hold back my smile. “But no, I don’t believe in fate. People use fate as an excuse for when they lose control. I’m a firm believer that your thoughts, your choices, put you on your path. It’s nothing to do with fate. People use fate to find reason in the unreasonable.”

“What about karma?”

“You can’t ask me about fate and then karma. You know my answer.” I roll her onto her back and pull the dressing gown open again, taking a nipple into my mouth.

“So, no.” She moans arching into me.

I continue devouring one then the other, my cock getting harder by the second.

“No.” I let her nipple pop out of my mouth, staring intently at the rise and fall of her swollen chest. She runs her hands through my hair, tugging at the root. “There is one person responsible for what happens in your life, and that’s you. Karma is more to do with a person realising that the way they acted or something they did was wrong. You can blame that on karma, but ultimately, it’s down to you, your actions, your choices.”

“I always thought karma would get the man that killed my parents.”

I crawl up her body and hover over her face. “It will but not in the way you think. He will be living with the fact that he fell asleep at the wheel and caused a catastrophic car crash that killed two innocent people. Death is better than that.” I fall forward and devour her mouth.

“Coming from the man that kills people regularly,” she says against my lips, and I pull back.

“The death of an innocent is always wrong, Layla. But in my world, people are not innocent. Including myself. I’ve never hidden what I am from you. But there is one thing you should know.”

I line myself up, and bury my cock into her wet cunt, and she moans into my mouth as I choose my next words, all the while feeling her body respond to the pleasure I’m giving her.

“I am not a perfect man, I make mistakes, last night proved that. But I will never purposefully hurt you. I will rain hellfire over any person that hurts you. What you went through was heartbreaking, it was tragic, but it was an accident. Nothing to do with karma or fate. Just shit luck.”

I kiss her on the lips as I tilt my hips, grinding against the spot that drives her crazy then pause, buried to the hilt and rest my forehead on hers.

“But us, this thing between us, I don’t want to be the person you call at 3 a.m. because you can’t sleep and you’re lonely.” I pull out leisurely and glide back in “I want to be the person you call at 3 p.m. when you’re tired and stressed or upset.” Out and in. “I want to be the person you think about when you’re restless and crave peace because I’m the one who can give it to you.”

Layla’s eyes widen as she takes in my words, takes in my tone, takes in how fucking serious I am that I want her more than anything.

Out and in then hold.

“I’m the one who wants to look after you and make you smile when you want to cry. I live in a fucked-up world doing fucked up things, but you live in that world too, and I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and realise you were nothing but the best fucking dream ever.”

I pull back out and bury myself as deep as I can, taking her mouth in a searing kiss, which I hope shows her everything that I’m trying to say but can’t.