Page 25 of Journey to the Elderoak (Daughter of the Earth #2)

F or the next three mornings, Casimir was nowhere to be found. He spent most of the day in meetings as they increased their planning for the war and arrived at their suite well after Ava had gone to bed, rising before she awoke.

He was avoiding her.

Raine had taken over Ava’s training during this time and he was angry. They barely spoke as she tried and tried again to complete the course.

“You’re letting your emotions get the best of you,” he said as she dusted herself off from falling on the rope climb yet again.

“I know.”

“You know I’m angry with you, right?” he asked as they walked back to the castle.

“Yes.”

“You need to fix this. Until you do, you’ll never finish that course.” He stopped and turned to her, crossing his arms, his hair bright in the sun.

She looked at him, devastated she hurt one of her favorite people. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. ”

“I know you didn’t. And don’t worry, I gave Cas a lecture too,” he said. “You do the exact same thing he does.”

She shifted on her feet. “What do you mean?”

“Refuse to talk about your past until it spills over, and you say something you didn’t mean.”

“I know,” she whispered. “What do I do?”

“Well, the first step is apologizing. You need to go talk to him.”

She looked around and back at Raine. “He’s avoiding me.”

“I know.”

“He probably doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Raine grabbed her face and turned her to look at him. “The two of you are so fucking stubborn. Go. Talk. To. Him.”

She sniffed. “Alright.” Raine pulled her into a crushing hug. “Ouch.”

“You know I adore you. Right, dainty human?”

She pulled away and looked at him, overcome with emotion. He smiled as his humor returned, and tears welled in her eyes.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because,” she said in between sobs, “you are all so nice to me…”

He flicked her nose and pulled her back in, letting her cry into him. “It’s because you’re our missing piece, Ava,” he whispered and kissed the top of her head.

After a quick bath and a change of clothing, Ava searched the castle, unable to find Casimir anywhere. Dejected, she trudged back to her suite, hoping he’d returned unnoticed. When she entered, she halted.

A small wooden carving sat on the floor in front of her bedroom door. She approached and gingerly picked it up, examining it meticulously. It was an exact replica of Luna.

“I made that for you.”

Ava jumped and turned around to find him leaning against the open door to his bedroom, arms crossed. She swallowed thickly as she looked at the figure in her hand again, running her fingers along the ears.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “It’s beautiful.”

She slipped the figurine into her pocket, avoiding eye contact with Casimir as she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.

She wanted to blurt out that she was sorry.

That she was an idiot for avoiding talking about her struggles, and didn’t mean the things she said.

But she didn’t even know where to start.

He strode to the couch and sat, one arm across the back. “Sit with me.”

She took a deep breath and approached, lowering herself beside him. They sat in silence for a long moment, the gentle melody of birds outside the balcony drifting through the room. His hand moved to her hair, playing with it as they both waited for the other to speak.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted. “I didn’t mean what I said. I was exhausted and angry and—” She shook her head. “That’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have?—”

“Ava,” Casimir cut her off. “Look at me.”

She met his eyes.

“I know you didn’t mean it. Neither did I. I’m sorry too. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” she said.

“Please talk to me. Tell me about what’s keeping you from sleeping. Why you’re so angry.”

She summoned her courage and turned away, focusing on the flames in the fireplace as she prepared to start at the beginning .

“I felt alone most of my life. It was just my mom and me. And Grandpa whenever we would visit him. We moved a lot, and it was difficult to make friends. The other kids thought I was weird and used to make fun of me. They used to tell me my mom was a witch.”

She paused, inhaling deeply, while Casimir continued to stroke her hair.

“Then she died, and I was so lost. I didn’t know what to do without her.” She let the tears fall as she continued. “When my grandpa died and I moved to the farm, I was finally feeling some sense of peace. I had reconnected with my childhood best friend, and I was happy. At least…I thought I was.”

She paused, preparing herself to say the rest out loud.

“I met Andras, who I knew as Henry, and he was kind to me. I think I was falling for him pretty hard…I feel so stupid that I let him trick me…”

“Ava,” Cas whispered as he looked at her.

She kept her eyes forward as she continued, “As you know, it was all a lie. My best friend…Eleanor…” Her voice quivered.

“Deidamia killed her. Slit her throat right in front of me and drank her blood. I tried to stop them, but I couldn’t.

” She shook her head and sniffled, tears falling harder.

“Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault she’s dead. ”

Casimir remained silent, seeming to understand her need to get it out. He didn’t argue with her feelings as if he knew she needed to acknowledge her guilt.

“The dreams I’ve been having,” she said.

“I keep dreaming I’m back at their camp.

Being tortured. I’ve been dreaming about Eleanor’s death.

About what happened on the ship. About Zeph dying.

