Page 27 of Into the Starlight (Secrets of Sweetwater Crossing #3)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Joanna sat in front of her dressing table, smiling as she gave her hair the hundred brush strokes Mama claimed were so important. If only her parents were still alive, it would have been the best Christmas of her life. She had spent the day with her sisters and her extended family, a family that had become dear to her in only a few months. Like her own family, it had been formed by ties other than blood.

Joanna loved Emily’s and Louisa’s husbands as if they were brothers, not simply brothers by marriage. Noah was a pure delight, while Mrs. Carmichael acted more like a grandmother than Grandmother Kenner had. Della was the closest thing to an aunt Joanna had ever known, and Burke—ah, Burke. The mere thought of him made her almost giddy.

She loved him. That was unquestionable. He loved her, another unquestionable fact. Joanna had observed him carefully over the past month and had seen his satisfaction when he was able to help a patient. That and his repeated declaration that he could serve others by continuing as a practicing physician made her believe he would not regret not pursuing the opportunity to do research.

Even though Dr. Fielding had said he’d reconsider his stance on hiring a married man, Burke had insisted this was where he wanted to stay. Felix’s letter had confirmed his skill, erasing the doubts that had weighed so heavily on him and helping to restore his confidence in himself. It would be an exaggeration to say that he was a new man, but he was definitely a happier one. And that made Joanna happy.

Her smile faded and her hand stilled. Brushing her hair wasn’t important. Burke was. All the obstacles she’d thought kept them apart had tumbled, so why was she unable to give him the answer he sought? Why did she still hesitate to say the words that her heart knew were the right ones? Though there had to be a reason, Joanna could not find it. She wouldn’t ask her sisters, because they’d tell her the same thing they always did: follow your heart. Marry Burke.

The problem was, though Joanna wanted to, she knew she wasn’t ready. Something was holding her back. There were only six days left in the year, six days to erase the last of her doubts. If she asked him, Burke would give her more time to make her decision, but that wasn’t fair to him. He needed to move forward, and so did she. There had to be a way to identify whatever was blocking her and eliminate it, but as Joanna laid her head on her pillow and fell asleep, the way escaped her.

The meadow was even more beautiful than the nurses’ descriptions, the newly sprouted grass so green it made her eyes fill with tears of happiness. Oh, how wonderful it was to be outside again! She sighed with pleasure at the sight of the snow-capped mountains stretching into a faultless blue sky. What majesty!

At her feet, clusters of tiny flowers beckoned her to take a closer look. Joanna knelt in the grass, admiring the blossoms that were smaller than her little fingernail, additional proof of the perfection of God’s creation. From the highest mountain to the tiniest of flowers, not a single detail had been neglected.

“They’re so beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you, my love.”

Joanna turned, startled by the familiar voice. “Kurt!”

He stood there, gazing at her for a moment, his smile radiating the love she’d seen so often during their brief but happy marriage. The smile widened as he raised his hand in a gesture that could only mean farewell. And then he vanished.

Joanna woke, feeling her limbs trembling as the last second of the dream reverberated through her like the final chord of a symphony, lingering in the air long after it had been played. Closing her eyes, she tried to recapture the beauty of the Swiss countryside and the poignancy of Kurt’s farewell, but all that remained was the bittersweet feeling she had each time she turned the last page of a book.

The story had ended, and even if she reread it, there wouldn’t be the same sense of adventure, the same urgency to reach the conclusion. But, at the same time that she regretted leaving those characters’ lives when she closed a book, she recognized the possibility that another story was waiting to be read. All she had to do was choose it.

As she brushed away the solitary tear making its way down her cheek, Joanna began to smile. The dream was the answer to a prayer she hadn’t voiced. Seeing Kurt once more, even if only in a dream, showed her that she hadn’t closed the book on her life with him. That was what had kept her from accepting Burke’s proposal. Della had said she felt freer once she said goodbye to Clive, but Joanna hadn’t done that with Kurt. The dream of Kurt’s farewell had accomplished what she needed, letting her accept that that part of her life was over and that she could begin to build a new life.

She hadn’t been ready, but now she was.