Page 50 of Kingdom of Chaos (Creatures of Chaos #2)

Thirty-One

We conclude the meeting with a plan to lure Kerrim to Central Park in two weeks, giving me at least a little time to learn how to better tap into my new powers, and allowing the Order to gather their forces and plan an offensive against Kerrim and his followers.

Tobias gives us a wide berth as he leaves, but Violet shyly comes over to tell us she’s glad we made it and found our friend.

I thank her for her help and introduce her to Becks.

She tucks a piece of lavender hair behind her ear and offers him a small smile, her cheeks going a little pink as she says hello.

Becks, ever the charmer, flashes her a warm grin and thanks her for everything she’s done.

I catch the way her eyes flick to the floor before daring another glance up at him.

I bite back a grin, more amused than anything. Becks has that effect on females.

When the rest of the Order members disperse, most returning to the NYC headquarters to continue preparations, my friends and I stay behind in the empty warehouse to train.

At first, everyone hangs around, but I find the crowd too distracting, so Ensley, Titus, and Imogen trickle out one by one.

Becks refuses to go with them. I’m used to him watching me train and spar at the gym, but this feels different.

I struggle to access my magic with his eyes on me, and even Talon seems off.

Eventually, I convince Becks to meet up with the others and help prepare for the eventual confrontation.

He’s reluctant to leave and makes a show of giving me a long hug and a kiss on the nose before he goes.

I expect Talon to return to normal once it’s just the two of us, but something still isn’t syncing between us like it usually does.

I’m not sure if it’s him or me. Even so, he manages to coax the wind and water magic out of me, and begins teaching me how to make the shadows semi-corporeal—which, incidentally, is what he did the first time we met, when it felt like a snake was sliding up my calf at Sloan’s diner.

Progress is slow, and I can’t shake the feeling that it should be happening faster. Something is blocking me. Or maybe blocking us. We’re six hours into training when I finally have enough.

“What is it?” I ask. “Just tell me.”

Talon tilts his head slightly. “What are you talking about?”

“We’ve been off. The whole day. Honestly, it’s a miracle we’ve made the progress we have.

But in two weeks, I have to face arguably the most powerful creature in both this world and ours.

So if there’s an issue here causing this disconnect between us, just say it.

Get it off your chest so we can move past it. ”

He studies me in silence for a few beats, his lips pressed in a firm line and his arms crossed over his chest. The longer he stares, the harder it is not to shift under the weight of his gaze.

At last, he shakes his head. “It’s nothing,” he says, turning to retrieve the loose brick we’ve been using to practice my wind magic.

Frustrated, I stomp over and catch his arm. He pauses, then slowly turns back to me with a sigh.

“It’s not worth talking about,” he says. “We have more important things to focus on right now.”

“Yes, I agree. But this,” I say, gesturing between us, “isn’t working right now, and it’s affecting my ability to train.”

“That’s all in your head, Locklyn.”

Locklyn. Not Freckles.

My eyes narrow. I notice, again, that Talon can’t quite meet my gaze.

“Is this about Becks?” I ask, and that finally gets his attention. He looks straight at me for the first time. “You’ve been acting off ever since we got him back.”

He just stares, silent. The longer he doesn’t answer, the heavier the silence becomes, until it presses against my chest and I start to babble.

“Because I know we still need to talk about . . . stuff. And things with Becks aren’t really clear right now.

But then there’s also this something that’s here,” I say, and Talon’s eyebrows rise as I continue to word vomit.

“And I don’t know what to do with it. Or what it even is.

Like, are we trauma bonded with sparkly side effects?

I don’t even know anymore, and it’s distracting, and I’m pretty sure I almost set my own pants on fire trying to summon fire magic earlier, so clearly it’s affecting me. ”

Locklyn. Shut up.

I clamp my mouth shut, my cheeks burning as I wish I could shove the words back down my throat.

A small smirk tugs at the corner of Talon’s mouth. “Feeling guilty?”

I throw my hands up. “Yes, of course I feel guilty. None of this would’ve happened to Becks if he hadn’t been trying to protect me. In fact, we should both feel guilty.”

He crosses his arms. “All right, I’ll bite. What exactly should I be feeling remorse over?”

“We’re both to blame for Becks being stuck in the human world.”

