Page 44 of July (New Orleans #7)

“M om, you just showed up. You told us four days,” Jill had said earlier that morning.

“First, you want me back ASAP, and now, you’re complaining that I’m here?

I’m confused,” her mother had said and walked to the sink, carrying breakfast plates.

“Shouldn’t we really be talking about the fact that you had a woman here last night, and with the door unlocked, Juni could’ve walked in on you like I did? ”

“I forgot to lock the door after I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night,” Jill had lied.

“But that’s not the point. You left her.

You left us. And now, you just walk back in here like nothing’s ever happened and make us all breakfast, pretending like you’re the world’s most perfect mother? ”

“I made a mistake,” her mother had said as she started running water over the plates to rinse them. “And I’m here to make up for it.”

“You left your ten-year-old daughter with me after telling me you’d pick her up at school and leave me money for the week that you’d be gone.

” Jill had stood then. “You did none of those things. Juni was at school for hours, waiting on you, and you never showed. Do you have any idea what that could do to her or what could’ve happened had the teacher not stayed with her? ”

“They always stay,” her mother had argued.

“Again, not the point. Mom, I had to miss work. I had to lose money. And I had no money from you to pay for Juni’s food and other things.

She got sick for a night, and I thought I might have to take her to the doctor, but I don’t even know who her doctor is or how to handle it with insurance.

I have rent on my own apartment, and you left me with the mortgage for this place, too, and–”

“I paid that,” her mother had said loudly, stopping the water. “And I came back.”

“When Grandma hunted you down and forced you to. But I have no clue if you’ll just leave again. Are you really here to get more of your stuff or sell the house out from under your daughters so that you can make a little money and hit the road again?”

“No,” her mother had said. “I’m back for good.”

“Okay. But how can I ever trust that? How can I just go back to my apartment knowing you’re supposed to pick Juni up from school today, and you might not do that.”

“I will pick up my daughter. I still have a couple of days off work from my original vacation request. Then, it’s back to normal, Jill.”

“Mom, what is normal anymore? And I know it had to be hard, losing your husband and seeing Juni, who looks a little like him.”

“She looks just like him,” her mother had retorted.

“No, she doesn’t,” Jill had replied, taking a deep breath.

“She looks like me. Juni looks just like me. She looks like she could be my kid that I asked you to raise for me because I was too young when I had her, like we’re on some one-hour ABC drama.

She looks just like me. She has my hair and my eyes.

She just has your nose. She doesn’t look like him at all, really.

She’s quiet like him, I guess, more introverted than I was at that age and that you are now, but she doesn’t look like him.

And I don’t think it changes anything because she looks like him to you.

You’re a parent. You don’t just get to up and leave.

In eight years, when she’s an adult and out of the house, sure, go on the whole Eat, Pray, Love trip, if you want.

Meet a nice guy or a few guys, find yourself, decide to move to Italy or India, and call to check in once a month.

But you can’t do that now .” Jill had paused.

“You can’t just leave now, Mom. You need a vacation?

Fine. Tell me that months in advance. You ask Grandma and Grandpa to watch her if I can’t.

But you don’t just leave your daughter at school and hope I show up to take her home. ”

“I had to,” her mom had said. “You don’t get it. Have you ever even been in love, Jill?”

“Shouldn’t that be something you know, Mom?” she’d replied.

“What?”

“You don’t even know if your oldest daughter has ever been in love.”

“How would I know that? You’re hardly ever here,” her mother had retorted, moving back toward the table.

“I’ve told you about dates and girlfriends before.”

“Barely,” her mom had said, taking glasses to the sink.

“So, it’s my fault that you haven’t cared about me since the moment you met him?”

Her mother had stopped just shy of putting the glasses in the sink, probably to deal with later.

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is,” Jill had said. “Once I could drive a car, that was pretty much it. You used me as a babysitter and went on dates, when I, a teenager, was the one who was supposed to be going on dates, not taking care of a baby that wasn’t mine.

Why do you think I don’t come over that often?

When I saw Juni, I saw the baby that took my mom away.

I saw the kid that you loved more than me because my dad wasn’t the love of your life like hers was.

That’s hard, Mom. I had most of your attention for about fifteen years, but then it was just gone, and I was left holding Juni when she cried, while you two went to dinner and stayed out way too late.

I had to put her to sleep. I had to get her up in the morning.

Why do you think I moved away and never came home the moment I could get out of here? ”

“It wasn’t like that. You’re–”

“Telling the complete truth,” Jill had finished for her.

“You just don’t want to hear it. Imagine what it was like for me to have to do this all over again for you.

You dropped this tiny human on me for the second time in her life.

None of this is her fault, but I’m not her parent, Mom.

This is not my job or responsibility. I have my own life.

I have a job and a girlfriend now. I have my own place that I worked hard for, and I had to think about giving all of that up over the past couple of weeks because you kept telling me you were never coming back.

I almost went to the cops to tell them that you’d abandoned your daughter so that I could get custody to take care of her. I don’t want custody of your daughter.”

“I’m back now.” That was all her mother had to say to that. “I’m back now,” she’d repeated.

“ Are you, though?” Jill had asked.

“Don’t you have to get to work?” her mother had asked back. “I’ll pick Juni up today. Feel free to take your stuff and go home. I’d like tonight to just be Juni and me.”

Jill had only nodded because she had no idea what else to say.

Then, she had gone to get her suitcase, hastily packed it up, with the dirty strap-on in the top zipper compartment, and left the house.

When she’d gotten to work, Melinda had pulled her in for a celebratory hug.

Then, Jill had cried on her shoulder, and they’d talked about what had happened that morning.

“I wish you would’ve told me all this stuff years ago,” Melinda had said.

