Page 24 of Into the Starlight (Secrets of Sweetwater Crossing #3)

Chapter Twenty-Four

The instant the words were spoken, Burke was filled with peace. This was the answer to the prayer he’d been offering for days. It had come in a place he never would have expected—a woman’s bedchamber—before he’d had a chance to kneel and once again ask for the Lord’s guidance, but he knew that the words had come directly from God. Marrying Joanna was what God wanted Burke to do. The calm certainty that had settled over him, erasing his doubts and cloaking him with peace, told him that. Unfortunately, judging from her expression, Joanna was feeling no such peace. She appeared shocked, possibly horrified.

“Marry you?”

Her voice resonated with incredulity, as if he’d suggested she take an axe and murder her whole family. Burke felt a moment of annoyance that she was so reluctant to consider his proposal, but then he reflected on all that she’d endured today. Perhaps Joanna’s reaction was similar to that of a patient who’d been told he had a serious illness. Perhaps she didn’t want to accept her situation or the solution he’d proposed.

Though he wanted to gather her into his arms and comfort her, Burke knew Joanna would not welcome his touch. Instead, using the tone that he reserved for distraught patients, he said, “If we marry, your child will have a father. I may not have sired him, but I can promise you that I’ll love him as if he were my own flesh and blood.”

If the window were open, he might have heard a bird calling or the breeze rustling a tree’s leaves. As it was, all Burke heard was Joanna’s ragged breathing. Though her tears had dried, her face still bore signs of her crying jag, and her breathing reminded him of the coughing spells that confirmed that her lungs were still not fully healed and should not be subjected to unnecessary stress, either physical or emotional. Learning that your marriage was invalid certainly qualified as stress. Burke didn’t want to add to that, but surely she could see the wisdom of his plan.

Joanna stared at him for a moment before speaking. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Burke. Marrying me would be a mistake.”

A mistake? How could it possibly be a mistake when God had put the words in his mouth? Struggling to maintain a conciliatory tone, Burke asked, “Am I that displeasing to you? I thought we were friends. Good friends, maybe even more than friends.”

“We were.” Joanna shook her head, then corrected herself. “We are. Yours was a generous offer, but I can’t let you do this. I can’t let you sacrifice your dreams to help me and my baby. Your future is in San Francisco with Dr. Fielding. He warned you that would take all your energy. Even if I were willing to go there, a wife and child would be a burden.”

It was time to tell her of Fielding’s stipulation. “Dr. Fielding agrees. Remember the day I received his letter and you sensed that something was bothering me? He said he’d only hire a bachelor.”

Joanna nodded slowly. “That’s your answer, Burke. The cost of marrying me would be too high. You’d lose your chance to follow your dream, and I’d feel guilty about being the reason for that. We’d both regret our marriage before a year is over.”

“I wouldn’t.” And Burke hoped she wouldn’t either. It was true that remaining in Sweetwater Crossing and marrying Joanna hadn’t been his plan even a few days ago, but while it wasn’t how he’d visualized his future, it would not be a sacrifice.

Joanna’s expression left no doubt that she did not believe him. “Those are brave words, Burke, but they’re the product of what my mother called the heat of the moment. When you’ve had a chance to reflect, you’ll realize that your impulse—for that’s what it was—was prompted by your desire to heal a wound. That’s what makes you such a good doctor, but it’s not a good foundation for marriage.”

What an incredible woman she was! Even though she’d been dealt a devastating blow, her concern was for him, not herself. Burke could not imagine any other woman—not even Della, whom he considered both strong and selfless—doing that. It was up to him to convince Joanna of his sincerity.

“You’re wrong, Joanna. It’s true that I was shocked by your news. It’s also true that I want to help you give your baby two parents, but it’s not true that that was because of a sense of obligation.”

He paused, wanting her to absorb everything he was saying before he continued. “I want to marry you because I care for you and because I believe we would be happy together.” Though he wanted to tell Joanna he loved her, Burke knew she wasn’t ready to hear that, and so he used the word care rather than love .

She stared at him, her eyes narrowed as if she were searching for the truth behind his words, but said nothing. Was she worried about herself or her unborn child?

