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Chapter twenty-five

Should Have

Eoghan

I should have told her. I should have warned her. I should have done… anything but what I did. I grabbed the coward’s way out, and I knew it. But as many times as I tried to say a goodbye, the actual act of it was as abhorrent to me as flaying my own skin.

I can’t do anything right when it comes to Mrs. Kira Green.

The harder I tried, the more my madness came to the forefront.

The closer I held her, the farther I pushed her, and now she’d said the words. I hate you.

Anything short of that might have made me give in. It might have made me change my mind and tell them to send the British twat, Lutkus, in my place, as they had offered before.

But it took less than five minutes. Five whole minutes before she had disavowed me.

Before she went from love to hate.

Last night, I had worshiped her body with every part of my being, and bid her farewell in my own, silent way. Today, she was no longer mine.

So be it… I deserved it.

Maybe that was my curse, and this would all be for the best.

“Shiny,” I said, once we were back out in the early morning sun, staring at a pale blue sky above.

“Make sure all the soldiers have more than enough ammo, be prepared for the shoot-out. I want to know everyone’s got tourniquets and medical kits on their person.

I want a subtle reminder that your own kit is to be used on yourself. ”

“Got it, boss,” she said, with a nod, foregoing her usual sarcasm, which was disturbing in itself. Maybe I really was going to die today. “I’ll make sure they’re reminded that we handle bleeding first. I’ll get with the squad leaders now.”

Exsanguination was the number one cause of death in battle. Statistically, it was significant enough that handling blood before anything else was more likely to save lives.

She was halfway to stepping away to do the task demanded of her when she paused.

“Is there anything else you need, Eoghan?” she asked, gently.

“If you’re going to start being nice to me, Shiny,” I said, plastering a forced smile on my lips, “ I’m going to start watching my back, because I know something’s definitely amiss.”

“Eoghan!” I heard Kira’s voice before I got into the SUV., Kieran was already strapped, weapons on, in the front seat. Sinead was at the open front passenger side door, looking at me from over the roof of the car.

“Let’s go.” I opened the back door, ready to get in. I was not ready for any confrontation.

I could avoid it completely if I just… left.

Was I taking a coward’s way out? Yes.

“Hold on,” Sinead said, her hands patting her pockets. “I forgot something inside. I’ll be back.”

“Shiny,” I growled in warning.

“I’ll be back.” She closed the passenger door, the car rocking from the force.

O’Malley leaned out of the open driver's side window, giving me a puzzled glance, and we both shrugged. He smirked. “Women, eh?”

I began to step into the back seat, only to feel Kira’s hand on my sleeve, pulling me back. “Eoghan, wait…”

I pulled away from her, trying to get in the car, but she pulled harder, grabbing me with both arms.

“Eoghan, don’t go, please.”

I stopped fighting, not wanting to make a scene. Not needing more people to see the drama of my marriage.

I just… froze.

“I love you, you idiot,” she said quietly.

Still, I chose not to move, even as her floral scent filled my nostrils, and my body craved the feel of her warmth.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tightly, and I didn’t know what the hell was happening.

“Please, don’t leave like this. Please,” she cried.

I melted. I was no match for my wife’s tears. I never would be. I returned her embrace as she chanted those beautiful words.

“I didn’t mean it. I love you. I love you. I love you…” She buried her head in my chest, and on pure instinct, I placed my hand at the nape of her neck, pulling her to me.

“I love you, Husband,” she whispered. “I love you. Please forgive me.”

I wondered, for a moment, what it was that Andres had told her. What power did he have to make her turn from anger to love? Who was he to her?

Jealousy, rage, then envy moved through me, one horrible feeling at a time.

But all of it was wiped away when she pulled back, and she came to her toes, grabbing my face in her hands as she put her lips on mine.

My wife is a liar. She was trained to deceive.

But there was one thing I could trust about her… her lips might speak lies, but her tongue, her kiss, her body only ever spoke the truth.

In my darkest moments, I might believe that she did not love me.

But in the moments where we touched, where her skin was on mine, her soft lips nipped between my teeth, I knew I was not standing alone in this.

I was one part of a loving, but fucked up, marriage.

She was with me in it, and she loved me just the same.

“I love you,” she whispered against my mouth. “Please, don’t go. Stay with me.”

I grabbed her face in my hands, taking my forehead to hers. My hands clawed at her cheeks, wanting to bring her closer while my mind fought and fought and fought…

I loved that she asked me to stay.

It was exactly what I wanted to hear. A balm to my pain, even though our own tragedy loomed over us like a dark cloud.

“You remind me of The Kiss ,” I whispered.

“By Francisco Hayez.” She blinked, her glassy eyes on mine, as her fingertips traced over my cheek, down to my jaw, my throat, before landing on my chest.

I couldn’t feel her palm through the body armor, but I knew she had placed it above where my heart beat for her.

“There is danger all around you, and you do not see it.” I had said these words to her years ago. I was a different man back then. I wasn’t a husband. I wasn’t a father. “It’s time I slay the enemies that would harm you. It’s time that I be the man who deserves your kiss.”

I kissed her again, cupping her jaw in my hand, stealing her breath for my own.

“I cannot live unless I do this for you. I cannot face myself each day if I do not do this now.”

“Why do you have to be so fucking dramatic?” Her voice was weak and broken. It sounded the way I felt. “Fucking Irish…”

I chuckled, placing a kiss on her nose. “Because I am who I am, love. You would not love me any other way.”

“I will love you more if you come back alive.” Her stubborn jaw flexed as she looked at me in challenge. “If you are here to help me raise our son.”

I smiled, because she said what I hoped she’d say. Even though I knew, in my heart, if I were gone, that someone else, a real Aaron Jackson, would do just as well in my place.

