Page 8 of Karma’s a Beach

Loren—who we all affectionately refer to as Lolo—was always making jokes.

Always.

She never took anything seriously, and if it weren’t for her, that assignment might have turned into something boring. I always considered her the female version of Matt—without the whole man-whoring dick thing going on—and she constantly reminds us all not to take things too seriously.

And Vanessa? Well, she’s an old soul and I swear she was mothering us even back then. She made sure we read everything in a timely manner, wrote our reviews honestly, and performed our skit in a way that would make our parents proud.

Yes, she actually said that at age eleven.

Then there was me. I was quiet and reserved—a people-watcher. I still am to a certain extent. I didn’t mind putting in the work, but I loved watching how the four of us were putting it all together.

That project brought us together, our love of books was one of the things that kept us together, and the bonds we have now after all these years are why we’re still together. I couldn’t imagine my world without these women in it.

“Are we going to get to hear the eulogy before the funeral or do we have to wait and hear it with everyone else?” Roxie asked. “I’m fine either way, but I kind of like the element of surprise.”

Loren huffs loudly, slamming her hand on the table for emphasis. “Don’t tell her that! How am I supposed to know how to react? What if she says something that makes me want to…you know…laugh even though it’s not supposed to be funny?”

“I don’t think anything’s going to make you laugh out loud,” I assure her. “I went for simplicity.”

“Even though you wanted to go for the jugular, right?” The wink Loren gives me tells me how well she knows me.

“How awkward would it be if I said how I really felt?” I ask no one in particular.

“I would come off looking like a lunatic if I talked about the cheating, the drinking, the drugs, the total lack of remorse! I’m sure everyone knows a different version of Matt, but I had to go with the generic out of respect.

Mrs. Serrano is suffering enough. No need for me to add to it by being spiteful. ”

“Okay, but…you and Matt had made peace with each other,” Van reminds me. “What happened between the two of you is ancient history. You were kids, for crying out loud. In the end, you were friends.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I carefully say, staring into my coffee. “We were friendly. It just made things easier for…you know…everyone.”

They all stare blankly at me.

“We were all like…this group,” I explain.

“And I was the reason we all couldn’t hang out for a while.

I moved away and I know that helped and made things less awkward, but I knew if I wanted to come home and see everyone, I was going to have to deal with being around Matt.

” I shrug. “We had a decent talk and he apologized for a lot of stuff—but not all of it—and it was just easier to be okay with everything.”

“But you weren’t?” Roxie asks. “We all thought you were fine.”

“I was. Sort of.”

Gasps and jaw drops abound.

“Look, I can’t help it, okay? Yes, we were just kids, but I was really in love with Matt back then and he not only broke my heart, but thought it was funny!

It was devastating and you all know that.

His apology was fine, but I wasn’t dumb enough to believe he actually meant it.

He never took anything seriously. I just got to a point where I was tired of being the one left out. ”

“Okay, but to be fair, you literally moved away, Liv,” Loren tells me. “And maybe you feel like we weren’t being loyal to you because we all stayed friends with him, but…you never told us not to be.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say they should have just known, but that would sound childish, and this whole situation is all that and more.

“It’s ancient history,” I say mildly. “I’m going to this funeral and I’m going to give my speech and I’m going to honor Matt’s memory and move on.”

No one looks convinced.

“What? I’m serious. I just want this day to be over with so I can move on and we can leave for the beach!

” Now is the perfect time to switch gears.

“Are we leaving today or waiting until tomorrow? It’s only a three-hour drive, so technically we could leave right from the funeral. Is that what we’re doing?”

I look directly at Vanessa since it’s her family’s house we’re going to and I figure all the plans are basically up to her.

“Um…sure!” she says, but her smile seems forced. “We need to be at the funeral home by one and I’m guessing we could potentially be on the road by four, but…is it worth getting to the house that late?”

“Late? Van, if we stuck to that schedule, we’d get there at seven.

It’s June and the sun doesn’t set until almost nine.

