Page 24

Jason

Eve’s body goes limp under my hand, and I caress her cheek before laying her down on the couch. Her hair is like fire, pouring around her face and down the pitch-black upholstery beneath her, and I swear I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.

As I turn towards the small linen closet in the adjacent hallway, I find myself repeating her words over and over in my head.

Your sense of love is twisted, Jace, just like you are.

I snarl at the stack of blankets and pull a soft green one from the stack, slamming the door as I pivot back towards the couch. As I drape the blanket over Eve, a pang of regret hits me like a knife.

This beautiful creature let me inside her mind, let me free her and release her onto the world, and trusted me with all of her secrets. She opened up to me completely, and in return all I had done was selfishly make demands.

Maybe I am a monster. Maybe I AM unworthy of her love.

Pulling a chair from the kitchen, I drag it across the floor and sit next to her, watching the subtle rise and fall of her chest and feeling my own breathing match her pace. Digging my elbows into my knees, I rest my head in my hands as I brainstorm a thousand ways to apologize to her when she wakes.

“Jace?”

Eve’s voice is faint and hoarse, and I can barely look at her. Keeping my face buried in my palms, I grunt softly in acknowledgement.

“Look at me.”

I shake my head, sliding my hands to the back of my neck and aggressively kneading the muscles. Listening to the sound of her shifting on the couch, I feel a gentle touch on my knee.

Inhaling sharply, I finally raise my head and look at Eve. Her one hand is on my leg, her other is rubbing her neck, massaging the bruised tissue where my hand grabbed her earlier. My shoulders sag as I scan her face, pale and filled with sadness. Sadness, and an emotion I can’t yet decipher.

I reach down to touch her hand, and she recoils from me instantly.

“Eve, I am so sorry…I don’t…I just felt…”

A heavy sigh escapes me as I cock my head, searching for the right words–ANY words–to help ease the tension between us.

“I don’t know what came over me,” I finally muster, the weight of my words falling before me like stones to the floor. “When you said you didn’t want to move in–that I was twisted–I was afraid. When I heard your words, I saw and felt nothing except the possibility of losing you…of losing what we have. I didn’t know what else to do. I lost control. And I am so, so sorry.”

Eve remains silent and her face expressionless as she listens to my apology without interruption. Her jaw feathers as she forces a swallow, wincing slightly as she tries to hide the pain.

“I know what it’s like,” she finally mutters, her voice low and quiet. “I know what it is to feel so strongly about someone, about something. It’s how I felt about you.”

I nod slightly, my mouth forming a tight line as I remember the unexplainable passion we feel when we’re together, the feeling of seeing my soul in another person. And I find myself questioning whether or not she had felt the same.

“There has always been a connection between us,” I say softly, “but I can’t help but to wonder if what you feel is the same as what I feel for you. I don’t know if you really do love ME, or if you love the idea of us.”

I lean in towards her and she inches backwards; my heart stops as I realize what that hidden emotion was.

Fear. She was afraid of me.

In the heat of my outburst, it didn’t occur to me how my assault would’ve awakened all of the emotions she felt the day she was attacked on her driveway. The sense of panic she must’ve felt as my hands were wrapped around her throat. Me, the one person who was there to save her from those who would try to hurt her, now turning on her.

I crossed an unforgivable line. And I don’t know how I’m ever going to redeem myself in her eyes.

Eve remains silent, watching me, as if she can see the realization of my behavior blanket my face. Sitting up on the couch, she brings her knees to her chest and hugs them tightly.

“I do feel the same, Jace. The minute you revealed yourself to me, the truth of who you are and what you do, I accepted it. Because you were willing to do the same with me. Love has never come easy to me, and after losing my father, I wasn’t ready to risk getting my heart broken again. I wasn’t ready to risk losing someone I love. And I DO love you. Which is why I wanted to take things slower, to enjoy each other without the need to put labels or timelines on anything.”

Lying her head on her knees, she peers at me through tendrils of hair, and I sit back in my chair, giving her space and contemplating her words.

“You said that I was focused on what I wanted, and not thinking about you.” The words are a bitter truth, leaving a harsh taste in my mouth. “So tell me what it is you want, what it is YOU need from me. Tell me what I can do to make this better.”

Her copper locks fall back as she lifts her head, biting her lip with a small sigh.

“I need space. I love you, more than anything, and I want to be with you. But after what happened, I just need a little time. I need to sort myself out, and figure out what it is I really want.”

I nod at her, fighting the urge to discuss it further. If she didn’t feel hesitant beforehand, she definitely does now, and I have no choice but to respect her wishes, her need for solitude.

“Well I’ll be here, whatever you need,” I say, standing from my chair and bringing it back towards the kitchen before turning to look at her. This beautiful, dangerous woman, who is now left cowering on the couch because of me.

“I’m going to go for a drive. You’re welcome to stay, go, whatever you want to do. Just please know there aren’t enough words to express my regret at what happened, and I hope you can forgive me.”

Eve looks at me, the green of her eyes softening as the fear leaves her face, and for a second I swear I see the shadow of a smile curl at the corners of her lips.