Page 50 of King of Pain (Damaged Hearts #1)

I Won’t Hold You Back

Chance

My muscles pull tight as I blink against the morning light filtering in through the floor-to-ceiling windows. The bed beneath me is absurdly comfortable, the sheets crisp and cool—because of course they are. This place is luxury, through and through.

The Doves really went all out.

After three years of isolation in that rickety cabin with barely functional plumbing and no modern amenities, they figured I deserved something nice. And Murph? He made damn sure it was top tier.

But the location? That was all me.

I already knew where Ant worked. Cutting ties wasn’t enough to keep him safe while I was gone.

I needed to have eyes on him. I had to know he was alive and well, with regular updates coming to the burner phone.

It’s not my fault he chose to work in a building surrounded by new condo developments.

That was practically an invitation to find a luxury unit for sale right next door.

Really, it couldn’t be helped.

I push myself upright, rubbing a hand over my face before letting my gaze wander around the sleek, modern bedroom. Everything is polished, high-end. Expensive. But all I see is how empty it is. Particularly the space next to me in this bed.

With a deep breath, I swing my legs over the side of the bed, standing and stretching again before tugging on a pair of boxer briefs. The hardwood is cool beneath my feet as I pad out into the main living space, the open floor plan sprawling out before me.

The kitchen, with its marble countertops and stainless-steel appliances, gleams in the morning light. I head straight for the fancy coffee machine sitting on the counter and pop in a pod, pressing the button to start the brew.

As I wait, I lean against the counter, arms crossed, and huff a soft laugh.

Mornings used to be beautifully chaotic.

Ant whirling around the kitchen, making breakfast like he was single-handedly fueling the entire city with his energy. Little G weaving between our feet, waiting for scraps. The way Ant would hum under his breath, completely unaware of how much I loved watching him exist.

My chest hollows the way it always does when I think about living without them.

I have missed them more than I have the capability to process.

And now, to be this close?

It’s fucking torture.

If Ant won’t give me the chance to explain, I hope he’ll at least let me see Guinness. That little guy had no idea why I just… disappeared.

I wish they both knew the reasons I had to.

I’m going to fight for them. For him. When he finally knows the truth, Ant will understand that everything I did was for him. He has to. But if he doesn’t—if this is beyond repair—I won’t stand in his way. I won’t hold him back from the life he deserves. Even if that life doesn’t include me.

The machine beeps, pulling me from my thoughts.

I grab my phone off the counter while the coffee drips into my mug and smirk as I remember the moment Murph handed it to me when I left the cabin.

He decided to surprise me and fly out to the cabin and make the trek with me back to Phoenix.

His sister lives here now, so it was a good excuse to check on her.

“Welcome back to the twenty-first century, caveman,” he had joked, tossing it at me after I finished saying goodbye to Vinnie.

I swipe up and open my messages, my eyes landing on the text I sent myself from Ant’s phone last night.

Smugness lines the smile that tugs at my lips as I type out a message.

Good morning, Beautiful.

I set my phone down and grab the cream and drop a splash in my coffee before taking a slow sip.

Then I pick the phone back up and type again.

You may not be ready, and you can ignore me, but now that I'm able to, I'm going to text you good morning and goodnight every single day. And I'll never stop calling you Beautiful. Deal with it.

I hit send and take another drink, the warmth of the coffee doing little to ease the want still coiled inside me.

Fuck it.

I can’t help myself.

I type one more message.

You're even more beautiful now, you know that? It was always hard to breathe in your presence. But last night? Seeing you again? It threatened to suffocate me completely, Ant.

I exhale slowly, my fingers tapping against the mug as I stare at the screen.

Then I lock my phone and set it down before I text him again.

I lean against the counter and let my mind drift back to last night.

He was always beautiful. But last night?

Fuck . It wasn’t just that he was a little older—it was the way he carried himself now.

There was a confidence, a self-assurance in the way he stood, in the way he spoke.

Even in his anger, he had this controlled fire, this presence that demanded attention. And hewore it well.

And his body? Jesus fucking Christ.

I figured he would’ve kept in shape—he was a college athlete, after all.

But he wasn’t playing football anymore, and yet somehow, he looked better .

More defined. More powerful. His muscles were fucking everywhere .

Broad shoulders, thick biceps stretching against his sleeves, that tapered waist, those long, sculpted legs.

And let’s not forget those hazel eyes with flecks of kryptonite that emit a million emotions with one glance. It’s my undoing every time I look into them.

I smirk to myself.He’s definitely been hitting the gym hard.

