Page 8

Brenden

I ’m glad that Audrey is back. I didn’t like her being so far from me—especially since I didn’t have any idea where she actually was. Wraith, Cassian, and Donovan might have, but they didn’t seem to want to share that information.

It was probably for the best. Storming the devil’s house wouldn’t have been the best idea.

Stepping around the others, I pull Audrey into my arms and bury my face in her neck.

Not only did I miss her, but Nex has been here the whole time since we returned to the underworld.

He tried to speak to me a few times, but Audrey’s other mates were having none of it. They allowed him to stay, but on the caveat that he left me alone. While I’ve felt his eyes on me the entire time, he hasn’t tried to speak to me since he was given the ultimatum.

That hasn’t made it any easier to be in the same room as him, but it is what it is.

This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve felt void of emotions, and it might not be the last. Audrey and I have spoken about how she feels, and I know all she feels is anguish with other emotions popping up for a moment or two before sinking beneath the cloud of gloom.

I felt the same way at first, but I also know how to turn off my emotions. It’s harder now that Audrey is in my life because I want to feel the love I have for her and the comradery that I feel with her other mates, but the misery I was in was sending me spiraling.

I found myself thinking about tearing Donovan’s throat out after he pulled Audrey away from me. And when I say thinking about, I mean I was imagining it in vivid imagery. My cock was hard at the thought of spilling all that blood.

I’m sure Monty, my old therapist, would say that’s unhealthy, but you know what else is unhealthy?

Killing another of Audrey’s mates. She would never forgive me for that, and I wouldn’t be able to hold it against her.

I’m not sure I would’ve been able to forgive myself.

It’s better to feel nothing than to risk hurting someone Audrey or I love.

Even with my ability to shut off my emotions, I still sense them there at the back of my mind. They’re heavy and overwhelming, fighting against the box I buried them inside. It won’t take much for them to spring free and send them rushing through me.

“Are you okay?” she asks, clinging to me just as hard as I’m holding her.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” I admit, just as quietly in return. “My emotions are contained. Yours, on the other hand, are not. We can make him leave.”

She sighs. “But then he’ll just come back, won’t he? Now that he knows there’s no curse?”

“You act as if we can’t hear you,” Nex says quietly, and I heave out a breath as I tear myself away from Audrey.

“So what if you can? The polite thing to do is to not listen,” I snarl, flashing him my fangs.

Another downfall to locking down my emotions is I’m a lot more bloodthirsty and a whole lot more impatient. I want to rip out his throat and end Audrey’s suffering, but she’d told her dad—fucking Lucifer—that she didn’t want him dead. I’m fairly certain that means I also can’t kill him.

Nex grimaces, dropping his gaze from us. “I know none of you want me here, but I need to talk to the two of you. I need you to understand—“

“Understand that now you want us?” Audrey shakes her head. “Honestly, I couldn’t care less. You left us after telling us you were going to stop fighting it. You broke us, and now you want us to let you back in? Did you really think it would be that easy?”

I hate hearing Audrey’s voice so devoid of emotion. She’s always been passionate about everything, and now, it’s almost like she lacks life. I could deal with the hurt he caused me if he hadn’t hurt her.

I might not want to admit that he broke me, but she’s right—he shattered both of us and now we’re forever changed.

Nex’s head drops as he lowers himself to his knees.

“I know I don’t deserve you—either of you—but I truly am sorry for how I handled everything.

If I would’ve just gone to Lucifer instead of punishing myself again for something I did lifetimes ago…

Just know I was hurting myself just as badly as I was hurting you. ”

“Doubtful,” Cassian all but snarls, surprising me. It’s clear the fallen angel loves our mate, but of all of us, he’s been the best at keeping his cool when dealing with Nex. I was too wrapped up in my obsession with him to see anything clearly.

All I wanted was to make him mine like Audrey was mine.

“I’m done fighting against the fated mate bonds with the two of you,” Nex continues as if Cassian never spoke.

“I’ll prove to both of you that I’m not going anywhere.

I don’t care if it takes thousands of years for you to forgive me—or even if you never forgive me—but I’m not going anywhere.

I’ll be whatever you need me to be. If you need me to be your whipping boy, I’ll gladly do so.

And when this war with the angels comes, I’ll be fighting at your side—where I belong, even if I don’t deserve it. ”

“And if all I want you to do is leave me alone? Then what, Nex?” Audrey brushes her hand against mine with a heavy sigh.

“I’m tired, and I’m going to bed. You should go home.

From the sounds of it, we’ll need all the help we can get in the coming war, so I won’t turn away your help with that.

But that doesn’t mean I want you around me.

It doesn’t mean I want to see you or even hear you. I want you to leave me alone.”

Without another glance at any of us, she heads upstairs.

Nex’s head follows her progression until he can no longer see her, then his head falls forward once more.

Deciding I don’t want anything to do with him right now either, I take a step toward the stairs, intending to follow my mate. His head snaps up, his eyes imploring me, and I fucking hate it.

“Please, Brenden,” he begs. “If you listen to me, then she will. I know I fucked up. I know I have a lot to make up for, but if she won’t even allow me to be around her, then I can’t do that. Help me, please. Let me make it up to you and to her.”

I shake my head. “Begging the other person you broke to help you is a little desperate, Nex. Until Audrey says otherwise, you’re to stay away from her.

Beseeching me to help you will not go the way you think it will.

Audrey’s the only person who matters in this situation.

What she says goes. Whatever decision she comes to, I’ll stand behind.

I won’t jeopardize my relationship with her for anything or anyone. That’s something you never understood.

“Without Audrey, there was never going to be anything between the two of us. When I still thought you were redeemable, I allowed things to grow between us, but I don’t care that we’re fated mates.

I don’t care that you rejected me. I care that you hurt her—that you broke her.

If she never forgives you, then neither will I.

Maybe try begging one of her other mates for help, but I don’t think you’ll find a warmer welcome with them. ”

Tears stream down Nex’s face, and I tilt my head as I watch him. I don’t think he’s faking, which is interesting but changes nothing.

“Please, Brenden…”

“No.” I march over to him, jerking his head up by the chin until he meets my eyes.

“You will stay away from Audrey and me. You won’t be given another chance to hurt her.

If she decides she wants you back, then and only then will I consider it.

She is my world, and you tried to break her.

There’s no world in which I can be okay with that. ”

Releasing him, I step back as he collapses to the floor, sobs wracking his body.

It’s kind of pathetic if you ask me .

I glance over my shoulder to find Cassian, Donovan, and Wraith watching me warily.

“I’m joining Audrey. I’ll run us a bath so she can relax, and then we’re going to sleep. Make sure he’s gone before you join us. I don’t trust him in the house while we’re sleeping.”

Wraith nods. “I’ll make sure it’s done.”

“Good.”

I don’t bother glancing at the sobbing incubus again as I stalk across the floor toward the stairs. The sounds follow me up the stairs, and I know I should care that I caused him pain, but I can’t.

Not only can’t I feel anything, but after the way he’s hurt Audrey, he deserves to hurt. He’ll be lucky if he makes it out of this alive if he continues to bother my firecracker with his presence.

She might not want him dead now, but that could change at any moment. I’ll gladly take care of him for her—fated mate or not, Audrey will always be my number one priority.

I might have told Nex that I would stand behind whatever decision she makes—and I will—if she chooses to forgive him, I don’t know if I can.

But that’s a worry for another day .

Now, I want to help my firecracker relax and unwind before bed. Everything else can wait until morning.