Page 12 of Kiss Her Goodbye

“Sure you do!Four weeks.That’s all I’m asking.Which is only two feedings for Marge, plus eight or so cricket sessions for the little dudes.Come on, surely you can handle a handful of brief interactions in return for a month of luxurious living.An entire guesthouse at your disposal.Access to the pool, car service with Daryl…”

“His name’s Daryl?He doesn’t look like a Daryl.”

“I know!I tried calling him D, but he doesn’t like that.”

“Why doesn’t he feed your snakes?”

“Daryl doesn’t like snakes.”

“I don’t like snakes!”

“Yeah, but I’m already paying him to drive, and apparently there’s only so much money the man needs.”

“Don’t you have friends—”

“My friends are gamers.You know what gamers do?”

I shake my head.

“Game, twenty-four seven.They can’t remember to feed themselves most of the time.No way I’m entrusting them with Petunia, let alone my babies.”

“You shouldn’t entrust me with your babies.I might rob you blind.”

“Nah, you’re not the type.”

“How do you know?”

“Daryl has a radar for these things.If he thought you were off, he wouldn’t have brought you home.”

“What is he, like your guard dog?”

“I tried calling him D-dog as well,” Bart says seriously.“But he didn’t go for that, either.Look, you’re gonna be fine.Wear the gloves first few times if you have to.Once you have some experience, you’ll see there’s nothing to worry about.Snakes are shy.They just want to hang out, do their thing.And they’re gorgeous, with distinct markings and individual personalities.Watch a little more, judge a little less.By the end of this month, you’ll have conquered one of your biggest terrors and gained a whole new appreciation for these amazing creatures.And had free lodging in one tripped-out pad to boot.I’m telling you, you got this—”

I open my mouth.

“Great,” Bart states.“Knew you’d see it my way.So, like, I already have a pilot firing up my jet on the runway.Got questions about anything, ask Daryl.See you in a month.Oh, by the way, Marge needs to be fed like tomorrow night.Date’s marked on the corner of the aquarium.”

He whirls toward the snake room door.

“Wait!”

I need to say so many things.Should ask so many things.What comes out isn’t what I expect.“Why is it so important Petunia stay out of this room?”

“Oh.Marge would try to eat her.”

“Isn’t Marge locked in the terrarium?”

“Another fun fact about snake-rearing: never trust the terrarium lids.”

Then Bart is bolting out the door.After a last look at massively coiled, pale-colored Marge, I scramble after him.

CHAPTER 4

IFOLLOWDARYL THROUGH THE COMPOUND,rolling my suitcase and too stupefied to speak.The residence seems to go on forever, a giant U or square or what the hell, an infinity symbol for all I can figure out.Lots of stone fireplaces, dark-stained beams, yawning ceilings, and pouring sunlight.The air-conditioning costs alone must be astronomical.

“You a herper?”Daryl asks abruptly.

I focus my attention on the enormous driver, moving soundlessly ahead of me across the tiled floor.Boxer, I’m guessing, given how light he is on his feet.The rest of him is harder for me to compute.His swarthy complexion could belong to any number of ethnicities, while his dark, silver-streaked hair places his age anywhere over forty.His voice, on the other hand, deep and whiskey-soaked, sounds straight out of a jazz club.Which would match the stubby ponytail at the nape of his neck and diamond stud in one ear.