Which reminds me—I need to do the same.

Three years in isolation gave me plenty of time to work out, and with nothing but the mountain and manual labor as my equipment, I packed on more muscle than I ever had before.

But if I don’t get back into a proper routine, I’ll lose all of it.

And there’s no fuckingwayI’m letting that happen.

Not when I know exactly how much Ant loves my ass and thighs.

A sharp exhale passes my lips as heat flares low in my stomach.

Not the time for that, Sullivan.

But fuck Iwanthis hands on my ass again. And I need his cock inside me finally.

Shaking off the thoughts before I spiral too hard, I finish my coffee and head to the bedroom. Digging through my drawers, I pull out a fitted tank and some gym shorts, the kind that ride up just enough to show offexactlywhere I want Ant’s hands.

I smirk at myself in the mirror.

Manifestation is real, right?

Grabbing my keys and phone, I sling the bag over my shoulder and head out the door, locking up behind me.

There’s a gym a few blocks away that looked promising when I scouted the area. Time to get back in the game.

Walking into Mountainside Fitness, I huff a laugh at the irony of the name.

Mountainside Fitness? Please. They should come see what mountainside fitness really looks like—hauling fallen trees from a creek, chopping wood, steep climbs to mountain peaks just to look for civilization. That’s a real workout.

I make my way to the front desk, where a bored-looking girl barely glances up from her phone. “Hi, I’m interested in getting a membership,” I say when she doesn't bother to greet me.

She blinks, then picks up the desk phone and presses a button. “Kai, front desk. New member inquiry.”

A few moments later, a sassy looking twink saunters up, eyeing me from head to toe like I’m a steak fresh off the grill.

“Well, hello there,” he says, voice smooth and flirtatious.

“I’m Kai—and you must be here to maintain all of…

that,” he adds, his hand sweeping over my body to emphasize his point.

Kai is tiny—I’d say 5’7” and a buck thirty at most—with perfect brown skin, sleek black hair styled to perfection, and rich brown eyes that seem to take in every detail of my body with each blink.

“Chance,” I introduce myself, shaking his hand.

He squeezes a little longer than necessary before letting go. “Oh, you definitely look like a chance I’d like to take.”

I raise a brow, amused, but say nothing. This is going to be a long tour.

He launches into it, gesturing dramatically at every piece of equipment like he’s unveiling a grand prize.

And yeah, he’s got a great smile, an easy confidence, and a flirtation level turned up to maximum, but he’s wasting his breath.

Not only is my heart spoken for, but I need someone who can throw me around.

Thinking about being thrown around makes my brain spiral straight to Ant—his solid frame, those biceps, how easily he could handle me if I ever got the chance to let him.

Fuck. I quickly redirect my thoughts before I throw a boner in the middle of the gym while wearing these tiny ass shorts.

Kai will definitely think it’s because of him and I’ll have to find a new gym entirely.

I cut the tour short, clapping Kai on the shoulder. “I know my way around a gym. Is there somewhere we can sit and go over the membership options?”

Kai pouts but nods, leading me to his office.

He pulls up a chair, sitting with a little flourish as he pulls out some paperwork.

“So, Chance, what are your fitness goals? Are we looking to bulk up even more? Stay lean and mean? Or do you just want an excuse to hang out with me every day? You don’t need a membership for that. You could just ask me out.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “I’m flattered, Kai, really. But I have a boyfriend.”

Kai sighs dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. “Of course, you do. The hot ones always do.”

I smirk to myself. Boyfriend. Manifesting again.

After wrapping up my membership, I throw my bag in a locker, grab a sweat towel, and hop on a treadmill to warm up. The steady rhythm of my feet hitting the belt helps center me, and my thoughts drift to what’s next.

I need a job.

I won’t ever do runs for The Doves again—that part of my life is over.

But I won’t turn my nose up at a connection.

Murph’s sister runs one of the art galleries downtown.

There’s an associate paid internship opportunity there, and after spending three years painting in isolation, I want to continue.

I fell in love with painting more than any other medium—the way colors blend and clash, the way a single brushstroke can transform an empty space into something alive, the way a canvas can convey emotion when words fail.

Over those three years, I bled emotion onto every blank surface the hired runner dropped at the cabin, pouring out everything I couldn’t say.

I kept the ones that mattered, the ones that hold the most important part of me.

I’m just waiting for the shipment to arrive.

Yeah. That’s the plan.

I’ll investigate that internship. And then maybe, if he’ll let me, I’ll get to show Ant exactly what I see when I look at him.