Page 55 of Isn’t It Nice We Both Hate the Same Things

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

They see me like this. Absolutely no way to avoid it, them pouring through the door like that. Josie, Shaun, Emmanuel, Diego, Cinar.

Even if I did want to hide, there simply wasn’t enough time.

‘Oh my god,’ Josie says, looking at me. Running her eyes down my body and over the wheelchair. She has one hand to her chest, and a white porcelain salad bowl in the other. Then she swings around to face Dave. ‘Did you do this?’

He is horrified at the accusation. ‘Oh bugger off, of course not.’

‘I fell down an escalator,’ I say. And then the room grows quiet. Stunned, all of them, halted by the door.

The silence stretches for far too long.

And then Diego cries out. ‘Jesus, my fingers.’ And darts to the kitchen bench to drop down the apple pie. Even with a tea towel, he isn’t able to escape the temperature of that dish. I can see his red, raw fingertips as he raises his hands.

It seems Diego’s apple pie isn’t enough to draw focus away from my injuries. After a mere second, they’re all looking at me again.

‘Are you okay?’ Shaun asks, stepping forward. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘I’m okay, thank you.’

Dave tells them, ‘Charlie is staying here until the casts are removed.’

‘Right,’ Shaun says.

Cinar turns to Emmanuel. ‘I thought you needed to use the loo?’

‘Urge is gone now,’ he says, watching me. ‘Something far more pressing has come up.’

I’m aware of what I must look like – unkempt, unwell, my hair tangled into knots – but all this staring has me feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

‘It’s not a big deal,’ I say. ‘I fell down an escalator, Dave’s been helping me, and I’ve only got a few weeks until these’ – I point to my casts – ‘are removed. Would prefer we don’t linger on it. Just pretend it hasn’t happened, okay?’

Another moment of staring and then the group murmurs in agreement. Josie’s gaze lingers on me for a moment and I try and read her expression.

The air between us is so different now, her birthday party seems like a lifetime ago. I feel like the world has shifted twice over since then.

Later, I reminisce at the dining table. It’s remarkable how much this dinner feels exactly like it used to. How easily we can fall back into old patterns, sitting here together.

Shaun, who has a habit of sharing shocking things he finds on the internet, shows us all an article about the world’s most secure prison – impossible to escape, apparently.

Then Emmanuel, always overreaching, looks at the photos. Mulls it over for a moment, then sits a bit straighter. ‘I reckon I could get out.’

Josie throws a napkin at his head, calling him absurd. Even Diego counters him. ‘And how would you do that?’

‘I don’t know,’ Emmanuel responds, shrugging. ‘But I think I could.’

‘Sometimes you struggle to unlock your front door,’ Dave says.

‘That’s different,’ Emmanuel says, holding up a finger.

‘How is that different?’ Cinar asks, one of the first things he’s said since we sat down.

Emmanuel’s mouth opens, and then he slumps a little. ‘I have no idea.’

And they’re laughing. Then topping up wine, and finishing off their meals. Every so often someone asks me if I’m feeling okay, but mostly, they all take the opportunity to catch up on what they’ve missed.

‘We’re so busy,’ Diego says, when Shaun asks him about work.

‘Busy running away from Charlie.’ Josie lets out a sharp cackle. It’s the first sign she’s had too much to drink.

There’s an awkward silence around the table.

Dave looks down at his plate, and Diego’s head goes into his hands. ‘I’m so sorry, Charlie,’ he says. ‘I saw you and panicked.’

It’s remarkable how little I care.

Josie lets out another laugh, then realises her glass is empty. She reaches across to grab at the bottle. It’s quick, but I see Shaun give her a look. A warning. Careful , he’s saying. Because we can all tell how close she is to being a hopeless inebriate.

She ignores him and pours herself a glass anyway. ‘Charlie, we’ve all been awful people. Awful .’ She takes two gulps of wine. ‘I feel like I’ve had to apologise to you every time I’ve seen you, and I’m ashamed. We behaved terribly.’

‘You did,’ Dave says, lifting his gaze to meet hers.

The table is silent.

‘You all did,’ he clarifies. ‘The fact she called me when she fell is an indication of how you’ve all treated her.’

At least they have the decency to appear embarrassed, all of them. Diego cannot look me in the eye.

‘It’s fine,’ I say, feeling uncomfortable.

Dave looks at me, pointedly.

‘It’s not fine,’ I correct.

Another moment of silence and then Josie knocks her glass over, fumbling as she tries to put the bottle back into the centre of the table.

Shaun whispers under his breath. ‘Jesus, Josie, slow down.’

Josie doesn’t know her own volume. ‘ No . I’m having more. My mum has the kids tonight and so this mum ’ – she points to herself – ‘is drinking whatever she wants.’

Everyone’s looking down at their empty plates now, not daring to make eye contact.

It seems that Josie is not done speaking. Leaning forward, she points at Dave’s glass of wine. ‘Cherish this while it lasts, because one day you’ll have kids and you’ll be sober most of the week. It’s horribly boring.’

It feels like someone has sucked the air out of the room. Josie keeps speaking, but I’ve tuned it out. Instead, Dave and I are looking at each other from across the table.

And I know, without us speaking, that we’re both thinking about the same thing. About his daughter. About the support payments I found. About how no one at this table knows and Dave’s been hiding this secret for almost eighteen years—

Shaun whispers something to Josie again and she snaps. ‘ Stop .’ She slaps her husband’s upper arm, and no one at the table speaks. ‘Stop telling me to slow down. Everyone is having a good time. Aren’t we?’ She looks around. ‘The band’s back together. Something to celebrate.’

Two more sips and then she continues with a laugh. ‘Well, except for Cinar. Poor guy finally knows what it’s like to be dumped—’

‘ Stop ,’ Shaun shouts, and we all jump in our seats. Retract, like someone’s pulled a string. It’s the first time any of us have heard Shaun shout, and it’s alarming. Didn’t realise it’d be quite so booming. ‘Just stop speaking.’

Everyone looks at Josie, and then back at Shaun.

Josie tries to laugh it off. ‘ This guy, trying to tell me what to do. Right, okay, Shaun. Whatever you say—’

‘Can we not?’ Shaun says. ‘We’re having a lovely dinner with our friends.’

Would we say it’s lovely? We’ve heard them bicker, but never like this. Never to this extent. And for a moment, no one knows what to do. Or where to look. I curl my upper body down, trying to make myself as small as possible.

This is nothing like how it used to be. This is nothing like how I want it to be. I should’ve made Dave send them home. Maybe I should’ve hidden, like he suggested. These people are not my friends. And before, it bothered me, but now it doesn’t.

This is the last time I’ll spend time with this group, and I’m fine with that. I’m a different person now, and we’ve outgrown each other. There was once a time I was devastated to have been removed from the group. Now, I’m glad. I’d rather spend time with Ivan and Dora. Or Graham. Or Quinn—

‘Sorry,’ I say, interrupting the group. Turning to Cinar, I reach out. ‘Did she say Quinn broke up with you?’

He looks up at me, and nods. There’s pain across his face. ‘She told me she couldn’t commit,’ he says. ‘Ironic, right?’