Talon arches an eyebrow. “And we’ve both sacrificed plenty to get him back, so my conscience is clear on that front.” He pins me with a knowing look. “But let’s be honest, that’s not what’s really bothering you.”

“What are you talking about?”

He steps closer, and the energy between us shifts. Heat prickles across my skin, my pulse skipping in my throat, throwing me off-balance. The space between us feels suddenly too small, so I take a step back, needing the room to breathe.

“This is what I’m talking about,” he says, giving me a knowing look. “You think you’re betraying Becks because of what’s growing between us.”

I freeze, caught off guard. I didn’t expect Talon to go there. To peel back the layers and expose the one thing I’ve been too afraid to name, even to myself.

“That’s not true,” I say, even though it might be.

“Isn’t it though?” he challenges.

Flustered, I take a step back, but Talon closes the distance again, reclaiming the space I tried to create. He steps in even closer.

“That’s not what this is about,” I argue, but he scoffs.

“You can keep telling yourself that if you want, but deep down, you know it’s a lie.”

Is he right? Maybe. I don’t know. Everything feels tangled.

“I love Becks,” I say, needing to ground myself in something I still believe is true. And needing him to hear it too.

Instead of hardening like I expect, Talon’s face unexpectedly softens, and he sighs. “I don’t deny that you do,” he says, gently. “But sometimes love changes.”

I rear back and hit the brick wall, startled to find I’ve backpedaled across the entire room. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Talon meets my gaze without flinching. “That Becks was your first love, but not your forever love.”

His words hit like a slap, and part of me recoils.

Heat flares in my chest, fueled by a rush of defensiveness. Things with Becks might be complicated right now, as they are with Talon too, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up.

Not on him. Not on us. Not after everything we’ve fought through just to be here.

“Why would you think that?” I ask, warring within myself over whether the anger rising in me is directed at Talon or myself.

Talon exhales slowly. “Becks is a good guy,” he says, and the unexpected admission throws me off.

“In a different life, I might even like him. Might have wanted to be his friend. But I’m not going to stand by and watch him stifle your potential or diminish your strength in the name of protecting you. ”

“That’s not what Becks is doing,” I shoot back, more defensive than I mean to be. Still, Talon’s words hit deeper than I want to admit.

“Isn’t it though?” he asks, his eyes seeing too much.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect someone.”

Talon gives me a sad smile. “There is when it means you don’t let them walk on their own two feet. When you refuse to see or acknowledge how strong they are.”

I want to snap back at Talon. To defend Becks the way I always do. But too much of what he’s saying rings true. Isn’t that the very disappointment I’ve been trying to ignore? Not just in the past day, but all the way back during the Chaos trials?

If I’m honest, the lack of support has been gnawing at me for a while now, like a slow-acting poison, stealing what used to be beautiful between us and turning it into resentment. But I didn’t want to admit it. Because it’s Becks. My best friend. The guy I’ve loved for as long as I can remember.

I kept telling myself I could get past it. Or at least bury it. That maybe Becks would change, especially after learning I had powers. But even today, when he tried to drag me out of that meeting, he proved he hasn’t. And maybe he never will.

Talon’s quiet, but his blue-gray gaze holds me—gentle, steady, and seeing more than I want him to.

“That’s not what you need in a partner,” he says.

“You don’t need to be coddled, set on a shelf or a pedestal to be looked at or fawned over.

You need to be challenged and treated as an equal, not just a pretty object to be protected.

You want someone who understands your strength and stands with you, not someone who’s too afraid you’ll break to let you learn how to fly. ”

But I feel like I’m about to break. Not because I was wrong before. Wanting to protect someone isn’t a flaw. But Talon’s right too. That kind of love isn’t enough for me anymore.

I don’t need someone to shield me.

I need someone who sees me.

Talon lifts a hand to my face. His thumb brushes gently against my cheek, wiping away a tear I hadn’t even realized had fallen.

“I see you,” he says as he moves closer, cradling my head between both his hands so my entire view is filled with him and him alone.

“I see someone who’s stronger than she knows.

Who fights even when she’s breaking. I see fire.

I see loyalty. I see someone who terrifies me in the best way, because she never backs down.

Not from her pain, and not from her power.

But I also see the cracks you try to hide.

The fear you don’t speak out loud. And I still see you as the bravest soul I know. ”