Page 7 of Jaxon (Gentlemen of War #4)

Jaxon

The frustration that threaded through me as I led Chesapeake from his stall in the mews could not be settled. Why must the people of London stick their noses into one another’s business? Why can’t they carry on with their own lives and leave me to mine? I grumbled and led my horse out. At the doors, I came to an abrupt stop.

Lucy stood before me, blocking the entrance. “Jax, where are you off to?”

“Riding,” I grumbled. “Obviously.”

“I’m coming with you,” she insisted.

“No!”

“Yes!”

My nineteen-year-old, headstrong younger sister was not going to relent. I naturally enjoyed spending time with her, but today I would make for blasted company. “I intend to ride quite fast. You might not be able to keep up.”

“Watch me.” She smirked.

I almost smiled at this. Heaven help the man who falls in love with her. I stopped that line of thinking and reversed it. No, I must rephrase that. Heaven help the man who she falls in love with.

For there have already been a few men falling at her feet though it is only her first Season, and my parents insist that she have two before she weds. In truth, I wondered if this was their way of waiting for the man of their choice to come into his own. The son and heir of the Duke of Gelder was at Oxford and must complete his studies before taking a wife. At two and twenty, I believe that is far too young to wed, but it is not for me to decide.

I would have dismounted to help Lucy, but she had already stepped onto her mounting block and situated herself and her skirts over the side saddle. I smiled at the thought. She was a determined little thing. Already I felt the tightening in my chest abate due to her presence, though I would not profess it openly for she would never let it lie.

We trod along the dingy, smoky streets of the city and crossed the Thames toward Epping Forest. The rugged path through the ancient linden trees with their long, skeletal branches formed a canopy of privacy not often found so close to Town. The natural seclusion of the forest had become our customary terrain for many years prior to my enlistment in the war.

We rode in silence for two quarters of an hour before we reached the threshold of the denser part of the woods and slowed to a companionable trot. Neither one of us wished to bring harm to our horses from the rutted roots and thick undergrowth. The depth of the forest had grown significantly since I last entered its hallowed ground.

Reflecting back, the aggressive ride had suitably eased the heat of my frustrations much like I hoped it would and, when we stopped, I felt more like myself again. This time, Lucy allowed me to assist in her descent. With the tethers in our hands, we walked to a small clearing and a familiar stump we often spent time conversing upon. There was no need to tie our horses as they began to graze on the surrounding wild grasses. We were entirely alone.

Once seated, Lucy wasted no time in reaching for my hand. While she appeared the female version of me with her dark waves and deep blue eyes, since my return from the continent, we shared less of our likeminded temperament and interests.

To me, the relevance of such social frivolity no longer carried pleasure like that of my younger years. The London scene—balls, soirees, musicales, and operas—suddenly felt stifling and inconsequential in a world where life, death, sacrifice, and honor should matter most.

Lucy’s eyes met mine. “Jax, I don’t presume to know what happened last night,” she sighed. “Naturally, I heard the rumors in between dance sets, but when I attempted to locate you, Father said you had departed early. Will you tell me?”

I took a deep breath. I could not reveal the whole truth. That must remain strictly between Zachary, Hunter, Lucas, and me. At least until the crimes come to light and the traitors are brought to justice.

“I made a fool of myself.”

“With Miss Groves?”

“Yes, I forgot the steps of the cotillion.” I would not tell her to what extent the act was real or fabricated, for that was part of the plan. As was witnessing her father’s reaction when I asked him for permission to dance with his daughter.

Last night was the second time that I faced Mr. William Groves since my return to England. The merchant with deep pockets and unsavory ties with the French did not hide his astonishment at my appearance nor his unyielding stare throughout the duration of our dance. That is, until it ended abruptly with my stepping on Miss Groves’ foot.

William Groves. One of the few names that repeatedly emerged connected to my deep-seeded secret and only revealed itself, recently, the night of the Drake Soiree.

Lucy sweetly placed a hand on my cheek. “You are much too hard on yourself, Brother.” She leaned her head against my shoulder. “You were gone a significant amount of time. You cannot expect life to resume as if nothing has changed.”

I stared down at my darling sister. The kindness and goodness that exuded from her proved an innocence still existed. She had not seen what I had. She did not witness the horrors of battle nor the cunning deceit that occurs behind closed doors, and I never wanted her to.

“I’m leaving London.”

“What?” she choked out. “No! That is unacceptable!”

Now, this was the side of her I had grown accustomed to.

“I forbid it.”

I wanted to chuckle at her fortitude, but this was not a humorous situation. “I must, Luce. I have brought humiliation and shame upon our family. My continued mistakes could affect Father, Mother, and more precisely… you and Hannah’s future marriage prospects.”

“It was only one dance, Jax.”

I arched a brow.

