Page 25 of Iris Kelly Doesn't Date

A laugh burst out of Simon. He slapped a hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he said through his fingers. “It’s just... wow. Talk about a hell of a meet-cute.”

“I didn’t mind the puke,” Iris said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the best of times, but she couldn’t help it. She was clearly mortified, and I was happy to help. But yeah, it wasn’t the greatest hookup I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah, but now you’ve got an amazing start to your novel,” Simon said, then spread his hands out like he was displaying a title. “Tegan McKee Doesn’t Vomit.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.”

He just laughed even harder.

Iris tried to laugh too, but the memory was still too visceral. She had no idea where she and Stefania had gone wrong. Maybe the woman really had been sick, but two days after tangling tongues, Iris still felt fine. The real conclusion to draw here was that Stefania couldn’t stomach sleeping with Iris.

Literally.

“It’s fine,” Iris said, waving a hand. “It is funny, I guess. Maybe in about twenty years, when my pride has recovered and I learn how to use my tits for good and not evil, I’ll laugh too.”

That just made Simon laugh harder.

“What’s this about your evil tits?” Delilah said. She and Claire approached the table, holding hands and looking like they just spent a weekend under the spell of a forty-eight-hour orgasm.

Then again, they probably had.

“Oh, nothing,” Iris said. “Just a hookup gone bad.”

“Jesus, I’m so glad those days are over,” Delilah said, settling one ankle on her gray-jeaned knee and leaning back as she perused the menu. Her dark curly hair was particularly voluminous today. “I used to hate leaving in the middle of the night. That was the worst.”

“You? I’m shocked you didn’t stay and cuddle,” Iris said.

Delilah flipped her off.

“I don’t see how you do it, Ris,” Claire said, sipping on her water.She had on a sky-blue sundress and cognac sandals. “I was always terrible at one-night stands.”

“Because you’re so good at forever-night stands,” Delilah said, leaning over to kiss Claire’s neck.

Claire giggled, and the two commenced whispering to each other and kissing.

Iris caught Simon’s eye and he made a face like he was going to puke.

“Don’t,” Iris said. “I’ve had enough of that.”

He busted up laughing again. Meanwhile, Claire and Delilah remained oblivious. Iris couldn’t help but smile at them, despite their saccharine display of affection.

“Hey, we’re here, we’re here,” Astrid said, hurrying toward the table in a pair of wide-legged linen pants and a loose black tank top, pulling Jordan Everwood by the hand behind her. Jordan, as usual, was clad in a printed button-up shirt, this one featuring tiny yellow suns. “Sorry we’re late. Explosion in the kitchen.”

“A food explosion while trying out a sauce recipe,” Jordan said, sitting down and smoothing a hand down Astrid’s arm. “Our new intern turned on the blender without the lid.”

“Yikes,” Simon said.

“Pumpkin puree everywhere,” Astrid said. “Even on the ceiling.”

“And in your hair,” Iris said, reaching over and plucking a piece of soggy pumpkin from Astrid’s shaggy blond locks.

“Oh god,” Astrid said, raking a hand over her head.

Jordan laughed. “It’s okay, baby, we’ll get it out in the shower later.”

Astrid blushed, twining her fingers with Jordan’s. Iris, for her part, was quite proud that she refrained from teasing her cotillion-trained best friend about bathing with another person.

“Let’s order, shall we?” she said instead.