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‘And you’re sure you’ve thought this through?’

Helen nodded soberly, not trusting herself to speak.

‘The emotional and psychological impact of a termination can be significant,’ the doctor cautioned, her tight ponytail swinging gently back and forth as she spoke.

‘Women sometimes feel guilty, ashamed, angry and, in some cases, suffer from depression. I’m not saying that you would experience any of these reactions, nor am I saying that a termination isn’t the right choice for you, I just don’t want you to rush into anything. ’

‘I understand that and I’m grateful for your concern,’ Helen replied, feeling all those things.

‘So, you first discovered you were pregnant two days ago?’

‘That’s right,’ Helen replied, maintaining eye contact, trying not to sound sheepish.

‘And what was your reaction?’

‘Shock, disbelief.’

Doctor Moorhouse nodded sympathetically, but didn’t respond.

‘It’s never been on my agenda really, because of my job, because of my relationship history. It’s never been a priority, put it that way.’

Privately, Helen cringed. Every word that came out of her mouth made her sound clinical and cold, when in reality she was none of these things. She just wanted this sudden crisis to be over, which is why she’d contacted the clinic this morning, despite the doubts and reservations that plagued her.

‘I take it the father isn’t on the scene?’

‘No.’

‘But you have talked to him about this? About the prospect of a termination?’

‘Well, not yet, but he’s married, so it’s complicated, you know?’

She didn’t mean to sound chippy, but she clearly did. Doctor Moorhouse nodded cautiously, wanting above all else not to appear judgemental.

‘I see. Well, it’s your body, your choice, but I would suggest that to avoid any issues in the future, you try to have an open dialogue with him about it.’

Helen shrugged uneasily, but didn’t refuse.

‘I’d also suggest that you don’t hurry into this.

We’ll do the usual tests, find out exactly how far along you are …

but you’re clearly still processing things, Helen, so I’d advocate a brief period of reflection, before you make any hard and fast decisions.

You’ve plenty of time to work out what’s best and, as I say, if you decide that a termination is right for you, we will obviously be here to support you every step of the way. ’

Helen suppressed a shudder, the sudden thought of having to go through with the procedure making her feel uneasy.

The reality of the situation was making itself felt, the enormity and significance of her decision punching hard, yet what choice did she have?

She had not asked for this, so why should she be left to carry the can?

‘Look, I’m happy not to rush it, but I want the tests done ASAP and I want to put a date in the diary now. I … I appreciate all that you’re saying, but I really don’t think I’m going to change my mind, so I don’t want to drag this out unnecessarily.’

‘As is your right, Helen,’ Doctor Moorhouse replied kindly. ‘But please do bear in mind what I’ve said. There are no easy choices.’

Unsettled, Helen left the office, clutching a stack of reading material, none of which she had the courage to face right now.

Coming to the clinic had been an instinctive thing, Helen racing over before she changed her mind, and now her strong instinct was to get away.

Away from the sober posters on the wall, the kindly staff and the sea of anxious faces in the waiting room.

She was out of place here, too old, too determined, too steely, so hurrying to the exit, she pushed out into the fresh air, keen to make her escape.

As she walked briskly back towards her bike, her phone started buzzing. Intrigued, she dug it out her pocket, only for her face to fall when she took in the caller ID.

Christopher.

Her finger hovered over ‘Accept’. Should she talk to him as Doctor Moorhouse advised?

Should she include him in this decision?

If so, to what end? She wanted nothing to do with him, and certainly didn’t want to raise his child, so what then?

Was she going to have the baby and hand over care of it to him, this duplicitous, self-serving man of straw?

No, there was nothing more to be said, so sliding her finger over, Helen stabbed reject.

The truth was that she had made up her mind. Getting into a long debate with her former lover would cause unnecessary upset, confusion and delay, none of which she could countenance that morning.

She had somewhere she needed to be.