I’m not seeing a problem with it.” I glance at Roxie and Loren, but they’re both focused on their breakfast. “You know, I’m sure you have everything planned, so you just tell me where I need to be and when, and I’ll be there. ”

Vanessa visibly relaxes. “Okay. Good. Because the plan was to leave early tomorrow morning and…

Someone’s phone rings and we all look around for a moment before Loren grins and announces it’s hers. “It’s Mike. I need to take this. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Loren and Mike have been together since eighth grade. They finally got engaged a few years ago and I’m seriously hoping to find that they’ve finally set a date.

“So, Rox, are you getting ready with us here, or are we just going to meet up at the funeral home?” I ask.

“My bag’s out in the car. We thought it might be nice if we could all get ready together and then go…you know…together. Maybe make it a little less emotional. Although…it’s a funeral, so I’m guessing it’s going to be sad no matter what.”

I nod in full agreement. “I definitely need to shower and try to make myself look presentable. Yesterday was rough.”

“She drank a lot,” Vanessa adds with way too much glee.

“You? You never drink a lot! What in the world happened?”

So, I launch into my story about the trip from hell and how the only things that saved me were the few extra glasses of wine and the cute guy sitting next to me.

“Ooh…cute guy sounds very nice,” Roxie teases. “If I didn’t hate all men right now, I’d probably be a little more enthused. But…good for you! At least there was a hint of a silver lining. Like…karma shined down on you to reward you after all the crappy stuff.”

“I’m not sure I would have looked at it like that, but…sure.” I finish my coffee, my belly full of waffles, and stretch. “Do you guys mind if I hit the shower first? I just still feel so grimy from all the flying.”

“You go,” Van tells me. “Roxie and I have got the cleanup. And Loren, if she ever gets off the phone with Mike.”

Roxie groans. “I tried telling her on the way over that it’s okay if they don’t talk to each other every seven minutes, but that got me nowhere.”

Yikes.

“Let me at least put my dishes in the sink first,” I say, doing just that. “And I promise not to take an obnoxiously long shower. Just know if the water pressure is good, you may need to come and drag me out.” And with a smile and a wave, I leave the room.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear Loren talking, and I don’t even pretend like I’m not going to catch a portion of it.

“No, we haven’t told her yet,” I hear her quietly saying. She’s standing in Vanessa’s bedroom, which is directly next to the guest room, so it’s not like I went out of my way to eavesdrop. “I know, I know, and we will, just not yet. Let’s get through today and then we’ll break it to her.”

Now I’m not usually paranoid, but I kind of suspect that they’re talking about me.

What haven’t they told me?

What do they have to break to me?

Oh God…did someone else die?

Okay, reel it in, drama queen. Not everything is about death.

“This is going to kill her,” Loren goes on. “But we’re not going to change anything. It is what it is, and she’ll deal with it.” She paused. “Yes, I’m sure. Livi’s a go-with-the-flow kind of girl. She’ll be fine. She’ll just need to get used to the idea, that’s all.”

What idea?

And I go with the flow?

Since when?

“Okay, babe. I love you and I’ll see you later.” Then she giggles. “No, you hang up! No, you!” More giggling and that’s my cue to grab my crap and take my shower.

Although now I can’t enjoy it because I want to know what exactly my friends aren’t telling me. Also, how am I going to get them to tell me without admitting I heard Loren and Mike’s conversation?

Well, part of their conversation.

In the shower, I ruthlessly shampoo and condition my hair and scrub every inch of my skin until it’s red and tingly.

I’m not sure why I’m punishing my body, but here we are.

By the time I turn off the water, I’m wondering if I can quietly exit the bathroom and see if I can hear what the girls are saying and if it has anything to do with what Loren was talking about.

“Like I don’t have enough to deal with today?” I mumble as I dry myself off.

I run through every scenario in my mind: someone’s dead or dying. My editor reached out to them to tell them they’re canceling my contract.

Okay, that one’s a stretch.

We’re not going to the beach, but going someplace else and…

Ooh…that one takes hold and would definitely require going with the flow. I mean…I was fine with going to the beach house even without all the amenities, but if the girls wanted to do an upgrade and surprise me, then who am I to ruin it?

Staring at my reflection, I sigh. Makeup free, wet hair, and a myriad of emotions fighting to get out.

I’m not at my best and I know it. I’m sad about Matt, overwhelmed with anxiety over the eulogy, psyched to be here with my friends, exhausted from traveling, and disappointed in the state of my career.