Page 12 of It’s Me, but Different (Merriweather Sisters #3)

Esme

“Go to hell, Sloane Merriweather,” I mutter through my teeth, throwing my phone onto the bed so hard it bounces against the wall.

The impact doesn't calm my rage. I run my hands through my hair, pacing back and forth across the suite like a caged lioness.

Sloane's message keeps echoing in my head like a slap: “Lessons canceled due to bad weather.

This way, you'll have more time to think about the offer they made you at that law firm.”

This way you'll have more time… What an asshole.

Last night, when we met at the bar, I hoped she'd fight for me. That she'd tell me not to go to Denver. I thought she'd say we'd find some way to make us work… even though I don't even know what “us” is.

For some strange reason, I imagined she'd promise me we'd build something together at Silver Peaks if I gave her a second chance. I thought she'd assure me my children would be happy here.

Like in fucking fairy tales.

But life isn't a fairy tale.

At least not for people like me.

Maybe it is for the Merriweather sisters.

They can do whatever they want with their lives.

They don't have to worry about money, or finding work, or raising two kids without anyone's help.

Sloane and her sisters were born with a fortune that gives them the luxury of doing whatever they damn well please.

I have to go back to Colorado and choose between giving my kids a better financial opportunity by sacrificing the time I'll spend with them, or spending more time together with less money.

It's all a big mess.

And even though it doesn't make much sense, I blame Sloane for it again.

“Mom?” Ana Sofia's voice startles me from my bedroom door and brings me back to reality. “Are you okay? You look angry about something.”

“I'm fine, honey,” I lie, trying to force a smile that doesn't reach my eyes. “I'm just… organizing some things.”

“Do we have to leave already?” Theo asks, appearing behind his sister with a worried little face that breaks my heart.

I can't lie to them anymore. It's been two wonderful weeks for them. I've seen them laugh, run, ski, be children without the constant shadow of their father's loss. And now I have to tear them away from what they consider paradise and take them back to a reality none of us wants to face.

“In two days,” I sigh, sitting on the bed and opening my arms to give them a hug. “But we still have lots of fun left, don't you think?”

“Why can't we stay longer?” Ana Sofia insists. “We have so much fun here. And Sloane is super cool. And River teaches us to make cookies.”

“Because I have work in Colorado, kiddo. And you have school.”

“There are schools here too,” Theo protests. “We'd go to the same school as Lumi, and she'd introduce us to all the kids. She says the whole town knows her.”

Of course the whole town knows her. Lumi is Harper's daughter, and the Merriweathers practically own this perfect little town where everything is easy and beautiful and where they can spend months and months skiing.

Luckily, soft knocks on the door interrupt my self-destructive thoughts.

“Esme?” River's voice sounds from the hallway. “Can we come in?”

I open the door and find myself face-to-face with River and Anika, both with that perfect smile that makes me feel even worse.

“How are you guys?” River greets, crouching down to be at the twins' height. “I have a surprise to make up for having to cancel the ski lesson.”

“Ivy and Lumi will take you to the stables to see the horses while your mom comes with us to the spa. What do you think?” Anika adds, immediately capturing the children's attention.

“Horses?” Ana Sofia asks, raising her eyebrows and starting to hop from foot to foot. “Can we ride them?”

“One of them is very calm, I think you can take a short ride even though there's snow,” River explains with a wink.

As expected, the kids run out of the room before I can say a single word, leaving me alone with River and Anika.

“You don't have to do this,” I murmur. “You've already done enough.”

“Do what?” Anika asks. “Try to make you enjoy your last days here?”

“No. Set a trap for me and take the kids away so I'm alone with you two. I assume you're plotting something.”

“Esme,” River interrupts, gently taking my arm. “Come with us, please. It'll be good for you to relax a little.”

And just because I'm too tired to keep arguing, because part of me desperately needs a moment of relaxation, I agree.

As expected, the hotel spa is spectacular. All white marble, dim lights, and the sound of water falling from small fountains. It's the kind of luxury I'm not used to, the kind of luxury that reminds me of everything I can't give my children.

“First time at a spa?” River asks as we enter a hot tub with panoramic views of the mountains.

“Not exactly the first time, but… it's not something I can afford very often,” I admit.

“I understand,” Anika nods. “When I started my company, I lived on instant coffee and precooked noodles. Any kind of luxury was unthinkable.”

I watch her through the steam. Anika, who can now buy whatever she wants after selling her tech company. Anika, who has the freedom to choose where to live, who to be with, what to do with her life. Not to mention she's soon to marry River Merriweather, who has even more money.

“Must be nice,” I murmur almost without realizing it. “Having that freedom.”

“What freedom?” River asks.

“To choose. To be able to do whatever you want without worrying about practical consequences.”