“I don’t have any experience with being a father, but watching Craig with Noah makes me confident that I can learn and that I would be a good parent to your child. Our child. If you marry me, he’ll be my child as much as if I’d sired him.”

There was a long silence, but just when Burke thought this would be a one-sided conversation, Joanna spoke. “You would be a good father. My instincts tell me that just as they tell me you’d be a good husband, but I still can’t marry you.”

“Don’t you care for me at all?” That was the only reason Burke could imagine for her continued refusal. His mother had told him that some people loved only once. Perhaps Joanna had given all her love to Kurt. Oh, how he hoped that wasn’t the case.

“I do, Burke. I care deeply.”

Relief flowed through Burke as she dispelled his fears.

“That’s the reason I can’t let you abandon your dream of doing research with Dr. Fielding. That’s what you want to do. It’s what you should do.”

It might have been true a month ago, but everything had changed. He had to make her understand.

“Marrying you is not simply what I want to do. It’s what God wants me to do.” Once again he paused, wanting to ensure that she heard everything he was telling her. “What would you say if I told you that what happened in this room was the answer to my prayer and that it showed me what God wants me to do with my life?”

Joanna’s eyes widened with surprise, but then she shook her head. “I wouldn’t believe you. How could my dilemma be the answer to anyone’s prayer?”

He’d moved too quickly, making Joanna feel pressured when that was the last thing he’d intended. Backtracking, Burke said, “I wish Irmgard hadn’t made everyone believe she was dead. If she hadn’t, you wouldn’t be in this predicament, but you are, and with every fiber of my being, I want to help you. I truly believe that marriage is the best answer for both of us, but I understand that you need more time to consider it. All I ask is that you pray about your decision. Will you do that?”

As tears welled in her eyes, Joanna blinked to keep them from falling, then nodded. “Yes.”

Burke made his way to his own room, silently asking God to answer Joanna’s prayers quickly.

“What should I do?” Joanna kept her gaze fixed on her sisters. As soon as Louisa returned from her office, Joanna had asked her and Emily to join her in her bedroom. There she’d repeated the story she’d told Burke, ending with his proposal. Their faces had reflected shock, anger, and sorrow, but now they were both calm.

“Marry him,” Louisa said firmly. “He’s a wonderful man, almost as wonderful as Josh.”

Emily nodded. “I agree. He’ll be a good husband and father, almost as good as Craig.”

Joanna wasn’t surprised by their response. Almost anyone would say that Burke had offered an ideal solution to her problem. “You don’t have to convince me about that. I know what a fine man Burke is.” Under other circumstances, she would have accepted his proposal with joy. As she’d told him, she had no doubts that he’d be a good husband and father, nor could she deny that she had strong feelings for him.

“I care for him,” she told her sisters. “I may even be in love with him, but no matter how I feel about him, I can’t let Burke give up his dream of finding a way to prevent pneumonia. Think of what that could mean to the world. That’s much more important than helping me and my baby.”

While Louisa seemed to understand, perhaps because she shared Burke’s desire to eradicate the dreaded disease, it was clear Emily wasn’t convinced. “There must be another way. I hate the idea of your leaving again, but couldn’t Burke do both? You could marry him and go to San Francisco together.”

Even if she were willing to leave Sweetwater Crossing, and Joanna wasn’t certain she was, it wasn’t a viable solution. “That’s not possible. Dr. Fielding was explicit in saying that he would hire only a single man. The work demands too many hours, and he doesn’t want his assistant torn between work and family.”

“Why would Burke agree to that?” A frown crossed Louisa’s face. “I love delivering babies and helping heal illnesses, but I wouldn’t want to do that if it meant I couldn’t have my life with Josh. Doing nothing but work sounds like a horrible life.”

Joanna didn’t agree. “For the right man, I imagine the potential benefits would outweigh the hardship.”

Emily’s frown mirrored Louisa’s. “Is Burke the right man for that kind of life? I know he’s dedicated to his work, but he also seems to enjoy leisure time. Those walks you take almost every night aren’t simply therapy, and I know you both enjoyed the day he took you fishing.”