I am my father’s son. Maybe it was best that my son was not raised in the image of the Greens.

I banished the thoughts of someone else kissing my wife. I forced the thoughts of someone else being called “Da” in my place.

“Tell me you’ll come back,” she whispered, the tear she’d fought back now falling down her cheek.

“I’ll do my best.”

I kissed her tear away, wiping what remained with my thumb.

She tilted her head down, looking away from me, and I wondered for a moment if she’d look back at me with hatred and scorn, declaring those terrible words—I hate you.

But she didn’t.

Instead, she nodded. “And if something happens, I promise. I’ll talk to Dairo.”

It was a concession. A compromise. A comfort.

I could breathe again.

The relief of it almost made me fall to my fucking knees.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said, taking in the scent of her hibiscus perfume and the mango oil she still used to tame her wild hair.

“I took an untamed, free Goddess and tried to put you in a cage. I was wrong to do so.” I brought my lips to hers because I was a weak, fragile man, and I just needed one more taste.

One more kiss. One more moment. When I pried myself away, her eyes were wet with tears.

“Don’t shed these for me, love. Not for me. ”

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, then ran my fingers through her curls, feeling their roughness on my palm.

“ A chuisle ,” I whispered into the curl of her hair that tickled my nostrils. “You are my pulse, and Cillian is my blood. Without you, I am nothing.” I held her head to my chest, willing for her to hear my heartbeat. To know that she was who it beat for. “Without you, I am nothing .”

I blinked away tears. My men were seeing enough of me on my knees today, and they didn’t need to know more.

“Eoghan, don’t go.” Her voice was soft. I could barely hear it. I thought I had imagined it, until she said it again. Louder. “Don’t go.”

If I could have died in that moment, when she forbade me from leaving her side, I would have gone a happy man.

But that’s not how stories end. Villains and heroes don’t get to drop what they’re doing and call “enough!” A quest cannot be abandoned until it’s fulfilled. Fates can be delayed, but not forever. They must be sealed in blood. A happy ending cannot come in the middle of a story.

“Take care of our boy,” I told her, my hands shaking as I squeezed her one last time.

“Make sure he knows his father loves him.” Then I kissed her temple, and her cheek, where a salty tear had forged a path to her chin.

“Don’t cry these for me.” I wiped her tears away.

“I did wrong, and I have to pay for my sins.” I kissed her forehead again.

“I love you,” she said, her words stilled me. “Doesn’t that count for something? I love you. ”

I held her in my arms again. Squeezing her head to my chest, my heart bursting to reach out to her. “It means everything.”

I brought my lips down to hers. I bared my soul to her in that kiss, knowing that it could be our last. I wanted to sear myself into her skin, to give her one memory, one last moment where she knew that I was hers, and she was mine. To say what words, and even art, couldn’t say.

I had to break the kiss, or she would have kept me rooted to the spot until the end of time. I grabbed her by the shoulders, keeping her at an arm’s length, but close enough that only she heard my next words.

“The moment something feels off, shoot to kill. Do you understand? Ask questions later. None of this means anything if you aren’t alive at the end of it.” She nodded at my words. I cupped her cheek as another tear came down. “Tell me you understand.”

“I understand,” she whispered, but in true Kira fashion, she shook her stubborn head and added, “I’ll only open up to you.”

That was a small victory, and I couldn’t be selfish. I pulled her in for one last kiss, just a rough one on the mouth. A last farewell before pushing her to arm’s length again. I was running out of time.

“Put one in the chest, two in the head,” I said. “Trust no one.”

I let her go. Abruptly. And she stumbled before righting herself.

I had to get away from her before I lost my nerve. Before my will to live with her overpowered my need to be a husband and father. To end a war that needed ending.

To break the curse laid on my bloodline by my father.

I would end this war. Cillian would not inherit the iron crown of Green Fields Enterprises. He wouldn’t need to look over his shoulder, living with one foot in the grave. I wouldn’t make him kill his first man when his balls had barely dropped.

He could become whatever he desired. He did not need to inherit the tragedy of my family’s crimes.

Shiny was back, though I wasn’t sure she ever left.

“Let's go!” I yelled, waving my hand. My men got into their cars, slamming the doors.

“Eoghan…” Kira’s face was at the window, her fingers on the glass.

Christ, I wanted to reach out and hold her one more time. But I knew that one more time would lead to another, until I was too weak to go.

“Drive,” I told O’Malley, as Shiny looked at me from the front seat.

I stared back at her and sneered, “I thought you left something inside the building.”

“I lied,” she said with the slightest shrug. “And no, I don’t give a fuck that you consider it an insult.”

Kira banged on the window, and I felt my stomach twist. My willpower would fade if I did not get out of her sight.

“I said drive!” I barked, and O’Malley slammed his foot on the gas pedal.

I could hear Kira scream as I watched her from the side mirror. She stood, her hands in fists at her sides, her mouth open as she called my name again and again. The cars left a plume of dust in their wake.

“Do me a favor, Shiny,” I said, solemnly. “If I die, make sure she gets everything.

“And if you live?” Shiny said, an amused tone in her voice.

“If we do not break the Mafia, and bring them to heel, make sure she’s safe.

Even if I am alive, I want them out of here, far away, protected.

” I wasn’t sure where to go with this line of thought.

I was scattered when I needed to focus on what lay ahead.

“Take them to Ireland or Greece. Take them to Paris or Naples. Wherever they want to go.”

“And while I take your family on this vacation, what will you be doing?” Shiny smirked.

She wasn’t taking me seriously. Not in the least.

“I’ll be here, finishing the fight.” I would not rest until it was done.

That was my duty as a husband and father.

“Are you really going to let her go?” Shiny asked, a brow quirked.

“It’s what’s best for everyone.” Everyone except for me.