Suddenly, we fall into an uncomfortable silence. Anika and River glance at each other occasionally while the steam keeps rising, creating a mist that makes me feel like we're in another world.

“Esme,” River says finally, “can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What do you really feel for my sister?”

The question catches me completely off guard.

“I don't know,” I admit with a long sigh. “I mean… yes, I do. I still feel a lot for her. Too much. Much more than I should feel after eleven years, especially after how things ended between us.”

“Have you considered giving her a second chance?” she insists. “Trying something together?”

“For a moment, yes,” I confess, and saying it out loud hurts much more than I expected.

“The dinner at The Peak and later, spending the night together after the storm.

The sunrise. All of that awakened sensations in me I thought were forgotten.

Last night, at the bar, we talked for a while.

I hoped that... well, I hoped she'd fight for me.

A little, at least. That she'd try to convince me to stay.

But she didn't. Nothing. Not even a little bit.”

“And what does that mean to you?” Anika asks, lowering her voice to almost a whisper above the water's splashing.

“That she hasn't matured enough. That she's still the same Sloane from eleven years ago, the one who doesn't want to complicate her life,” I respond with a sting of bitterness.

“My job is in Colorado. My children's entire life is there.

Yes, it's difficult, but if she really wanted to try, she would have fought somehow, don't you think? I can think of a thousand things she could have done... and she did nothing.”

River exchanges a look with Anika that doesn't go unnoticed.

“What's happening now?” I ask angrily. “Is there something I should know?”

“My sister is an idiot,” River admits with a sigh. “She has a hard time channeling feelings. She always has.”

“I already know that; it's nothing new. Still…”

“Esme,” she interrupts, “I'm going to tell you something that almost no one knows. And I ask you please not to comment on it.”

I lean forward, intrigued.

“When Sloane got injured before the World Cup and her sports career went to hell, she fell into a very deep depression. So deep we were afraid she'd do something stupid.”

“What do you mean?” I sigh, though I don't want to know the answer.

“She was so down that she barely left her room.

She didn't eat, didn't talk to anyone. Fuck, sometimes she'd go a week without showering. We all thought it was because her career as a skier was over,” River takes a brief pause, as if saying the next words costs her a lot of effort.

“But during therapy we discovered it was something else. At that moment she understood she had let go of the person she had loved more than anything in the world. And all for a sports dream that was over.”

“And that person was…?”

“You, Esme. That person was you.”

I run my hands through my hair, not knowing what to say. Suddenly, the water temperature feels overwhelming.

“Since then she misses you in a way you can't even imagine and regrets every day letting you go,” her sister continues. “Sloane has never been truly happy. She just survives. In eleven years, she still hasn't gotten over it.”

“It's true,” Anika confirms. “Last year, when she came to visit me in San Francisco, she spent the whole night talking about you. About how she had ruined the best thing that had happened to her in life. And that was supposedly when she came to console me.”

“I don't understand,” I whisper. “If she regrets it so much, why last night...?”

“Because she's an idiot,” River responds. “And because she's scared. Scared you'll reject her. Scared of hurting you again. Scared her feelings aren't reciprocated. I don't know, she was always a little weird, no offense.”

“Reciprocated?” I can't help but let out a bitter laugh. “How can she think they're not reciprocated? Fuck, we almost slept together at The Peak.”

“Oh, really?” River asks, arching an eyebrow. “You hadn't told me that. Neither had Sloane.”

“River...” Anika warns, giving her a light elbow to the ribs.

“What? She's my sister. I already told you, that restaurant has a strange effect on people. You stay there alone, and suddenly you feel like… you know…” she jokes, making a gesture with her fingers, and I can't help but smile.

“I said almost,” I admit. “But I backed out.”

“Why? I mean, I just want to know the reason, if you don't mind me asking.”

“Because of the kids. Because of my job. Because I don't know what your sister wants. Because of the fear of trying again and everything going wrong again.”

River nods slowly.

“Esme, there's something else you should know,” Anika interrupts. “Something we're not proud of.”

“What?”

“We set a trap to get you to come here,” River confesses, swallowing before continuing. “All of this, the special offer, the ridiculously good price... we planned it so you'd meet my sister again.”

“What?” I sit up abruptly, suddenly feeling like the world is swaying around me. “Are you telling me that…?”

“That we couldn't watch Sloane suffer anymore,” Anika interrupts. “She's been carrying that guilt for eleven years. And when she told me she was still in love with you…”

“We thought maybe, if you saw each other again…” River adds.

“I can't fucking believe this,” I murmur, punching the water. “I can't believe you played with me like this.”

“Esme, wait…”

“Wait for what? For you to explain how you've manipulated my life? How you've used my financial needs to bring me here with a lie? You Merriweathers are a family of assholes. And that includes you too, Anika. You have life too easy,” I add before getting out of the pool, cursing under my breath.