“I know. I’m sorry. My mom is just…”

“Messed up?” Melinda had replied.

“Yeah.” Jill had chuckled, wiping her tears.

“Well, Ky and I know a lot about that. Her mother has been struggling for her entire life. We could’ve been there for you,” Melinda had said. “Wait. I’m sorry. I’ve just made that about me, and I shouldn’t have done that. I just wish I would have known.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Jill had replied.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Melinda had said, taking her hand then. “You just need to be you, okay? Be all of you, Jill. We all love you. You don’t have to compartmentalize or try to be something you’re not with your friends.”

Jill had hugged Melinda again because she was right: Jill had been keeping a big part of herself away from her friends for years, choosing to focus on being the fun friend looking for love and sex and not always together instead of showing them that she was serious about life and had a little sister and a mother who sometimes pretended Jill didn’t exist, and other times, needed her to do her job as a parent whenever it was convenient for her.

Work had started in earnest for her then, and Jill had worked in the office for most of the day.

Enid had shown up for a meeting between her, Jill, and Melinda to begin the talks about the new office and Jill’s promotion being official, and by the time Jill had checked the time next, she noticed that it had been getting close to pickup.

She hadn’t planned on going since her mother had promised that she would be there, but she’d already had that worked into the existing NOLA Guides schedule, so she’d been off work anyway.

Showing up and seeing her mother there had been both a bad and a good thing for her because Jill had realized then that she was going to miss being in the house with Juni.

She was going to miss having fun making terrible chicken for dinner or ordering pizza for the tenth time.

She would miss going grocery shopping with Juni as Juni pushed the cart and told her about her day.

Jill wasn’t sure she’d miss the last-minute bake sales, but she’d miss the look of pride on her kid sister’s face that Jill’s cupcakes were the best.

◆◆◆

“Let’s just stay at your place tonight. You’ve been stuck staying with me,” Jill said.

“I’d hardly call being with you every night being stuck,” Willa replied. “And we’re already here, babe. I have stuff for the night. I’m good.”

Jill let go of Willa’s hand to unlock the door to her apartment and pushed it open, letting Willa walk in first while she dragged her roller bag behind her. Then, she closed the door, locked it, and set her suitcase aside, turning back to see Willa taking a long look around.

“It’s really nice. I can see why you wanted to get back here,” Willa noted.

“Yeah,” Jill replied. “Can we order dinner tonight? I’m not really in the mood to cook.”

“Whatever you want,” Willa said and turned around to face Jill, who was standing by the door with her arms crossed over her chest. “Does this place have a bathtub?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Because you’re getting in it,” Willa stated, walking up to her. “And I’m going to order us food while you’re taking a nice, hot bath. I doubt you’ve had once since you started taking care of Juni.”

“No,” Jill admitted. “But I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not,” Willa replied. “And that’s okay. Will you let me take care of you, please?”

“Maybe I should just be alone tonight. I’m not exactly good company.”

Willa wrapped her arms around Jill’s waist and asked, “Can you see us together for a long time?”

“What?”

“ Can you?” Willa insisted.

“Yeah, of course.”

“And living together one day?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if we’re living together and one of us has a bad day, we’ll have no other apartment to run to when we aren’t good company.”

“But that’s in the future, when we’ve been together for a long time and you’ve probably seen me going to the bathroom or I’ve farted in front of you or something.”

Will laughed and said, “You’ve already farted in front of me.”

“No, I haven’t,” Jill argued, dropping her arms to her sides.

“In your sleep. It was so loud; it woke me up. I’m not sure how you didn’t wake up from it.”

“You’re joking, right? Messing with me?”

“Nope.”

“Oh, my God.” Jill dropped her head to Willa’s shoulder. “How will you ever have sex with me again?”

“I’ll have sex with you right now, if you want,” Willa replied. “But I’m guessing that a hot bath and some food is a better option.”

Jill nodded her head against Willa’s shoulder and said, “Yes, please.”

“Let’s go, babe. Show me the bedroom.”

“Not at all in the context I wanted you to say those words for the first time,” she pointed out and followed Willa, who took her by the hand.

Within a few minutes, the water was ready, piping hot and steaming.

Jill thought she should wait to get in, but she realized how cold she had been all day and decided to risk it.

She didn’t have bubbles or anything, but she did have jasmine-scented body wash that she hoped would help calm her down a little.

“Why aren’t you in here with me?” she asked Willa after settling in.

Willa appeared in the open doorway and raked her eyes over Jill’s naked body.

“Trust me, I want to be. But I’d just end up touching you because I have no self-control where you’re concerned.”

Then, Jill heard a phone ring.

“Oh, that’s mine,” Willa added. “I left it in the kitchen earlier after ordering food. Maybe they have a question about the order or something. Be right back.”

Jill didn’t move for a minute, just trying to let the hot water help her relax, but she could kind of make out Willa’s conversation, and it didn’t sound like it was a call from the restaurant.

Maybe it was one of Willa’s siblings. Jill thought about meeting them one day and smiled.

She wanted that with Willa. She also thought about how, not all that long ago, she had asked Enid to be her wingwoman and help her get laid and find the love of her life.

She knew she would talk to Enid the next time she saw her and tell her that neither of those outings would be required anymore.

When Willa finally reappeared in the open doorway of the bathroom, Jill smiled up at her. Initially, she’d been upset that she had met this amazing woman at such a complicated time in her life, but now, she knew that Willa was everything she had ever needed, and she was grateful.

“Was that your sister?” Jill asked.

“No. It was the school.”

“Juni?” Jill sat up, water sloshing around her.

“No, babe,” Willa said and moved to kneel by the tub. “The other school.”

“Oh. The job?”

Willa nodded and said, “I got it.”