About Corvus. When I slit his—” She paused for a moment and closed her eyes.

“When I killed him. The sound he made as he died…it was exactly how Eleanor sounded.”

She let out a small sob, unable to stop it. Casimir reached for her face, gently cupping it and turning her toward him. He swiped away her tears with his thumb.

“Eleanor’s death is not your fault. You wouldn’t have been able to stop it.”

She sniffled. “I know that now. It’s just…it still haunts me sometimes.”

“I know, princess. I have things that haunt me too. Thank you for telling me. Please don’t hide these things from me. I want to know when you’re struggling. If you’re hurting.”

She nodded as she composed herself, his hand leaving her face and returning to her hair. She was about to speak when he held out another wooden figure. A fox.

“Elara was my little sister,” he whispered. “This was her animal companion.”

He hesitated a moment as he watched the flames dance in the hearth.

“When I was a boy, daemon soldiers invaded the village I lived in with my mother and sister. Though Deidamia and Andras had already disappeared, some of their forces still attempted to take more land for themselves. They burned the houses and killed everyone they saw. My mother tried to hide us in the cabinets. She told us to be quiet and run as soon as we got the chance. I heard them enter the house.” He paused, wiping away a stray tear.

“Then I heard my mother die, trying to protect us.”

She wanted to comfort him, wanted to touch him. To wrap him in her arms and tell him everything was alright. But she didn’t.

His voice cracked as he continued, “My father hails from the astral kingdom and because of him, I have astral magic in addition to my earth abilities. So yes, I am a hybrid. I was scared. I was so scared, I started glowing. I tried to stop it, but I didn’t know how to control it.

They saw the light and found us. I watched as they killed my sister right in front of me. She was five. ”

“Oh Cas,” said Ava as her vision blurred, hands shaking in her lap.

“They came at me too.” He turned to her and pointed to the scar that ran from his jaw to his collarbone. “But for some reason, I didn’t die. I got away and fled…like a coward.”

She pulled his hand off the back of the couch and into her lap. “You were a child.”

He remained still for a moment and placed the fox back into his pocket.

“I know. But I don’t think I’ll ever get over the pain of that day.

I escaped and basically lived on the streets for a while.

I’d been stealing food from some of the local farms, sneaking in at night and eating their crops.

Raine’s father caught me and instead of turning me in, he adopted me. ”

“He sounds like a good man.”

“He is. As I grew up, I fell in love with sword-fighting. I knew at a young age I wanted to be in the army. I wanted to fight against those who took my family away from me. I worked my ass off every day until I was named general and vowed to protect everyone in our kingdom, no matter the cost.”

“You’re a good man, too.”

He looked at her. “I’ve killed a lot of people. So many, I can’t even count.”

“Did they deserve it?”

“Yes.”

“And how many lives did you save by killing those people?” she asked.

“A lot. Hundreds… more.”

“Then you’re still a good man,” she said as she squeezed his hand.

Casimir let go and put his arm around her, pulling her close. She laid her head on his shoulder and breathed him in. They sat in silence, absorbing each other’s stories, another step toward understanding one another. Another step toward healing .

Ava knew she wasn’t better, and she had a long way to go.

But this was a start.

The next morning, Ava climbed through the course, feeling more confident after her talk with Casimir.

He stood at the sidelines, coaching her through it.

She didn’t have a nightmare last night. In fact, she slept better than she had in weeks and had woken refreshed, determined today would be the day she would complete it.

Talking about her dreams had helped. Opening up about her trauma had relieved some of the pressure that had been building in her these last couple of months. Jorrar was right. She had to go through it and stop avoiding the hard things.

She made it to the rope climb and wrapped it around her leg.

“Remember, pull your legs high and use them to push yourself up. Stop relying on arm strength. Your legs do most of the work,” Casimir called.

Pinching the rope between her feet, she pushed and made her way up. It was the last obstacle, and she was almost there. Higher and higher she climbed, sweat dripping down her back.

Her arms ached, ready to give out, but she focused on using her powerful legs to push harder.

Her mind was brought back to her mother’s words when her spirit visited her in the daemon war camp.

She never knew if it was a hallucination or real, but she pulled her strength from it, remembering what her mother had said. ‘Crush them, Ava.’

She channeled her anger. Her fury. Crush them.

With a shout and one last push, she reached the top and tapped the wood beam with her hand. She had done it. Finished the obstacle course .

Ava looked at Casimir who was beaming; the largest smile she had ever seen on his face.

He was beautiful.

She slid down the rope and landed on her feet. Casimir approached, still grinning. “Took you long enough.”

“Oh hush, you brute,” she replied as she shoved him, but he snatched her hand and held it.

Turning away, he pulled her along. “Come on. Let’s go to the tea house to celebrate.”