She quickly looked away. We both knew it had not been only one dance. There had been numerous occasions in the last two months of bumbling propriety and tarnishing my good name.

“Besides, I don’t care a whit about that,” she muttered. “You only just returned. You cannot leave.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and whimpered, “Please don’t go. I have sorely missed you.”

I rubbed her back. “It won’t be forever. I just need to go someplace I can sort out my mind… alone.”

“Why must you be alone? Go to Lord Devon’s, Lord Lucas’, or Lord Zachary’s. Heaven knows they have all infiltrated our home at one time or another.”

This time, I didn’t hold back my grin. She often spoke of my friends as her spare brothers.

“They are all married now, I cannot disrupt their lives for selfish purposes.”

“It’s not selfish. They certainly understand your challenges having all been through battle themselves.”

I nodded. Her wise and astute mind knew our challenges better than most.

“How long will you be gone?”

I wondered the same thing. How long would it be before Zachary, Hunter, and Lucas could help me untangle the mystery surrounding my captivity and the men involved? How long might it take the Bow Street Magistrate Court to wade through the murky waters of nationalistic deceit?

My mind shifted back to the Drake Soiree and the moment I saw William Groves conversing with Lord Sinclair. My memory had alighted at various speeds since my arrival on British soil. Certain recollections came only when an image triggered a memory. For instance, the precise moment I reunited with my family, everything up until my departure for war flooded my mind, but the parts around my beating and torture remained vague and hazy… until I saw the two gentlemen side by side.

“Not long,” I tried to assure.

She sniffled. “Who am I going to talk to about the balls, soirees, and musicales?”

I laughed. “You talk to everyone about those… at least anyone within earshot. But Hannah is not so much younger and will soon be joining you, and she is an excellent listener.”

She pulled a face then smiled. “But you must help me discern a man’s sincerity. Who will tell me the secrets of the male mind?”

“You are safe this Season, love,” I brought her eyes to mine. “Father will not give his permission for you to marry until next year. Just don’t fall in love until then.”

She wrinkled her cute, lightly-freckled nose. “I don’t even know what love feels like. Do you?”

I smiled partway. “No. So I am at a loss to help you there, but Mother does.”

She sighed. “But what if I meet the wrong man?”

“Father would never let that happen.”

“But—”

I pressed my fingers over her lips. “You will be perfectly fine without me for a short time, Lucy, and I will return stronger and healthier.”

“Where will you go?”

“Dorset, possibly. Father’s hunting lodge.” I despised lying to her.

She frowned. “Promise me that you won’t be alone.”

“I promise.” I chuckled. “You know I am entirely incapable of cooking for myself.”

She laughed and it was a welcome sound. “So, you will be taking Mrs. Daphne from us?”

“No, Hunter has offered a small staff. I will only take Jesse from our household.”

“Oh.” Her eyes sparkled in a dreamlike state. “Hunter and Gwendolyn’s costumes last night were to die for.” She squealed. “And Lady Helena as a fairy princess… she practically floated through the ballroom while Lucas was the most handsome prince I have ever seen.”

“Excuse me…”

She laughed. “You, my dear brother, sported terribly uninspiring attire with your black suit and matching mask, but do not fear, there were plenty of women that still found you appealing… botched steps and all.”

I flicked her arm.

“Ouch! I only speak the truth. You have the most handsome friends in all of London. Why could they have not waited for me and my come out?”

I arched a brow. “They are my brothers-in-arms, not meant to be my literal brothers.”

“You are the last to remain unmarried,” she said as if this was the most natural thing to speak of. “Have you not met anyone that has piqued your interest?”

I frowned. There were many who caught my eye prior to my service on the continent, but in my short return to society, my mind has not been engaged. In truth, it only seemed to tarry on the threats that encroached. The mysterious man who made an appearance at the Dupont home in France and then recently at our country estate, and possibly a recent visit to our London home. How long would it truly take before he confronted me directly? And what if he found me with my sisters? Or Mother? If I could not keep my family safe from this unknown threat, how could I possibly keep a wife safe?

“No,” I declared with unabashed forthrightness. “And I suspect it will be some time before that occurs.” I brought my sister to her feet. “But you will surely know when it does. Now, let’s return before I’m lectured for keeping you out for hours on end.”

She squeezed my hand. “Will you write?”

I knew in my head I could not, unless I found a way to send it from a location far from me. “I will see.” I kissed her on the forehead with one foot pointed in the opposite direction, ready to sprint in a moment’s notice. “Race you to the bridge.”

She pushed me backward and as my feet hit a stump, I stumbled, barely catching myself before I hit the ground. “Cheat!” I hollered walking toward my horse. She skillfully mounted hers and tore off in a measured dash, still aware of the terrain. Laughing, I took my time, knowing Chesapeake had the capability to outrun her horse despite her lead.

I was going to miss that spitfire immensely.