Joanna smiled at the memory of Burke’s arms around her as he taught her to fish and the way they’d laughed when she caught the shoe. “That’s true, but I can’t let him forfeit this opportunity. There may never be another.”

“There could be,” Louisa said.

Though Emily looked as if she agreed with Louisa’s optimistic suggestion, she ventured a different one. “It could be that being your husband and helping raise your child is more important to him than working with that other doctor. No one forced him to ask you to marry him.”

Joanna glared at her sisters. “Stop it, both of you. Whose side are you on?”

“Yours, of course.” Emily appeared surprised by Joanna’s outburst. “We want you to be happy.”

“And Burke is the man who’ll bring you happiness.” Once again, Louisa sounded confident.

“Louisa’s right.” Emily nodded her approval. “Marry him, Joanna. You won’t regret it, and neither will he.”

“I wish I were as certain as you two, but I’m not.” And that was the problem. She couldn’t—she wouldn’t—risk Burke’s future happiness, not even for her child.

Burke quickened his pace as he walked down Center Street, trying to settle his thoughts. He believed that marrying Joanna was the right thing for both of them, but the way she’d avoided him, saying she was too tired to walk with him last night and leaving the breakfast table as soon as she’d finished eating, told him she hadn’t changed her mind. There had to be a way to convince her, but Burke had yet to find it.

He was about to retrace his steps, not wanting to encounter anyone by walking on Main Street, when he saw Craig emerge from the schoolhouse.

“Working on Saturday?” he asked as he approached the schoolmaster.

“You could say that.” The skin around Craig’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “I’m working on Emily’s Christmas gift. This is the only place she won’t see what I’m doing.”

“And what is that?” Though his mother had prized handmade gifts, Burke had always resorted to buying something at the mercantile. It appeared that Craig was more talented than he.

“Wood engraving.” Craig’s explanation confirmed Burke’s supposition. “Emily writes so many letters and invitations that I wanted her to have personalized stationery. Josh knows a place that will do the printing if I make the design.”

“Will you show me what you’ve done?” A detour into the schoolroom wouldn’t solve Burke’s problem, but it might clear his mind.

“Sure. Come in.”

Craig unlocked the door and ushered Burke inside. As he’d expected, the building was similar to the one where he and his sisters had learned their three Rs. The sole difference Burke noted was the absence of a dunce stool in the front of the main room.

When Craig pulled a piece of wood from his desk and handed it to Burke, Burke let out a low whistle. “I didn’t realize you were so artistic.” The almost-completed design had Emily’s initials in a fancy script surrounded by a wreath of flowers that Burke suspected were bluebonnets.

“I’m not artistic,” Craig said, “but my predecessor is, so I enlisted her help. Do you remember the calligraphy on the invitations to Gertrude and Thomas’s dinner party?” When Burke nodded, Craig continued. “According to Emily, Gertrude attempted to teach her pupils Chinese characters as well as calligraphy. That made me wonder whether she had a book with fancy fonts that I could borrow. She said she used to but had lost it, so she offered to design something for Emily, saying it wouldn’t be a burden, because she enjoys writing in different scripts.”

Craig took the engraving back from Burke and held it up to the light, scrutinizing it. “Do you think Emily will like this?”

“Definitely. It’s a one-of-a-kind gift.” And a reminder that he hadn’t started selecting gifts for the Finley House residents. Maybe Craig had an idea. “I wish I knew what to give Joanna.”

The schoolmaster shook his head. “I can’t help you with that, but even though you didn’t ask, I’m going to give you some advice about your courtship. And, yes, my wife told me about your offer to marry Joanna. Based on my own experience, you need to be patient and persistent. It took me months to convince Emily to marry me.”

Months? Were the Vaughn sisters stubborn or simply slow to make up their minds?

“Really? I would never have guessed that.”

“There were times when I was convinced my case was hopeless, but eventually she agreed.”

“And judging from what I’ve seen, you’re happy together.”

“We are indeed. If you love Joanna, and I believe you do, don’t give up.”

It was good advice, advice Burke had every intention of following. “I won’t.”