Page 30 of Kingdoms of Tides and Twilight (A World of Sun and Shadow #2)

G rayden woke before Renya, deeply concerned about her reaction the night before. He hated himself for making her feel that way. He hadn't known he would have access to her thoughts like that. He felt her sadness, and the second his mind questioned the change in her mood, it was as if her brain answered for him. Though purely accidental, he sensed it was a huge breach of trust.

Unsure what to do, Grayden stared at Renya, finally asleep beside him, and felt panic rush over him. He had felt confident in their love, certain he wouldn't lose her again, but now he was terrified. What if this wasn't what she wanted? He was aware that she was having trouble adjusting to everything, but this seemed to be the final straw. Fates, he wished he could stop it. Or bear the weight for her. It was what he was best at, wasn't it? Taking on the burdens others couldn't shoulder?

Renya stirred next to him, and he brought his hand down to stroke her hair, hoping to keep her under for a little while longer. She had tossed and turned against his side for a good chunk of the night. She’d cried, clung to him, and then pushed him away, only to seek him out again and mew against his chest. It had been a long night for both of them, full of uncertainty and confusion. Yet through it all, he still felt their connection. That was something, at least.

He stared up at the stone ceiling, unsure of what to do. Maybe Esmeralda would know of something—

Renya's hands hesitantly reached out and touched him on the shoulder, bringing his thoughts back down from the ceiling. He turned to face her and watched her throat move as she took a deep breath. Grayden waited, not wanting to say anything to upset her.

“I feel like I should apologize.” She tipped her eyelashes down, avoiding eye contact. “But I'm struggling with it. I think my reaction was justified.”

“There is absolutely nothing to apologize for.” He scooped his hands under her chin and brought her face up to the light peeking through the curtains. “I understand what a shock it was for you. How hard all of these revelations must be. You don't ever need to apologize to me for the way you feel. They are your feelings. You're allowed to have them. I'm here to support you in whatever way I can.”

Her lip trembled and he ran his thumb gently over it. “Hush, my Little Fawn. It's okay. You know I hate your tears. But if you need to cry, at least let me hold you.”

“I'm crying now because I feel so guilty. I feel awful for feeling the way I do. You are the most caring, kindest man I've ever met, and I feel like a brat for being angry at you.” She scrambled into his lap, covered by the soft white sheets.

“Please don't feel guilty. I mean it. This isn't just some short-term relationship, Renya. We are in this for the long haul. There are going to be times when I make you angry, and I'm sure you will talk back to me or put yourself in danger and make me fume—but it doesn't matter. This—” he held his hand to her heart—”is forever.”

She nodded, unable to say anything else. Grayden held her to him for a long while, smoothing her hair and humming tenderly against her ear. He could feel her body relax, her head landing against his shoulder. After a few more minutes, she drifted back off to sleep. The stress her body was under was starting to wear on her, and he was concerned. Grayden shifted her back to her side of the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Placing a gentle kiss along her jaw, he got out of bed and dressed. He'd go find Kalora and suggest they take the morning off from training, and then he'd find Renya something to eat.

Grayden was just about to enter the dining hall when he heard a loud commotion coming from the direction of the throne room. Pulling his sword from his back and grabbing the dagger from his boot, he sprinted ahead, ready to attack and defend.

He burst into the room, only to find Jurel and Selenia. His jaw dropped. “Jurel, what are you doing here?”

Selenia pushed Jurel towards Grayden. “It doesn't matter, he's leaving.” She gave him another shove towards the door. Jurel spun back towards her.

“I might not want a family or a wife, but I want to be with you.”

Selenia's eyes flashed red. Grayden had never seen her so angry before. Her cheeks were ashen and somehow she towered over both of them, even though she was barely over five feet tall. The look she gave Jurel could melt a glacier, and Grayden was glad not to be on the receiving end of it.

“I mean it,” she hissed, about to push him again. “I no longer care what you want. I'm not willing to sacrifice my hopes for the future because you're too chicken to get married and have a family. Trust me, I'll find someone else, and you'll be alone. Now go back to the mountain camp. We're finished.”

When Jurel didn't make a move to leave, Selenia stormed out of the throne room and down the hall. Grayden could hear her stomp away, and he had no idea how her footsteps could be so loud for someone so small. He glanced at Jurel, both embarrassed and angry.

“I think you should go,” he said to his friend. “My sister is right. If you aren't serious about your intentions towards her, you need to leave her alone. You're no longer part of her guard. Instead, I'm assigning you to the mountain camp, permanently.”

Jurel bowed his head, not even bothering to look Grayden in the eye as he swept out of the room, his thick fur cloak sweeping the ground.

