Page 41 of Into the Fire

‘Oh, save it,’ she hissed.‘I’ve heard it all before.’

‘Please, believe me,’ her father insisted, his expression intense.‘If I could have done this any other way, I would have done.This was the only way I could keep everyone safe.’

‘Are you for real?Two men robbed me last night.One of them had a bloody hammer.What would they have done if I hadn’t got out of my car?Smashed the window anyway?Attacked me?’

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ her father muttered, shame-faced.‘I couldn’t think of another way.I owe them money.Lots of money.’

‘Who?’Emilia barked.

‘The guys … the guys I used to work with.’

‘The “guys” who did this to me?’Emilia fired back, aghast, gesturing to the scarring on the left side of her face.

‘Yes, them,’ Ernesto muttered, unable to look at his daughter.‘I’ve … I’ve run up a few debts in here.’

‘A hundred grand worth of debts?In here?Are you bloody kidding me?’

‘Please, Emilia, hush now …’

‘Lobster every night, is it?Washed down with champagne?What do you take me for?’

‘I got in a bit of trouble with one of the other inmates, OK?’Ernesto protested, wiping the sweat form his brow.‘He runs a book, a betting syndicate.I made some bad choices, couldn’t pay him, so I borrowed money from the old crew to try and make things right …’

‘And let me guess, you bet and lost again.’

Ernesto shrugged his answer, disconsolate.

‘I’ve never been very lucky.’

‘Spare me, I forgot to bring my violin.’

Emilia, please, I’m trying to explain.The debts kept getting bigger, my associates were charging interest and they were happy to let the debts grow, thinking I’d make it back for them when I got out, but when they heard I was dying, they demanded payment.’

‘Youdoactually have cancer then?’Emilia replied, witheringly.

‘How can you ask me that?’her father replied, looking genuinely aggrieved.‘Do I look like a well man to you?’

Emilia shrugged, but in truth she did believethatpart of the story.Her father seemed to be fading away in front of her very eyes.

‘So why use me?’demanded furiously.‘Why not just give your associates Louisa’s address?’

‘I’vetoldyou why I couldn’t do that.Do you think they would have asked her politely for the money?’

Emilia glowered at him, refusing to acknowledge that her father had a point.

‘I thought if you could get it without her knowing, and they could then retrieve it from you without incident, then everything might be alright.’

‘For you, you mean.But what about me?I thought you genuinely wanted to make amends for what you did to me, to us.More fool me, I guess.’

Her father once more broke off eye contact, each blow landing heavily.He actually seemed humbled, humiliated even, something Emilia had never witnessed before.

‘Please, my love, if there had been any other way …’ he murmured forlornly.

‘No, no, you don’t get to call me “love”.That is the one thing you’ve never given us.You have always put yourself first,always.I mean why did you even bother having kids if you had no interest in them?’

‘I loved you all, I still do …’

‘Bullshit, we’re just pawns in your game, to be used and then discarded.It means nothing to you, does it?’