Page 42 of Kiwi Sin

Gabriel

I was in two places at once, or maybe three. First—always—so aware of Oriana, whom I hadn’t seen for months, that I’d got a lurch of the heart when she’d climbed out of the car, and more of one when she’d taken Frankie’s hand. She hadn’t even looked at me, though. That day at Drew’s, there’d been a connection between us, a kind of warmth from her, andwithher. When she’d opened the pink paper and seen the sewing machine, she’d stood stock-still, staring at it, then turned a shining face to me and asked, “How did you know?”

“You were sewing all the time, Patience said,” I’d tried to explain, so absurdly happy to be the cause of that look. “And then you said you didn’t need one, but you said it too fast, so I thought you did. That you might be thinking it was wrong to want something for yourself, the same way you thought it was wrong to want candles. I don’t see how it can be wrong, not when you do so much for other people.” I kept my voice down so as not to wake Frankie. It was oddly intimate, being with Oriana like this in the midnight-dark house, a single pool of light shining on the table. I felt the fatigue in her, but it was a relaxed kind of thing, atogetherkind of thing, the way you feel after a hard workday, sitting in the sun with your mates and letting your tired muscles rest.

“It’s the most wonderful present,” she said, her hands stroking over the machine. “You’re … you’ve been so wonderful today. All of today. Thank you.”

In films, when the girl looked at the man like that, he’d put a hand on her face, bend his head, and kiss her. Gently, if she was a gentle person, if it was a tender moment like this one, the two of them floating on a pool of light in the quiet dark.

If she was a gentle person.A person he couldn’t bear to scare, and couldn’t bear to hurt.

Do you want to hurt her?My dad’s voice, and he was right. She was seventeen, and she was on her own path.

And today, she wasn’t looking at me.

Anyway, there was Frankie, too: the tension in her, and the fear. I had to pay attention to that. That was the point.

But Prudence wasn’t coming to the gate, and she wanted to leave. Everybody knew that.

Prudence had been Frankie’s closest sister in spirit, because they were alike. Independent. Outspoken. Bold at games, and brilliant at school. Unwomanly, the Prophet had said. You’d think he’d be glad to see them go. So why wasn’t she coming out?

Gray was holding the loud-hailer now, calling, “Prudence Worthy? We’re here for you. You’re sixteen today. Free to go.”

More silence, and then Daisy grabbed the loud-hailer and said, “Prudence. It’s Daisy. We’re all here. Me, and Frankie, and Oriana. We’re all out, and we’re happy. Come out and change your name. Come out and choose your life.”

Nothing, and we were all staring at each other. Finally, I said, “How did you get over that electric fence, Daisy, when you left?”

“Pulled it down carefully,” she said, “pinching the safe bits between my fingers, and staked it to the ground. At night, when nobody could see me.”

“Then,” I said, “let’s do it now, and I’ll go.”

Did I want to? Absolutely not. Did I need to? Absolutely.

“You can’t,” Daisy said. “They’ll call the police. You can be fined. You could get a record.”

I looked at Gray. “Going to stop employing me if I have a record?”

“No,” he said.

My dad said, “I’ll go with you.”

My mum said, “And so will I.”

Movement from beyond Frankie, and Oriana said, controlling her voice with what I could tell was an effort, “I’ll go. Prudence risked everythingto get Frankie free, and I knowshe wanted to come. She’s wanted to since she learnt Frankie and I were going. Frankie can’t go inside. It’s too hard. But I can.”

She didn’t look at me when she said it, and she didn’t look at my dad, either. Even a year in, she still seemed to have trouble looking at men. She’d always been a bit timid, in fact. How could she be offering to do this?

Because love was more important than fear, that was why, and in Oriana, love would always win.

“No,” Daisy said. “If anybody goes, it should be me.”

“You’ll do nothing but put their backs up,” my dad said. “And you’ve got a position to lose.”

“I don’t,” Gray said, “as I own the firm.”

“You’re an outsider,” my dad said. “We’re not. And I don’t think you should come,” he told my mum.

“You’re not going in there without me,” she said. My mum was normally quiet, like me, but when she was determined, there was no moving her. “You stay here, Oriana. You’re very nearly a child.”