Grayden released a long breath, feeling the tension leave his body. He couldn't believe Jurel rode all the way here. To what? To tell Selenia again he didn't want a family or a wife? He wished he would have put a stop to their relationship sooner. He also wished it had been Renya to intercede here. Perhaps she could have melted the tension and helped the pair figure out how to end things on more pleasant terms. But for better or worse, it seemed like things were over for Jurel and Selenia. While he hated the idea of the pair of them, he felt sorry for his little sister. She was sweet and pure of heart, and he knew this would hurt her deeply. But he was also fiercely proud of the way she handled herself. She stood up for what she wanted, and didn't give in to Jurel. Renya would be proud of her, too.

He stepped into the dining room, expecting to see Kalora. Instead, Julietta was eating alone. She looked up as soon as she saw him enter.

“Why Prince Grayden, I'm sorry, you've just missed my mother. She went out to the training yard.”

“That's fine, could you relay a message to her? Just let her know Renya is indisposed from the training yesterday and I think it's better if we skip the morning session and meet this afternoon.”

“Of course,” Julietta said, concern for Renya clouding her face.

“Thank you.” He walked briskly out of the room before finding a maid and requesting that breakfast be brought up to their chambers.

By the time he returned, Renya was dressed. Her hair was still damp from her bath, and she was braiding it. She paused when he walked in, her engagement ring sparkling on her finger. Grayden supposed it was a good sign that she still wore it.

“Where did you go?” Renya asked, securing the end of the braid with one of his mother's snow clips. She was dressed in another one of the trouser-gown hybrids Doria made for her. At first, the idea of her in trousers mortified him, but the more he saw her in them, the more arousing he found it. This pair hugged her legs tightly, a rich forest green color. The skirt was long and flowing, but parted down the middle so she could move easily. A tight bodice pressed her breasts up, and he could just see the top of her flesh. She wore the aragonite necklace Esmeralda gifted her, but his eyes dipped past it for a second and he saw the handle of the dagger in between her cleavage, and he felt his arousal growing. Fates. His Renya, dressed for war. He didn't know why the thought enticed him so, but her strength was sexy to him. He had trouble taking his eyes off of her long enough to respond to her question.

“I went to get us breakfast.”

“Is it invisible?” she asked, gesturing towards his empty hands.

“No, it's on its way,” he said, lips tugging up into a grin. Then he remembered what happened in the throne room and he quickly grimaced.

“What's wrong?” Renya asked, no doubt feeling dread and embarrassment through the bond.

“I heard arguing coming from the throne room. Jurel was there, quarreling with Selenia.”

Renya's mouth dropped in shock. “Jurel came all the way here?”

Grayden nodded. “He said he wanted to be with her. But he wouldn't give her any kind of commitment.” He tried to say the words nonchalantly, but it still embarrassed him. She was his baby sister, after all.

“What did she say?”

“Honestly, she told him off,” Grayden said, the pride evident in his voice. “She said she wasn't going to compromise for him, and told him to leave.”

“Wow. I'm proud of her.”

“Me too. I was worried she was delicate and unable to take care of herself, but she's grown into a strong woman. I think you've had a lot to do with that, Renya.”

Renya deflected the praise. “Absolutely not. I've only spent a few weeks with her. You and Phillippe did a good job showing her what strength looks like. I know you felt ill-equipped to deal with a young girl, but she's turned out quite well.”

“Thank you, Renya, that means a lot. Especially coming from a woman like you.”

She smiled, and Grayden felt his heart lighten considerably. There didn't seem to be any anger or hostility left in her. He wondered if he should broach the subject or leave it alone. However, she decided to mention it first.

“Grayden, I'd like to explain myself, if you'll let me.”

“There is no need. But if you want to tell me something—anything—I'll always listen.”

“Okay. Thank you. I think I might have overreacted a bit yesterday. Having you hear and see my thoughts just…freaked me out a bit. I felt like my mind had been violated—”

“I'm so sorry—”

“Please, just let me finish. I've had to adjust to a lot since coming here, I don't need to tell you all the things I've learned and all the things that have changed in my life since falling through the portal. Some have been really good, and others have been scary for me. But the reason I think I was so freaked out was because of what happened in the nightmare dungeon. I know we don't talk about it, but my mind was manipulated the entire time I was down there, and that fact alone was almost as horrifying as the things I kept dreaming about. Having you in my head, it just brought back all those feelings. I know it's irrational, but I was mad at you too. I know it's not your fault but…” she trailed off.

“You hurt the ones you love,” he said. “I'm a safe place to direct your anger. You know we're bound for eternity, and I won't leave you no matter what. I'm the safest place and the safest recipient for your anger.”

She nodded. “It doesn't make it right though, and I am sorry for that.”

He looked up at her, his eyes deep as a well and reflective as a mirror. “There's no need—but if you need to hear it, you're forgiven. You're forgiven everything.”